Pennsylvania-Philadelphia

XP: Guests Attend Wedding, But Don't Bring Gifts

As I was working on my TY notes last night, it occurred to me that four guests who came to the wedding did not bring gifts, nor mail them before/after the wedding.  I know a gift is never a requirement, and I am NOT a "gift-grubber", but, personally, I would never come to a wedding empty-handed.  To me, it's just rude.

Has this happened to anyone else?

Re: XP: Guests Attend Wedding, But Don't Bring Gifts

  • edited December 2011
    Yes.  I had 4... but one sent a card a little while ago, so the final count is 3.  I don't expect to ever get anything from them.  2 of them didn't bother getting a card.

    ETA:  Oops forgot one... we had 4 total, 3 didn't bring cards.
  • edited December 2011
    I think we were lucky. Only two people did not give a gift and she was a BM who put out a ton of money for other things, and she's a college student so I told her not to buy anything anyway. and one of the readers, but she paid for my nails to get done (which I didn't know until I went to pay) and her parents (not invited but came to ceremony, she still lives with them).

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  • LadyJ10LadyJ10 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Some people still follow the old "you have a year to send a gift" rule. We had a couple of people not bring one/send it before, but I'm not too worried about it! Their thank you cards just thanked them for sharing the day with us!
    And they're the five best friends that anyone could have, the five best friends that anyone could have! Photobucket
  • edited December 2011
    I understand times are tough for people but I also think it is rude. But what are you going to do except not invite them to your kids festivities ;)
  • edited December 2011
    I think people should at least do a card. So you know something was lost or taken from the wedding ya know. And it lets the bride and groom know you care you just may not have the money.
    I could never go to a wedding without bringing a gift.

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  • Musicheals71Musicheals71 member
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_pennsylvania-philadelphia_xp-guest-attend-wedding-but-dont-bring-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:105Discussion:9a7f393a-1ded-404c-9059-514b51a4f294Post:4d11e5aa-029b-4771-862a-f9255a7c3f6a">Re: XP: Guests Attend Wedding, But Don't Bring Gifts</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think people should at least do a card. So you know something was lost or taken from the wedding ya know. And it lets the bride and groom know you care you just may not have the money. <strong>I could never go to a wedding without bringing a gift.
    </strong>Posted by drink227[/QUOTE]

    Exactly, or at least mailing one!  And you don't have to spend a shitton of money on a gift; it's the thought that counts, right?
  • edited December 2011
    We had 75 people so everyone (besides "and guests") knew us personally.  There weren't any strangers or parents' friends there.  I feel more offended for this reason.
  • edited December 2011
    I also think it is very rude. We actually only had one not bring a card or a gift. He is a friend of ours. He is on the young side (22) and just graduated college/started a job. It's not a huge deal, but I will probably always remember that he didn't give us a gift.

    He even made it a point to tell DH at a bar, after a few drinks, that his love for us was enough of a gift. Nice.
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  • Musicheals71Musicheals71 member
    First Anniversary First Comment Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_pennsylvania-philadelphia_xp-guest-attend-wedding-but-dont-bring-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:105Discussion:9a7f393a-1ded-404c-9059-514b51a4f294Post:cda94f9b-05b2-4915-9775-833308907480">Re: XP: Guests Attend Wedding, But Don't Bring Gifts</a>:
    [QUOTE]We had 75 people so everyone (besides "and guests") knew us personally.  There weren't any strangers or parents' friends there.  I feel more offended for this reason.
    Posted by miguelhilary2010[/QUOTE]

    Same here, Hilary; we had 106 guests, and I knew every single person there except two "and guests".  Even my parents' friends I knew personally, and they ALL brought gifts!
  • edited December 2011
    When I know someone is getting married, I stalk their registry and find sales, so I can stay in my budget, yet get them something that is nice. I would be offended. I felt bad when we only gave DH"s cousin a $50 gift card. but his family all wanted to go in together (would have been 7 total in the gift 6 of whom came to the wedding) and only give them $100. So I felt better at least doing $50 .. which happened to be a BB&B gc we got for our engagement, because we didn't have time or money at that point to get a gc. But we made it work.

