Should My Fiance See My Dress?

Bird&Bear08 · July 2010

I'm confused about a certain tradition regarding wedding dresses. I've been told that it's "bad luck" for the groom to see the bride in her wedding dress before the wedding; but this brought up the question 'Is it "bad luck" for the groom to see the bride's dress at all before the wedding?'

While my Matron of Honor and I were using a David's Bridal application to "Dress Your Wedding" online, (which uses the dresses and colors you've chosen to show you how your wedding party will appear), my fiance walked by. I covered the avatar of myself, which was wearing my wedding dress, so that he couldn't see it. This started an argument over whether or not it's appropriate for him to see the dress at all before the wedding. He insists that it's only "bad luck" if he sees me wearing it. My Matron of Honor and his Best Man say that he's not supposed to see it at all.

This inability to see my dress really seemed to hurt my fiance's feelings. (Plus, he's the type of fiance who has opinions regarding a few aspects of the wedding- the cake, the colors, etc. He wants to be involved). And I don't like hurting him; but at the same time, I'm moderately superstitious, and he is too, so I don't want to do anything that will bring us "bad luck."

What is the true tradition regarding wedding dresses, and (please take the poll for this) what are you personally doing in regards to this situation- should he see it, or should he wait 'till the wedding?

trix1223 · July 2010

Really? It's a superstition. That's all. If you want him to see you in the dress, show him. If you don't because you want an ah-ha moment on wedding day, then don't show him.

But if you're not showing him because you think your marriage is going to fail if he sees you in the dress, that's just silly.

Reminds me of one of my favorite Michael Scott quotes: "I'm not superstitious. Well, I'm a little stitious."

mica178 · July 2010

My fiance wants to be surprised when he sees me walking down the aisle. But that's his and my preference. I don't think that seeing it or not is going to be the make or break part of your marriage's success.

SarahPLiz · July 2010

This is a decision you should make together. The success of your marriage has nothing to do with attire or who sees it when (unless its someone other than your FI seeing your undies...but that's another discussion).

You should decide together what element of surprise you want.

FWIW, my FI has seen my dress on the internet, on the model. However, no one has ever accused me of looking like a model, and it looks totally different on me. His curiosity was satisfied and I know there will still be that OMG moment when I walk down the aisle.

aerinpegadrak · July 2010

I know women who've gone dress shopping with their FIs, and they're still happily married. I think you're being silly. If he wants so badly to see the dress, just let him see it. The only reason my husband didn't see the dress in advance was because HE didn't want to.

megk8oz · July 2010

DH wanted my dress to be a surprise. I never had to stress it to him, he just looked away whenever I showed anybody pictures of it.

FWIW, I did the "dress my wedding" thing on the DB site, and my dress barely resembled the "avatar" version of it ... like, it looked like a strapless ballgown, but that was where the similarities stopped.. For as weird as DH was about not looking at the actual dress, he had no problems looking at the avatar dress once I assured him it was a very loose interpretation.

vgmartinez · July 2010

I chose yes, let him see it because him seeing it is not going to determine your marriage. I'm superstitious about some things but not to the point where I let them dictate my life. However, I'm choosing not to let FI see my dress because I simply want him to see me for the first time in it walking down the aisle, not because it's "bad luck".

kelly&wayne · July 2010

My FI won't see or know anythign about my dress until I walk down the aisle. That is how we both wanted it, not due to anything about bad luck. We both just want to have that wow moment as we see each other for the 1st time as I walk down the aisle.

