Not enough Seats

benandmeggan · December 2012

We are only inviting family to our wedding. However we have too many family members for the budget. We have thought of asking the parents of the children not in the wedding to not have the children attend, but that seemed rude and we know that some of the parents wouldn't attend the wedding if their children could not attend. What would you suggest?

LnL60810 · December 2012

I am a mom of 5. Finding a babysitter that can handle 5 kids at once can be kind of tough. I have a daughter that is paranoid schizophrenic w/ depression so that makes it even harder. If you tell them with plenty of time in advance it will give the parents ample time to find someone. Maybe suggest one of the older kids to babysit and eveyone chip in from there. Or have a few teenagers and they split it down the middle. Just make sure that you explain that there is limited seating at the venue and apologize for the inconvenience.

AmJam04 · December 2012

There's nothing wrong or taboo about having an adult-only wedding, so don't feel bad.

I also agree with PP that if you give them enough time in advance to make accomodations, that should be enough.

emmyroo · December 2012

If you decide not to have kids, just don't say, "you're invited, but little Tommy's not". it's also considered rude by many to say "no kids" on the invite. You indicate who's invited on the invitiation envelope (i.e. Mr. and Mrs. Smith, vs The Smith Family). Some people also say on the reply card who's invited by either saying how many seats are "reserved in their honor" or by asking specificially which guests will/won't be coming - works especially well if you have multiple entree options and need to know specifically who wants what (Mr. Smith will/won't be coming and/or meal choice; Mrs. Smith will/won't be coming and/or meal choice - no mention of kids, since they're not invited)

It's also a good idea to make a rule about how you're going to decide where to draw the line with kids, such as no one under 12 or first cousins only - and stick to it without exceptions (or very few, extreme circumstances like nieces/nephews or godchildren, but no random kids). If someone complains, say something like, "We wish we could invite everyone, but we're on a budget. We hope to see you there." - no reason to cave if they threaten not to come. Stand your ground, and its their loss if they decide not to come. If babysitters are a problem, maybe you could give some suggestions of responsible young adults you know who would be willing to babysit that day, and like PP said, give them plenty of time.

Hope that helps! It's never fun trying to cut down the guest list, especially if it means leaving out people you wish could come.

kerryberry13 · December 2012

I'm not having any children whatsoever at my wedding with the exception of my niece and nephew who are the flower girl and ring bearer. I sent the Save the Dates to "Mr. & Mrs. ----". I have plenty of room at my venue but do not want children because if I did, there would be over 30 young children running around which would make it feel much more like a child's birthday party than a classy reception. There's still plenty of time for parents to find a babysitter. I don't even feel rude about it because every single wedding I've been to in the past few years only had adult guests.

keyaira04 · December 2012

Agree with pp. Make some guidelines and stick with them. Make sure FI, and your/his parents know of it. Some do consider placing this request on the invites rude. So: Place on website your guidelines about children (I have a FAQ section) Use word of mouth to inform parents about the guidelines Or inform parents in a follow up convo after you send the STD or prior to invites. This cleared the air for us in a caring way. I advise doing this BEFORE the invites are out. It may help end confusion. Plus, from my experience with the STDs, most people in my circle did not keep/ read their envelops, so expecting them to get the memo about our exceptions regarding children would have not been received. Yep, I formally addressed my STDs to try this out and not too many parents saw I only wrote Mr and Ms/Mrs and not included "and family". Glad I followed up. As pp suggested, parents will find a way to make arrangements, if they choose to do so. Lastly, be prepared for some parents to submit regrets and be ok with it. Sometimes, even with the best intentions, this request does not sit well or not meet the families needs. This happens for other events as well. We can only hope they inform us of their regrets in a timely matter.

shilotony2012 · December 2012

YEa, we are only having kids of and in the wedding party. That is it. I hate that we cant have everyone we want, but with money how it is this is how it will have to be.

Not enough Seats

Re: Not enough Seats

Choose Another Board

Search Boards