Matron of Honor..I do?

Re: Matron of Honor..I do?

• s-aries8990 member

  

  January 2013

  Just don't get too involved and if you're feeling kindabitchy one day that she asks you to do wedding-y stuff, just decline. It's not your job to be her wedding planner.
  
  Just for the record, did you invite her bf/now-FI to the wedding with her?
  
  You may HAVE to talk to her about it though if she asks you what's wrong. Maybe you'll get over it, and maybe you won't. Only time will tell.

   

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• Maggie0829 member

  

  January 2013

  As you are learning the hard way, as people get older and into relationships/married it is gets a bit harder to stay connected and close they way you once were when you weren't in those relationships.
  
  I understand how you are feeling but you really need to let it go.  You should provide any help or volunteer for things for her wedding that you would have had she not been the way she was.  And just FYI, pre-wedding parties are not mandatory of the bridal party.  You should be happy with what she did do and did show up to rather than concentrating on the bad things.
  
  As for her other MOH, if she is not including you then you need to speak up.  Do not involve the bride but I would be semi-forceful (but in a nice way) and tell the other MOH that you want to be involved from now on.
  
  Remember, life is not tit for tat.  Your cousin, during the time of your wedding, may have been slightly depressed because of her long distance relationship.  She may have had more going on in her life then you knew or realized.  This may have had a profound effect on her excitement level, but the fact that she actually was there and made some effort should be taken into account.
  
  I really think you need to let the resentment go because if you don't you will never be able to move on from this.

  
  

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• epaige21 member

  

  January 2013

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_matron-of-honori-do?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:5fcbe54b-e4a0-4e04-b480-aa2893b6787dPost:7d66987b-191e-448d-b2a4-7762852059a6">Re: Matron of Honor..I do?</a>:
  [QUOTE]Just don't get too involved and if you're feeling kindabitchy one day that she asks you to do wedding-y stuff, just decline. It's not your job to be her wedding planner. Just for the record, did you invite her bf/now-FI to the wedding with her? You may HAVE to talk to her about it though if she asks you what's wrong. Maybe you'll get over it, and maybe you won't. Only time will tell.
  Posted by sydaries[/QUOTE]
  Thanks for the reply! And yes, he was invited and I made it clear to her that he was welcome to come to the wedding. He did attend. I feel like my best bet is to just get over it and move on :)

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• OliveOilsMom member

  

  January 2013

  We tell brides that no one will be more excited for your own wedding than you.  You were very excited for your wedding.  You cousin was very excited about her new relationship and probably missed seeing him more frequently.  Some people can adjust to LDR better than others.  Now your cousin is engaged, and while you are excited for her, she is even more excited for herself.
  
  If you want a better relationship with your cousin, try inviting her out to dinner dates with your H and her FI.  If you think you have just grown apart, then I would fulfill your MOH "duties" and then slowly pull away from your cousin.  If you back out, with out a good reason, your whole family will know and it could look bad on you (And how she acted while in your BP is not a good excuse).  Take a back seat and let the other MOH take the reigns for any parties you decide to throw your cousin. 
  
  As best as you can, just move forward from your experience with your cousin during your wedding planning.

  

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• LizM61409 member

  

  January 2013

  2 points:

  
  

  1. My FI and I live 2 hours apart and have our entire relationship. 1-2 hours is NOT long distance, it's moderate distance. I work a bazillion hours a week and we still manage to see each other most weekends, even most of the weekends I work.

  
  

  2. I was a bridesmaid for one of my best friends 2 years ago, before I was engaged. I didn't know what I was "supposed" to do (in quotes b/c all the bridal party really needs to do is show up in the dress the day of) and probably didn't contribute to everything as much as some brides would think I should have. I didn't know any better seeing as I was not paroozing theknot at the time. Give your cousin a break. Reach out to her to hang out especially now that she's busy with planning.

  

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• Darbie914 member

  

  January 2013 edited January 2013

  {Hi there! I am a newlywed who was married in Sept. My cousin who I have been close to and considered one of my best friends my whole life served as a bridesmaid (my sister was my MOH) and I think she was happy to be apart of it. But, right around the same time I started planning my wedding, she started dating someone new who lived out of State (but only an hr drive away) and she could only visit one night a week and on the weekend  (that's another story!). 
  She was very disconnected from my wedding plans and honestly my feelings were hurt on more than one occasion. She only stopped by one of my three showers to leave the gift (because she had to go visit her bf) She is not obligated to attend all 3 showers, she attended my bachelorette party but arrived at the very last minute, was on her phone the whole night, and left before anyone else was even awake the next morning. She was also very distant the day of my wedding, on her phone, and was just not very attentive. This is a person I have grown up with my whole life, and like I said earlier once considered one of my best friends. Since the wedding we haven't been as close. She lives with her bf now (and of course I live with my husband) We only live about 2 miles from each other, but never see or do stuff together as a couples. Have you tried planning something with just the two of you? The only time we see each other is at family events. I told myself to just get over it. We're growing up and these things happen.
  She is now engaged (since Halloween) and is planning a March wedding. She asked me (and another girl) to be her Matron's of Honor. At first I felt excited and happy. She was calling me again a lot, asking questions, telling me her plans and  I felt very honestly happy for her and excited for my plans as a MOH. After a couple weeks though this all started to change. Her other MOH is very outspoken ( I have learned) and they have made several plans and meetings about the wedding that I feel I should have been invited to as well. But, when she calls (and sometimes several times a day) it is only about wedding stuff. When you were planning your wedding, did you do the same to her?  If you had been making all of your communication based on wedding related things, she may have grown distant because she just wasn't as interested in it as you were.  Bottom line I feel as though she expects me to be totally wrapped up in her wedding and although I was happy to be apart of it at first, I am now feeling a lot of resentment towards her for the way she acted towards my wedding and everything leading up to it. I am finding a really hard time making myself be involved and excited. I can understand the frustration but your wedding was very exciting for YOU.  And I'm sure you expressed your excitement in ways that maybe she didn't share similar feelings.  But I agree with above PPs.  You don't want to do something out of spite just because of what happened at your wedding.  I don't want to talk to her about it before the wedding because I don't want things to be weird. I plan on just showing up when and doing what she asks of me until this wedding is over...I would just like to not be pissed or hate it while doing it! lol. Any suggestions?}

  
  

  If you were both very close, I would think that this is something that could be worked out as opposed to just getting through the wedding and distancing yourself.  Sometimes relationships go through ups and downs.  Perhaps when she met her BF, she had difficulty managing the distance and became depressed about it.  But if you never asked her about it, you would never know.  It's also possible that she felt you were so wrapped up in your wedding, that you didn't bother to find out what was going on in her life.

  
  

  This doesn't sound like it's worth ending the relationship.  Get together over some coffee or drinks and have a good talk with her.  Give yourselves a chance to reconnect without your significant others and without wedding related stuff.  

  
  

  "Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end."

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• lpowers1118

  

  January 2013

  Is the term TROLL or MUD popping into anyone else's head or am I really the only one that sees it?

  

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