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Washington-Seattle

Oh it is nice to have just 1 level headed parent

If you saw my open letter earlier, I shared how my mother has gone into MOB overdrive, and there isn't even a date set.
Well I got an email from a company I had never heard off offering wedding cruises. and I got nervous. They had an approx. date that I am dreaming of. I didn't think I had given this information out yet, so I figured it was some snooping or something....
but no! Turns out my mother had given out my contact information. and I was LIVID! I actually started a very angry post, when my dad calls me, and I ask "are you upset over the same thing I am?" and of course, he knew what I was talking about. Turns out, my mom called him and asked if he could plan my wedding with her (yes, the two of them, my lovely divorced parents who don't get along -but hello, why wasn't I invited--anyway) and when he said he didn't want to she got upset with him and then asked if he is going to "contribute financially" to wedding, and he said he wouldn't discuss it and she became histerical. Well he called me right after, and we laughed about it.
I came back to my computer, erased my angry post. and started this.
I am still very annoyed that my mom gave out my contact information to a company I have never heard of. But at least I have had a chance to vent to my (very, very understanding) father, and won't snap at her later.
But seriously, I don't want to get married in San Diego. I grew up there, my family is there, but other than those people I feel no connection to the city. I left there to be with my bf (now FI) after being apart for well over a year. This is where I started a life with him. This is where I want to get married. I just don't know how to make her understand that. *sigh*


Girls is stripper heels, boys rolling in Maseratis,
all they need in this world is some love.
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Re: Oh it is nice to have just 1 level headed parent

  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_washington-seattle_oh-nice-just-1-level-headed-parent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:104Discussion:37968b35-dc56-4412-bea6-2ff916e30900Post:30705846-4144-4aa0-bbda-96049f77c274">Oh it is nice to have just 1 level headed parent</a>:
    [QUOTE] <strong>I grew up there, my family is there, but other than those people I feel no connection to the city. I left there to be with my bf (now FI) after being apart for well over a year. This is where I started a life with him. This is where I want to get married. I just don't know how to make her understand that. *sigh*</strong>
    Posted by abrieckinthewall[/QUOTE]

    Have you told her that ^^^^ ?

    Sorry you have to deal with crazy MOB.......I think you'll just have to be really serious and stern with her and tell her that this is your wedding and you would love if she helps.....but there is limits. Give her certain duties and ask her to stay away from others.........and make it<strong> VERY</strong> clear that you are having your wedding in Seattle. End of story. End of discussion. Andddd really it is none of your mom's business how much your father might or might not contribute to your wedding....

    Eeek. Tricky situation!!!
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • edited December 2011
    I am so sorry! Just hearing about the situation now for the first time, (don't know if you've posted about things like this in the past) you are so lucky to have such a great supportive father! It's too bad your mom won't listen and it sounds like she has massive control issues regarding YOUR wedding!

    That's what the Knot is for! Vent your heart out! It helps and hopefully your FI lends an ear as well. The best you can do is keep your mom at arms length and just surround yourself with people who love and truly want to help you, not control you. I have some wonderful horror stories of my own about my mother from my wedding process. It can turn people into nightmares!
    Good luck and I hope everything works out.
    Married 7/17/2010 Photobucket PersonalMilestone
  • mgoss228mgoss228 member
    Sixth Anniversary 1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    ***hugs***  Weddings bring out the CRAZY in some people.  Try to be as honest and to the point when discussing anything WR to your mom, and maybe try to NOT talk about WR stuff with her or keep details to an absolute minimum.... you can blame "saving it all as a surprise to all of our guests" or something around that if you don't want/need her involvement.
    OMH est. May 7, 2011
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_washington-seattle_oh-nice-just-1-level-headed-parent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:104Discussion:37968b35-dc56-4412-bea6-2ff916e30900Post:69fe975b-e63c-47df-8876-fcdf0d6825bc">Re: Oh it is nice to have just 1 level headed parent</a>:
    [QUOTE]Weddings bring out the CRAZY in some people. 
    Posted by mgoss228[/QUOTE]

    Amen!!  This will most likely not be the first time you're confronted with CRAZY, but I think you do get the hang of it and no how to deal. 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • edited December 2011
    Thank you ladies!! I felt like I was able to take a breath after reading your words. My FI is really helpful in dealing with my mom (by that I mean shut up and let me rant --he is so good to met) but there is only so much crazy mom drama a person can take. so I understand when he gets frustrated with her hurting my feelings.
    My mom called me on my commute home regarding MORE WR stuff, and when I stood up to her, she started bullying me, of course I cowered. I was thinking before that I might give her like one project to focus on during the planning, like  centerpieces or the brunch the morning after to occupy her energies and keep her involved, but after this evening I want to cut her out of all details. Especially since planning hasn't actually started yet. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

    Girls is stripper heels, boys rolling in Maseratis,
    all they need in this world is some love.
    image
  • edited December 2011
    Oh, that's a great idea to give her one project to work on!! Give her a part of the wedding to plan that you care the least about so it won't matter if she's controlling about that one part. I can totally empathize with you with the crazy train!!! It's so annoying, right?! I have the opposite problem. I took my mom to help me pick out dresses and she just sat there with no expression and said meh, it's pretty. She won't like any dress I try on until I'm a siZe 6 which will NEVER happen! And then said she wants to wear the dress she wore at her wedding to my wedding! I told her that wasn't appropriate. Ha! Jeez! But, I digress:) hang in there:) try to set boundaries and make sure you put yourself first.
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