dad or stepdad what to do! HELP!!!!

Crissy+Matt2013 · June 2012

Where do I start...My parents got divorced when I was about 12 and before they got divorced I was always my dad's little princess. Soon after they got divorced my dad slowly stopped being part of my life. He was always "to busy" to be around. I would invite him to my school concerts and sports games and he would say he would be there, but then never showed up. Then for my high school graduation he said he would be there and then decided he was to tired and never came.

Through out this my mom remarried and my step dad was always there for me, he would put what ever was going on at work or anythign on hold, just to be sure he could see my concerts, sports games and of course my high school graduation.

Now as soon as my FI and I booked a date I got excited and asked my dad to walk me down the aisle, thinking this would be a good time to give my dad another chance. His first reaction was that he had to think about it. Out of pure shock I said ok, and about an hour later he called me and said he would be honoured. So of course I was thrilled, however since then he has started pulling away again and hardly talking to me. Until this weekend, we had a large family gathering and he chose to let my FI and I know his thoughts on marriage. He told us that marriage is stupid that we will just end up divorcing at max ten years later because love does not last.

Now I feel like I have made a huge mistake asking him to walk me down the aisle. I feel that I should have asked my step dad and i want to take back my request to my dad, but just dont know how to do it. HELP!!!!

anastassiiat · June 2012

I don't think there is a right way to take a request back without offending anyone... Do you think you can maybe have both him and your step dad walk you? I know it's not very traditional, but I'm pretty sure I've heard of people do it before. That way you'd have your step dad with you but also won't risk getting your dad upset. Sorry about your situation!

Crissy+Matt2013 · June 2012

I asked them both to do this before I even asked my dad to walk me. My dad said he did not feel comfortable doing so, and my step dad said absolutely not, it was all the way or not at all. Offending my dad is exactly what I fear, but I also feel as if he is wishing failure against my FI and I. Also I'm scared he is going to ditch me on the wedding day like he has so many other times before.

MandiNewMommy · June 2012

I agree with having both that way if Dad bails you still have your step dad. Sucky of dad to be acting like such and a**.

cnf2013 · June 2012

I think you should have a serious chat with your dad. Let him know that his views on marriage and the things he said about you and your FI were offensive and upsetting. Be honest and tell him that if he doesn't support your marriage that you rather he just came as a guest to the wedding instead of pretending to support you by walking you down the aisle. Don't outright say I don't want you to do it anymore, but give him the chance to reevaluate his decision and decide if he feels it's still the right choice or if he should not walk with you. If he still wants to I would suggest doing the father daughter dance with your step dad as a special way to honor him too. I understand you're scared of hurting his feelings, but it sounds like he hasn't had any problems hurting yours up to this point.

sparkles776 · June 2012

I am really not close to my dad at all, I agree with the PP, It really doesnt seem like he has had any problem hurting your feelings, so I wouldnt worry about hurting his. I would have been so hurt if I had asked my dad and he said he had to think about it. I would have a chat with him and give him a chance to change his mind.

[Deleted User] · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2013-weddings_dad-or-stepdad-what-to-do-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:f30b0bfc-508d-415c-bf59-ab83e327da37Discussion:9fa9b6b2-43e9-4ddd-b82e-28b4f1041646Post:4a8efc7a-020b-4321-a964-a50d487dec78">Re: dad or stepdad what to do! HELP!!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]I think you should have a serious chat with your dad. Let him know that his views on marriage and the things he said about you and your FI were offensive and upsetting. Be honest and tell him that if he doesn't support your marriage that you rather he just came as a guest to the wedding instead of pretending to support you by walking you down the aisle. Don't outright say I don't want you to do it anymore, but give him the chance to reevaluate his decision and decide if he feels it's still the right choice or if he should not walk with you. If he still wants to I would suggest doing the father daughter dance with your step dad as a special way to honor him too. I understand you're scared of hurting his feelings, but it sounds like he hasn't had any problems hurting yours up to this point.
Posted by cnf2013[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div><font class="Apple-style-span" color="#800080"><strong>I have to say I kind of agree. I mean we don't know the whole situation, but it sounds like the decision to have your dad walk you down the aisle might just cause you further heartache. I might be wrong I don't know. I hope you figure out what to do. </strong></font>

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dad or stepdad what to do! HELP!!!!

Re: dad or stepdad what to do! HELP!!!!

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