If you want him to see it before to make you or him feel better about it, then go for it. It's great that your FI is wanting to be involved in the planning. As far as my FI is concerned, as long as he's at the end of the aisle on time, the rest is up to me :-)The only thing that would concern me is if he has an opinion about your dress that you are not thrilled with. I'm sure your dress is gorgeous...after all, what wedding dress isn't :-)??? But what if he says something about your dress that you don't like?

alehayes · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_should-fiance-see-dress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:668f6bae-1ebe-4af3-914d-42626f44398ePost:60cb9d6a-3ad6-4e0d-b223-061468a3340e">Re: Should My Fiance See My Dress?</a>:
[QUOTE]This is a decision you should make together. The success of your marriage has nothing to do with attire or who sees it when (unless its someone other than your FI seeing your undies...but that's another discussion). You should decide together what element of surprise you want. FWIW, my FI has seen my dress on the internet, on the model. However, no one has ever accused me of looking like a model, and it looks totally different on me. His curiosity was satisfied and I know there will still be that OMG moment when I walk down the aisle.
Posted by SarahPLiz[/QUOTE]

That's out situation too. FI has seen the dress online, and he says he thinks it will look amazing on me, but both of us don't want him to see it on me until I'm walking down the aisle.

I actually sort of included FI in the dress-finding process. When I first started looking at dresses online, I'd send him pics and ask him what he thought (unfortunately, this led to him feeling guilty for having nothing to say other than "Uh, that's pretty.") I also sent him pics of me in a couple dresses I didn't like (he said he was "really happy to see me in a wedding dress"...so cute :) )

He did say when he

vegasgroom · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_should-fiance-see-dress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:668f6bae-1ebe-4af3-914d-42626f44398ePost:5727ee6d-577e-44ae-817e-1f74af8b34b6">Re: Should My Fiance See My Dress?</a>:
[QUOTE]My FI won't see or know anythign about my dress until I walk down the aisle. That is how we both wanted it, not due to anything about bad luck. We both just want to have that wow moment as we see each other for the 1st time as I walk down the aisle. If you want him to see it before to make you or him feel better about it, then go for it
Posted by kelly&wayne[/QUOTE]

Same with my FI and I. She's keeping the dress top secret until I see her coming down the aisle towards me because we want to have the surprise, nothing to do with superstition.

To the OP, if your FI is that worked up about it maybe better to show him, everyone is different. More and more people seem to be doing their WP photos before the ceremony these days too so obviously less people are concerned about seeing the dress in advance, just a personal choice.

[Deleted User] · July 2010

All that stuff is superstition/old wives tales. My H didn't want to see me or my dress before the wedding, so we didn't. That is how I wanted it as well. I guess we are just a bit traditional when it comes to that. However, there are many brides who do first looks or whatever, and it is very special and important to them. It may even get any last minute jitters out for the two of you.

I think this is something you need to discuss with your FI and ask him what he wants before you decide on anything. If he doesn't want to see you, then you should respect that and do that. If he doesn't care, then have a first look a few minutes before the ceremony. And this is something that can be decided when you get a little closer as well.

aerinpegadrak · July 2010

I think that seeing the dress before the ceremony and seeing the dress before the wedding day are two different things. We did pre-ceremony pictures and a first look, but DH still wanted that first look to be a surprise, and didn't see the dress at all prior to the wedding day.

Seriously, if he's pressing this hard to see it, just show him the damn dress. It's not worth fighting over.

luckyme502 · July 2010

We just think it will be nicer for us if he doesn't see the dress or me until I walk down the aisle.

When we watch wedding shows and he says something about how he doesn't like the bride's dress, I always tell him that it is the same dress I'm wearing. It's a running joke now.

skyler1108 · July 2010

My FI wanted to see my dress but he didn't want to see me in it or anyone else for that matter. He wouldn't look at a picture of my dress from the magazine because he said the only person he wanted to see wear my dress was me but he didn't want to see it on me until the wedding. I do have the dress hanging up in our closet and he did see it on the hanger but wants to wait to see it on me.

