WWYD - WR :(

Lou2127 · March 2010

Thanks for the responses!

janedoe1113a · March 2010

I would stay out of it. None of your business.

Nebb · March 2010

Not your place.

squirrelly29 · March 2010

Stay out of it...it could backfire and you become the bad guy. Its none of your business.

Lou2127 · March 2010

I guess I was just thinking along the lines of, "if my FI were screwing around on me, I WOULD want to know." Especially before I married him.

ac_in_dc · March 2010

I wouldn't tell her, personally. Sounds like Cliff is indiscreet enough that if she really wanted to know she would have found out already. Who knows, maybe she is aware of the problem and is choosing to work through it with him?

danieliza1127 · March 2010

I think if you tell her, you need to do it right and be up front about who you are and why you feel like she should know, along with what real evidence you actually have. The FB thing is just juvenile and she probably won't believe it because he'll just deny it anyway.

That said, whether you should or shouldn't, man I don't know.

FutureMrsTR · March 2010

Definitely stay out of it. It's a sucky situation, but you never know how she would take your interference.

kkchisholm · March 2010

I agree stay out of it. I can see the urge to tell though... You would want to know right?

If he this open about being a slimeball, I would guess his fi already has an idea and is in denial..

sarabellam · March 2010

Not really your place, but you could add some more pertinent details and maybe she will stumble across it here.

ac_in_dc · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wwyd-wr-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6b4513eb-c6ae-476e-a233-fc06d90fab81Post:7c098644-8e8c-493f-8c10-fa2e5059ffdb">Re: WWYD - WR :(</a>:
[QUOTE]I guess I was just thinking along the lines of, "if my FI were screwing around on me, I WOULD want to know." Especially before I married him.
Posted by Lou2127[/QUOTE]

Yeah, but obviously Cliff's FI is different. You have already made the character assessment, after knowing him for not very long, that he's a slimy pervert. She is either in denial or OK with this. And you don't know her well enough to determine.

georgia_bride09 · March 2010

SInce the situation involves coworkers and not your closest friends, it's not your business. I would only ever tell someone about their cheating FI if it was my best friend. You barely even know the FI. Stay out of it.

Karma will get Cliff.

ring_pop · March 2010

Since you don't know her very well, I'd say to stay out of it. If there's already an investigation going on, she'll eventually find out anyway.

And if you still decide to tell her... DON'T do it anonymously! It's cowardly, and she won't believe it. If you're going to reveal a bombshell like this to someone, at least have the guts to stand by it.

baystateapple · March 2010

Ouch. That's terrible. Don't say anything. It's not your place to do it, and you'll wind up getting hurt.

jajph1974 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wwyd-wr-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6b4513eb-c6ae-476e-a233-fc06d90fab81Post:7c098644-8e8c-493f-8c10-fa2e5059ffdb">Re: WWYD - WR :(</a>:
[QUOTE]I guess I was just thinking along the lines of, "if my FI were screwing around on me, I WOULD want to know." Especially before I married him.
Posted by Lou2127[/QUOTE]

Personally, I would want to know. He could be picking up diseases and bringing them home to her.

If it was a freind of mine, I'd definitely tell them.

I think the Facebook idea is no good. If you're going to tell her just do it upfront.

scoetto · March 2010

Agreed. Not your place. As previously stated, if it were a close friend, then yes, say something. Otherwise, who are you to say that to her? At least, that's what she'll say to you. This is a case of the NONEYAs. So just let it be.

Lou2127 · March 2010

Sorry for the delay - of course my computer froze when I decided to post more than two words on here!

She's in med school right now, so she is gone a lot.

We do feel comfortable telling her (through email or FB) that this is written by a group of us here at X company.

Ditto on the diseases. I just feel that she has a right to know, regardless who it is from and how she gets the information. What she then does with that information is her business

laurenclaire1386 · March 2010

I have no advice, but I find it really funny you chose to call this guy "Cliff." I know a guy named Cliff IRL and he truly is the biggest perv on the planet. He's a former coworker of FI's and his nickname around the office was Tall, Dark, And Creepy.

