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Hawaii (vent- a little long)

jemmini6jemmini6 member
5000 Comments 25 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
in Not Engaged Yet
So my BF and I are going to Hawaii again in 3 weeks, which I'm really excited for.  We are planning to get in quite a few dives, go see the volcano, black sand beach, etc.  I've been so excited to just plan our vacation like any other, but it's OTHER people that are starting to get on my nerves...

I've had 5 people tell me already how they would be "extremely shocked" if I came back without a ring on my finger.  It's just so odd to me that after reading all these posts here where the girls are thes one that get their hopes up that they will be getting engaged on their vacations...and everyone else trying to talk them down...that's it's opposite for me. 

I honestly don't expect a proposal.  1. because BF's cousin asked him if he was going to propose there and he told her he thought that was "too cliche" (although he did tell me before Christmas that he'd never buy a girl jewelry...guess what I got for Christmas) 2. because he's been spending a lot of money lately and I don't think with all that, that he'd throw a ring in there too (booking the Hawaii trip and he's also getting Lasik next weekend) and 3. because he's been mentioning about "we aren't at 2 years yet..." (2 year mark is in Nov)

Of course I'd be lying if I said I didn't sort of hope it would happen there, but I'm really not expecting it too, for the reasons stated above.  I am perfectly content with the idea that this is just a vacation, I don't need a proposal to make it special or to have fun.  I'm just getting slightly annoyed at having to explain to everyone who comments about it WHY I don't think I'll be getting engaged there.  Then they still insist on trying to convince me otherwise.  I just don't know a short, polite way of telling them to butt out and let me have my vacation.  Especially if he does end up proposing...I really don't want to hear all the "I told you so".  Ugh...I guess for now I'll just have to settle for dodging the topic all together.

Anyways...I just needed to vent about it.  Although, if you have any suggestions on how to handle it, I'm more than open to it :)
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Re: Hawaii (vent- a little long)

  • desertsundesertsun member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Ugh, so frustrating! I feel your pain.

    I really don't see why your future engagement is anyone else's business. Just thank them for their interest and leave it at that. Don't let people pressure you into discussing your personal business. They don't need to know the inner workings of your relationship. "No, we're not planning on getting engaged quite yet, but thanks for the support! We'll be sure to let you know when it does happen."

    No need to go into detail. Laugh it off.

    Stay focused on how excited you are for your trip and don't let other people get into your head.

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  • bethsmilesbethsmiles member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    I totally know how that can be. I just got back home from visiting my home town. Holy cow I think people there are more anxious for me to get engaged then I am! They always think BF is on the verge of popping the question (which he is not...it will be another year at the absolute soonest).

    So even though everyone else is sticking their nose in your business just try to stay focused on the awesome time you will have on your trip! And if you ever need to be talked down we can always help you out :)


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  • deburnindeburnin member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Ugh family and friends can be such a pain. I'm pretty forward with my family so I usually just tell them to shut their faces and mind their own business. My gma always tells me I'm dumb for telling him I don't want to get engaged unless it's in Disney (as if a year from now will really make that much of a difference). As PP's have said just try to focus on the trip itself and steer people away from the engagement topic. Whether that be in a tactful or more upfront way depends on your family dynamic I suppose.

    On the bright side at least your family and friends are optimistic (although annoying). As I've said previously, it's a running joke in my family that BF will never propose. My sister's were watching youtube videos of Disney proposals the other day and when the one girl started crying my one sister said that was going to be me... on the plane ride home when it doesn't happen. :(

    I don't get why people think it's their right to know or tell you what should or shouldn't be happening in your relationship. Unless you seek out their opinion or advice people need to learn to butt out.
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  • PaigeMcCPaigeMcC member
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    People can be such a pain in the butt! Ignore 'em and enjoy your trip.  If all else fails...

    bean dip!!

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  • notquiteblushingnotquiteblushing member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Well screw those people and let's talk about Hawaii.  Are you going to the Big Island?  We loved it there.  Where are you staying?  Definitely take the drive up Mana Kea.  My ears popped so bad but it was really cool.  And plan to spend a day in the Volcano National Park.  We only went later in the day into the night to see the lava and I feel like we missed a lot of stuff.  Have fun and don't worry about what other people expect.
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  • catemegcatemeg
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I'm in the same boat!  We're going to be at 2 years in October, and that same week we'll be in Europe on vacation.  My Mom immediately said, "Well you know what THAT vacation sounds like... a proposal!" And all my friends and family immediately jumped on that bandwagon.  The thing is, I got caught up in it, too.  I convinced myself it was likely.

    Then I had a conversation with my boyfriend, and we both talked about how a nearly 2 year engagement would be brutal, and how we're not quite there yet - we both want to get married in 2 years, but we've got our own things to sort out before we're ready to start planning.  So now I am 95% sure it won't happen.

    So when everyone asks or says something, I just say calmly, "No, that's not going to happen.  We're not ready yet to get engaged, so it will probably be sometime next year."  Just calm and firm, and people have been dropping the subject!
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  • jemmini6jemmini6 member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Thanks girls!  At least I'm not alone on that one.  I've gotten asked before the trip when we were getting engaged and I just always tell them they'll have to ask the BF (to people that don't normally talk to him, I don't want to throw the mob at him on that one). 

    notquiteblushing- yeah we are going to the Big Island.  We are staying at the Holua Resort at Mauna Loa Village.  It was the #1 hotel on tripadvisor for Kailua-Kona and we got it on a 24 hour sale for only $77/night!  It's actually like a condo, so we'll have a full kitchen (we are gonna stop at Costco and stock up on stuff for the week) to try and save a little money that way.  We are going to be doing a lot of diving there, which they are supposed to have the best visibility on all the islands at well over 100 feet!  And we are doing the night manta dive too, which should be amazing.  I think we are going to do most of our dives in the beginning of the week and do the drive up the volcano at the end just to be safe (you can get decompression sickness if you do a dive, then drive up to a high altitude soon after because you lose pressure).  So yeah...it will be a blast (with or without a proposal).  We leave 3 weeks from today!!!
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  • leia1979leia1979 member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    I hear there's good snorkeling in Kealakekua and you can rent a kayak to go out to the Captain Cook monument. We didn't have time to do that. And load up on lots of Punalu'u sweet bread. It's so good! And it's sweet bead as in bread that is sweet not animal parts.

    I feel your pain. When we got back from Hawaii earlier this year, someone actually grabbed my hand and went "Where's the ring?" Really rude and annoying.

    Have a fantastic time! I'm so envious!

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  • notquiteblushingnotquiteblushing member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Definitely stop along the way to Volcano National Park at the subdivision that was destroyed by the last volcano.  Apparently it's a great place to watch the lava at night too but we were there during the day and just looked around.  There are still houses and people are living in them, too crazy.

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    And I'm not a scuba person but my husband loved the diving he did on the Big Island.  I'll try to think if I have any more tips other than have a blast!
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