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  • jessica0602jessica0602 member
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    edited December 2011
    I had several guests not bring gifts.  I still sent them thank you notes but just worded them differently.  You have to be gracious and still thank them for coming and being a part of your day. 
  • edited December 2011
    My parents got an IOU at their wedding.
  • edited December 2011
    Nicole - was it ever repaid?

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  • Musicheals71Musicheals71 member
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_pennsylvania-philadelphia_xp-guest-attend-wedding-but-dont-bring-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:105Discussion:9a7f393a-1ded-404c-9059-514b51a4f294Post:cc330b6d-9d67-4da1-ad5f-8c89a1b2d990">Re: XP: Guests Attend Wedding, But Don't Bring Gifts</a>:
    [QUOTE]My parents got an IOU at their wedding.
    Posted by nicole8586[/QUOTE]

    OK, now that's just tacky!
  • bigjajapoofbigjajapoof member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    As of now we have 148 people (number seems to keep dropping). I expect to not receive a gift from roughly half the people. Most of them being people on my moms side who are trash anyway.
    Even though i'm now married you ladies can't get rid of me. Hit me up www.facebook.com/groomzilla BOOYAH!!!
  • edited December 2011
    I don't think so.
  • LadyJ10LadyJ10 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_pennsylvania-philadelphia_xp-guest-attend-wedding-but-dont-bring-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:105Discussion:9a7f393a-1ded-404c-9059-514b51a4f294Post:51539435-d51c-452f-8a85-0a0b377bf295">Re: XP: Guests Attend Wedding, But Don't Bring Gifts</a>:
    [QUOTE]He even made it a point to tell DH at a bar, after a few drinks, that his love for us was enough of a gift. Nice.
    Posted by Madam A[/QUOTE]

    Wow. Just wow.

    My grandmother always taught me it was rude to bring a gift to the wedding -- that you always send it to the bride's parents' house before or right after the wedding. So there are different norms for different parts of the country, etc. Granted, I know you all are talking about gifts you will never receive, except for Madam A's DH's friend's love. And I'll go out on a limb and say probably his on going douchebaggery, as well (no offense meant to you or your DH, Ang)!

    That being said, I would never attend a wedding and not give a gift! The whole bringing a card thing is new for me, as prior to dating DH, I always sent the gift well in advance.

    Since the wedding, I think we're always going to give cash from now on! I have to admit, we took much of that cash on the honeymoon with us... Okay, all of it.
    And they're the five best friends that anyone could have, the five best friends that anyone could have! Photobucket
  • edited December 2011
    LadyJ  we took the cash on the HM too, and what was left of it when we got back was used to get tattoos.  Nice!
  • ev4149ev4149 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Personally, I think it's rude not to give a gift.... or at least give a card.  I mean, you can get a card for 99 cents or print one off of the computer.  That takes practically no effort/money.  I mean, when I am invited to a friend's house for dinner, I always bring wine or an appetizer or flowers... why would going to a wedding be any different?
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  • edited December 2011
    My sister had one guest of her 100 guests at her wedding not give her a card/gift. My mom was actually talking to her one time and the lady did mention she was going to send one soon, and it never did come.

    My step-cousin actually arrived to one of my cousin's weddings without a gift, and my aunt had called her asking if one of the wrapped gifts without a card was from her. Needless to say, her step-mom (my aunt) got quite pissed and told her that if she didn't have the money at the time she could have told her and they would have helped her with getting one.

