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Need Opinions

sweetpea70189sweetpea70189
First Comment
in Pennsylvania-Pittsburgh
So my parents have told me that they are going to give me 10,000 to use for my wedding for whatever I want.  My FI parents said they will give us 10,000 and whatever else we need to help cover the cost of the wedding.  My dilemma...I have found the perfect venue site but it uses all of my parents money and my FI's parents money.  My parents think that it is to expensive.   His parents think we are getting a great deal.  I wasn't give any restrictions on what or how to use the money and now when I tell them how I want to use it they don't like my idea.  What should I do?  I really don't want to have to start back at square one finding a reception venue.  I really like the one that I have picked.  Please help!  Thanks :)
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Re: Need Opinions

  • nicole098nicole098
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Though not to be used as a hard rule, there are rules of thumb to help guide divy your budget for all wedding items (ex: the Knot's budgeting tool). Does the $20K (if I did my math right) cover only your venue? Would it consume your entire budget--is there other money in the picture?

    This whole process is very relative. If your budget is $100k, then $20k for venue would be different than if your budget was $25k total.

    As far as your parents thinking it's expensive, did you talk to them to understand their POV? Though the gift from them had no restrictions, there are going to be unspoken expectations. This has happened once or twice on small things with my folks. Finding out why can help you navigate the road a little better without the guilt, IMO.

    GL.


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  • sweetpea70189sweetpea70189
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    20,000 is just what we have been told they would give us, but my FI parents are willing to cover any extra costs.  As far as talking to my parents I did and their opinion and they just think its a lot of money for one night.  I agree that it is a lot of money but I want a nice reception.  Our definitions of nice are a little bit different.
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  • jenice95jenice95 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011

    Have you estimated your total wedding budget yet? While the venue will likely take up a lot of that budget, I think you need to consider how it fits into your overall budget. And are you prepared to cover the additional wedding costs yourselves if it means that much to you to have that venue?

    Additionally that number is dependent on your wedding guest list too. Easiest way to drop that number is to cut the list a bit, if thats an option.

    Now budgets are personal to the individual, but IMO 20,000 is a lot of money (unless you are having a wedding w/300 guests).


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  • cgyvhucgyvhu member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    What does 20K include?  rental fee? cake? drinks/dinner/tables/linens/chairs?  and for how many people?  Unless it includes everything listed above, I'd say its very expensive for the area.  If it does include everything, then its just pretty expensive for the area.

    You also have to remember that the average DJ runs 1K, photographer 2K, limo 500-600, and flowers 1K or more... that doesn't include your dress, veil, hair, makeup, etc.  You could easily spend 10K on all the extras, even if your venue includes everything above.

    So yes, it's really expensive for Pittsburgh.  And you can definitely have a nice reception for less in the area.  But it's your wedding, you and the people who are paying get to decide what you spend the money on.  Just because your parents didnt originally attach strings to the money doesn't mean they can't change their mind....I would make a choice of venue/budget that they are comfortable with.

    Something else to keep in mind - are you sure FI's parents are willing to cover extra costs if those costs are upwards of 10K?
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  • cgyvhucgyvhu member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    also, what venue is it?  We could try to suggest area venues that are similar in terms of look but not in cost (if you are open to changing the venue).
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  • pantherRNpantherRN member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I agree with everything md said, as usual.

    And like md said, you need to remember the little extras that get in the way. For example, I went dress shopping this weekend. The dress that I loved easily went from $1200 to $2600 once you include all of the accessories (veil, slip, beaded belt) and estimated alterations (ordering the dress for my height). The whole "wedding business" is like that. You could easily spend $20K on your reception and end up with a $35-$45K wedding once it's all over. It's not hard at all. If you,  your FI and both of your families are comfortable with that sort of price tag, then go for it.

    Please stick around and post and good luck ;)
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  • cgyvhucgyvhu member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    panther - I always agree with you too, haha.

    also - did you choose the dress for sure?  Have pictures? I want to see!!

    OP - hope you realize we aren't trying to be harsh, just honest.  Def stick around and post more - we like to help.
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  • lindsayzelezniklindsayzeleznik
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    What is included in the price is so important. We narrowed our choices down to two venues - they were the same price per person but the one we chose included A LOT more. Also, it's important to be mindful of service charges and tax - these can increase the total by quite a bit. I think it would be helpful to know your venue - we've all shopped around quite a bit (I'm sure) and if you had to reconsider the venue, you definitely wouldn't be at square one. HTH!
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  • sweetpea70189sweetpea70189
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thanks for all of your help.  As far as budget goes, the dress is a separate budget completely.  Somebody else will be paying for it.  The venue that we are looking at is the Marriot in Cranberry.  The only things not incldued in the price of the venue are the dj, cake, photographer, and flowers. We have a friend who is a dj and a friend who is going to do the pictures so those parts are covered.  My FI aunt and uncle are paying for our cake.  I have to get fake flowers because my sister has bad allergies and I don't want her to have to deal with a runny nose all night.  I know fake flowers are still a little pricey but they are much more reasonable than real ones.  As far as my FI parents willing to go over costs, they are more than willing to give us whatever we need.  There are also a few other perks to having the reception at this venue that most other venues don't offer. 
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  • cgyvhucgyvhu member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    remember that other costs include invitations/paper items (escort cards/menues/etc), favors, transportation, hair/makeup, veil and accessories, and the officiant/ceremony space.  I would make a budget including all these items and looking at average costs in the area to determine what your overall costs would be and whether you/FI/both sets of parents feel good about that final number.

    That said, you sound like you are set on the venue, so I would make that budget and try to explain to your parents that the overall costs won't exceed 20K by too much and that you are able to make it work with other people's contributions. 
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  • pantherRNpantherRN member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    The only thing I have to add is that that price is not going to include the 21% service fee and 6% sales tax. That's a couple thousand more, so keep that in mind too. You're actually looking at about $25,400 when you calculate the fees and tax.

    Good luck!
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