Momma Drama

Carson386 · August 2012

Maybe I am just being a bridezilla but, I really don't know what to do about this. My FMIL wants input on our cake. We decided to do a 3 tier cake and cupcakes. We want the tiered cake to be white then the cupcakes would be a variety of flavors. Cake tasting is taking place later this week. FMIL wants to go with us and pick out what the flavors of cupcakes will be. My issue- my parents and myself are paying for the wedding. I don't think that people that are not contributing should have a say in what we do. I did not ask FMIL for money as that would be rude. My parents offered to help and told us exactly how much they would give- the rest is on us. Do I let her go and pick out the flavors or what? FI and I were looking forward to spending time together doing this. I have taken her to 2 bridal shows and she was over bearing and wanted to tell me exactly what to do there.

megangaydos27 · August 2012

The way I see it is, you have 2 choices here. You can either invite her along and get some input and you can make the final decision or stop talking about the wedding with her. I can understand why your upset, but the wedding is one day. Would you want this to cause a strain in your relationship with your fmil, or invite her and help your relationship out.

MairePoppy · August 2012

Since she has not offered to pay for the cupcakes, it's up to you whether or not you want to bring her along to the cake tasting. If you decide not to include her, you could ask what her favorite flavor is, so you can include something that she likes.

In the future, don't mention vendor appointments to her unless you intend to invite her to go with you.

JaxInBlue · August 2012

Agree with PPs. Since she is not paying, she doesn't get a say but you and your FI need to decide if this is a hill you want to die on, so to speak. If you already know you want a variety of cupcake flavors, it could be easy to either invite her along and let her pick one or two or to find out what flavors she likes and include those in the selections you make.

If you and your FI decide that you want to go alone to the tasting, I would make sure he is the one that communicates that to her. (And FWIW, it sounds like she is looking for a way to be involved in your wedding; if cake tasting isn't the right place for her, maybe there is something you could invite her to participate in that is not as important to you or your FI, maybe picking out/designing programs or escort cards or whatever.)

Carson386 · August 2012

He plays a momma's boy half the time so I decided that I will let her go since he already told her about it. I am sticking to my guns though- certain cupcake flavors are more expensive than other and I absolutely WILL NOT buy them! I'll ave to mention to him that in the future, he can't tell her anything about things I set up. She's already angry with me for not making up and invite (I just bought the paper to DIY them) for her to see.

Carson386 · August 2012

Our only relationship issues stem from arguments about her. She has yelled at him for not inviting her to do our registry, not inviting her out with us when we went away (we went to nice hotel because we had been engaged for a year), not letting her pick our officiant, not letting her pick our invites, not letting her pick the menu for the reception and even the venue. I just wish he would stand up for himself. I'm sure I'm not her favorite person either. She tried telling me that I had to ask certain people (in her family that I don't know) to be my BMs, that didn't go over well.

MandM2000 · August 2012

GET.OVER.YOURSELF. That is my advice.

AceTT · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_momma-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:2541b58f-3430-4df1-b0e9-4c5e969896e6Post:626cddfd-d939-4031-82f6-dafa187d8587">Re: Momma Drama</a>:
[QUOTE]GET.OVER.YOURSELF. That is my advice.
Posted by MandM2000[/QUOTE]

Don't listen to the troll.

MairePoppy · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_momma-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:2541b58f-3430-4df1-b0e9-4c5e969896e6Post:2e768f4a-7848-4079-bd37-02938c089754">Re:Momma Drama</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Momma Drama: You need to have a long talk with your FI about the "momma's boy" thing and agreeing to things without checking with you. Personally, I don't think her going to a cake tasting is a big deal because you can always wait to make the final decision without her. But your reply raised some red flags about your relationship, and you need to get that squared away before the wedding.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

^^THIS^^

It's never about the cupcakes, is it?

Carson386 · August 2012

Thanks everyone. I'm going to have a chat with him tonight. Calmly explain my feeling about the whole thing to him. I really do love him dearly, I just don't think I can stand the controlling FMIL much longer. I also think someone (hopefully FI) needs to explain to her that this since we are the one's getting married, we want to plan this. I don't mind input but she can't yell at me for everything.

pink34562000 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_momma-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:2541b58f-3430-4df1-b0e9-4c5e969896e6Post:20b455d2-39f4-4bae-b3dd-0e5df29ba843">Re: Momma Drama</a>:
[QUOTE]Our only relationship issues stem from arguments about her. She has yelled at him for not inviting her to do our registry, not inviting her out with us when we went away (we went to nice hotel because we had been engaged for a year), not letting her pick our officiant, not letting her pick our invites, not letting her pick the menu for the reception and even the venue. I just wish he would stand up for himself. I'm sure I'm not her favorite person either. She tried telling me that I had to ask certain people (in her family that I don't know) to be my BMs, that didn't go over well.
Posted by Carson386[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>My FMIL kept reminding us multiple times that she wanted banana nut cake for our wedding cake. I was concerned that our guests could have nut allergies and people may not like banana, so we went with another flavor that everyone would enjoy.</div><div>
</div><div>Even when we made our decision, she was still persistent on banana nut cake. She would even describe how delicious banana nut cake was and how her other son really loved banana nut cake. At that point, I just nodded by head and said well we already made our decision to go with another flavor. But when your other son gets married, he is more than welcome to have banana nut cake for his wedding.</div><div>
</div><div>In other words, your FMIL can tell you how she really wants something. But since you and your FH are paying for the wedding, both of you make the final decisions. Your FMIL seems like she is very excited and happy and wants involvement. Since you and your FH are paying for it, it is your decision if you want her involved in the entire process or participate in other aspects of the wedding. Maybe, you decide that registry shopping should be something that you and your FH can do together. But, you can have her there to pick out your dress or maybe have her there for your first fitting instead. Or, she can make welcome bags for the out of town guests. Or help you put together favors.</div><div>
</div><div>Even if she offers her suggestions, there may be one or two of them that you may like. However, don't discount her suggestions completely. Just keep telling yourself that all decisions are made by you and your FH. If she is upset that she is not involved in every detail, your FH should talk to his mom about it.</div><div>
</div>

zitiqueen · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_momma-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:2541b58f-3430-4df1-b0e9-4c5e969896e6Post:3649c850-eda8-4f7a-98b9-ef3e624bfbcc">Re: Momma Drama</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks everyone. I'm going to have a chat with him tonight. Calmly explain my feeling about the whole thing to him. I really do love him dearly, I just don't think I can stand the controlling FMIL much longer.<strong> I also think someone (hopefully FI) needs to explain to her that this since we are the one's getting married, we want to plan this. I don't mind input but she can't yell at me for everything.</strong>
Posted by Carson386[/QUOTE]

Sure she can. Her son allows it. He would rather see you upset than his mother. Why should she stop treating you this way when it gets her what she wants? Do you really think his momma's boy ways are going to just miraculously stop and his balls will drop once you slide that ring on his finger? You're in for a lifetime of this for as long as he allows it to happen.

Good luck.

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