    I've always been taught you don't go to a festivity as such without some kind of gift.
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_pennsylvania-philadelphia_xp-guest-attend-wedding-but-dont-bring-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:105Discussion:9a7f393a-1ded-404c-9059-514b51a4f294Post:0f34ea1b-ac6b-4bd9-ac75-8bf761f2000b">Re: XP: Guests Attend Wedding, But Don't Bring Gifts</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: XP: Guests Attend Wedding, But Don't Bring Gifts : Wow. Just wow. My grandmother always taught me it was rude to bring a gift to the wedding -- that you always send it to the bride's parents' house before or right after the wedding. So there are different norms for different parts of the country, etc. Granted, I know you all are talking about gifts you will never receive, <strong>except for Madam A's DH's friend's love. And I'll go out on a limb and say probably his on going douchebaggery, as well (no offense meant to you or your DH, Ang)!</strong> That being said, I would never attend a wedding and not give a gift! The whole bringing a card thing is new for me, as prior to dating DH, I always sent the gift well in advance. Since the wedding, I think we're always going to give cash from now on! I have to admit, we took much of that cash on the honeymoon with us... Okay, all of it.
    Posted by LadyJ10[/QUOTE]

    Douchebaggery. Ha!!! No offense taken.
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  • Amerbutt81Amerbutt81 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    one of my BMs didn't give a gift.  Or a card.  Whatever.  She was a ROYAL pain in my azz during the whole process, and we kind of aren't speaking to each other right now.  She's not even getting a thank you card for attending.

    We had  friends of ours not give us a gift.  I'm not angry about it, just more perplexed then anything.   She's a lawyer at a VERY good firm and he has a trust fund.  They went to Rome AND Hawaii this year.  Times are not tough for them.  At all.    I would like to say they didn't know any better, however, I know they've been to other weddings. 
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  • edited December 2011
    I had a few relatives, and a handful of friends and 1 coworker not give a gift.   I don't care that much, but I would have liked a card at least..   Heres the kicker, and most of you have heard this story before:

    One person gave us a card, with a check in it..  Deposited the check - it bounced.  Got charged a $35 bounced check fee!!   So I basically paid EXTRA now for them to come to my wedding.   I didn't want to mention it to them in case it was a sensitive topic to them so my plan was to just 'thank them for coming' in their card.  A week later, I get an email from the guy "Hey, we wrote the check out of the wrong account, did you cash it yet?  It'll probably bounce" - I said "yeah, actually we did, whoops" to try to make light of it and not make them feel stupid, but also not lie.  His response "Oops, I hope they don't hit you with a fee!" .. I said "Eek, yeah, I think they did"... and he didn't reply after that.  Thanks mister!  Very nice of you.
  • edited December 2011

    How do you send a Thank You card to someone who doesn't even give a card??  I doubt I'd be willing to pay for the postage lol.  My wedding is on the larger side and I'm not that familiar with a lot of my parents friends- I know them by face not by name- so  I'd have no clue if some ppl were even there or not if they don't at least  give a card.  Personally I don't see going to a wedding without giving a gift. I'm not sure how ppl do it.

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  • edited December 2011
    ooods - that is CLASSY.
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  • Musicheals71Musicheals71 member
    First Anniversary First Comment Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Wow, Oods, that is really bad!

    Thanks for sharing your stories, ladies.  LOVE this board! Kiss
  • edited December 2011
    We really lucked out - everyone that came to our wedding (175 ppl) gave a gift, even my 20-year-old cousin who was leaving for the navy the next day gave us a card and a small gift.  We had one card not accounted for but the couple called my dad to say they had such a great time that they literally forgot to put it in our card box.  

    I was more offended by the people (some very close to us) that RSVP'd yes and then didn't show. Yell
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  • edited December 2011
    We had a few people not give us gifts.  Shockingly my sister and his brother still have not given us anything.  My sister's husband doesn't have a job right now so I'm not mad about it but she asked me the other day if I wanted to go in on a large gift for our SIL's baby shower.  I'm thinking to myself, you can get her this big gift but not a wedding gift for your own sister!  Anyway, a co-worker and 2 friends also didn't give a gift.  The friends are rather flaky so I was sort of expecting not to get anything from them but one of the actually asked for my address after the wedding saying she forgot to leave the gift.  Well that was a few months ago and I never got anything.
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