Lou2127 · March 2010

Lauren - ew!

Also, what really made me think of this is that I actually talked to my mom about this. Her response was so sad

She goes, "Lou, when your dad was having an affair, the entire town knew about it except for me - and nobody had the decency to tell me about it. Being in that position, I would have appreciated a tip, even an anonymous one."

danieliza1127 · March 2010

See, I feel the way your Mom does about it although I guess no one else sees it that way. What she chooses to do with the information afterward is her business, but at least you would have told her.

Lou2127 · March 2010

Yeah, I feel that way too.

I should add that this was in no way a validation post! The other people at work feel the same way about it as we do. I just wanted to get some totally outsider opinions on it.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wwyd-wr-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6b4513eb-c6ae-476e-a233-fc06d90fab81Post:e0c8f02c-1466-43bd-9556-2681ec5c1f59">Re: WWYD - WR :(</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: WWYD - WR :( : Yeah, but obviously Cliff's FI is different. You have already made the character assessment, after knowing him for not very long, that he's a slimy pervert. She is either in denial or OK with this. And you don't know her well enough to determine.
Posted by ac_in_dc[/QUOTE]

Exactly. I'm sure she's supsected things before. And if there's an internal investigation at work and he gets fired over this, she'll probably find out eventually.

I think if YOU wanted to meet with her in person and tell her, then you could, as long as you took responsibility for telling her. Don't cop out and tell her annonymously.

squirrly · March 2010

I don't think I could keep my mouth shut about it entirely, either. In the past, I've had coupled-up friends where one has cheated & I've known. I told the cheater to fess up within X timeframe, or I'd do it for them. They always did, worked things out with their SO, and I didn't have to get involved. But, in those situations, I was good friends with both and I felt like I was keeping something important from my friend if I didn't.

I've also been cheated on, and although I figured it out on my own, I had a friend tell me about it a couple days later, when she found out. Had I not known, I would have wanted the info. And, as it stands, I used the fact that somebody else had told me about it too as corroborating evidence when I confronted the asshole.

I think you need to be sure it can't come back to hurt you at work (wait for the investigation to be complete, etc.) first. But if I were in your shoes, I think I'd tell her, and I wouldn't hide behind a phoney FB account. I'd pluck up the courage and do it with my name on it. If you're hiding, it looks shady - like you just want to screw with him (no pun intended). If you're open with her about who you are, it'll be more believable.

laurenclaire1386 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wwyd-wr-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6b4513eb-c6ae-476e-a233-fc06d90fab81Post:894fafa3-1e8f-4b5f-816c-18d6655f3e49">Re: WWYD - WR :(</a>:
[QUOTE]Man, I HATE it when people delete the OP!!! If you wanted to delete it because of sensitive subject matter or concern about people finding it, at least leave a disclaimer in there instead of a pinecone. Now I'm sick AND cranky :P
Posted by polichik[/QUOTE]

To be fair, she did say somewhere (and maybe the now deleted OP, so that's not much help) she was going to delete. But I can sum it up for you: boss cheating on his FI, should she tell?

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wwyd-wr-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6b4513eb-c6ae-476e-a233-fc06d90fab81Post:894fafa3-1e8f-4b5f-816c-18d6655f3e49">Re: WWYD - WR :(</a>:
[QUOTE]Man, I HATE it when people delete the OP!!! If you wanted to delete it because of sensitive subject matter or concern about people finding it, at least leave a disclaimer in there instead of a pinecone. Now I'm sick AND cranky :P
Posted by polichik[/QUOTE]

She said in the original OP she was going to delete it and replace it with a picture of a pinecone... which... she did. I think it is pretty funny, but then, I got to read to OP.

WWYD - WR :(

Re: WWYD - WR :(

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