jemmini6 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_should-fiance-see-dress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:668f6bae-1ebe-4af3-914d-42626f44398ePost:5727ee6d-577e-44ae-817e-1f74af8b34b6">Re: Should My Fiance See My Dress?</a>:
[QUOTE]My FI won't see or know anythign about my dress until I walk down the aisle. That is how we both wanted it, not due to anything about bad luck. We both just want to have that wow moment as we see each other for the 1st time as I walk down the aisle. If you want him to see it before to make you or him feel better about it, then go for it. It's great that your FI is wanting to be involved in the planning. As far as my FI is concerned, as long as he's at the end of the aisle on time, the rest is up to me :-)The only thing that would concern me is if he has an opinion about your dress that you are not thrilled with. I'm sure your dress is gorgeous...after all, what wedding dress isn't :-)??? But what if he says something about your dress that you don't like?
Posted by kelly&wayne[/QUOTE]

ditto. the dress is the one thing he is not allowed to have ANYidea about. i'm actually thinking i want to surprise most of our guests too so the only people who will see my dress before i walk down the isle are the people who go with me to buy it and help me get it on the day of.

kpwedkk · July 2010

I agree - guests, relatives, and especially h2b, didn't see my dress until I walked down the aisle. It's that first time look that's so special to both of us. If it makes you feel any better, i didn't get to see his outfit either until I was walking down the aisle. We just color coordinated on swatches.

dizzinea · July 2010

i was absolutly torn between two and let my fiance pick, he knew me so well and he was 100% right, i love my dress, on the way home he said, you know the next time I'll see you in that dress you will be my wife, it was awesome!
so if you want him to see it go for it!

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · July 2010

You know it's not REALLY bad luck, right?

My FI has seen a picture of my dress and he'll see me when we do pictures before the ceremony.

HKD817 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_should-fiance-see-dress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:668f6bae-1ebe-4af3-914d-42626f44398ePost:e10350e4-1ede-4af8-bb99-3a71987ee675">Re: Should My Fiance See My Dress?</a>:
[QUOTE]Really? It's a superstition. That's all. If you want him to see you in the dress, show him. If you don't because you want an ah-ha moment on wedding day, then don't show him. But if you're not showing him because you think your marriage is going to fail if he sees you in the dress, that's just silly. Reminds me of one of my favorite Michael Scott quotes: "I'm not superstitious. Well, I'm a little stitious."
Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE]

I agree. Its all just a bunch of hocus pocus!! My FI and I are having our pics before the ceremony so he will see me. Oh well. If anything it should ease our nerves alittle bit before we are in front of all those people.

marshallstreetred · July 2010

Personally I don't think it's a big deal. It's just a personal preference talk to him and do whatever you both feel most comfortable with.

Knittibell · July 2010

Yeah, I was adamant FI not see my dress at ALL. He then chose his suit and didn't let me see it, which was fair. Mainly we wanted the surprise element seeing each other- but also I was REALLY superstitious. ..

He was killed by an elderly driver a year after our wedding. So, this time around, if FI wants to CHOOSE my freakin' dress, I'm fine with that.

It sounds like it means a lot for your fi to see the dress- but if he's got strong opinions, what will you do if he hates it? That, IMO, would be the reason for him not to see it- because once you're IN it, he'll love it.

kirstenr · July 2010

My FI really feels strongly about not seeing it. I actually probably couldn't care less about the situation if I tried, but the fact that he feels so strongly about it dictates my actions. I made sure to not let him hear me talk about any detail of it, he won't see pictures, etc.

If it's important to him that he sees it and NOT important to you that he doesn't, there's really no problem. I don't understand superstition. It's a dress.

babywolf77 · August 2010

I did not have a feeling either way, and we to are taking pics before the ceremony, so we would see each other anyhow. I asked my FI if he wanted to be involved in finding my dress and he actually light up like a christmas tree with excitment. I was soo excited to have hime be a part of it.

Frankly, I don't care if everyone else thinks my dress is ugly, his opinion is what I care about, so now I know he LOVES my dress as much as I do!!!

abell1015 · August 2010

My fiance really wants to see me in my dress but I really want that aha moments so to compromise I am showing him pictures of me in all of the dresses that I am trying on and not telling him which one it is. That way he still gets to see me in the dresses and express his opinion but won't know which one that I'll be wearing on our wedding day.

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