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Not Engaged Yet
jorja86
member
Friends of the Opposite Sex
The post on TN about August 2006 got my thinking about this. My closest friends are definitely girls, but I have a couple of really good friends who are guys. One in particular, who I was really close to in college, and actually was one of those people who I opened up to about things that pretty much no one else knew. People often thought we were an item in college, but we never like that at all.
After we graduated, we stayed pretty close, and since he now lives between my hometown and where I live, I would stop by and grab lunch or dinner with him occasionally on my way from place to place.
Well, BF makes a joke about it, but I can tell that he is a little weirded out by my friendship with this guy. He would never discouage me from talking to him or anything, but I can tell he's just not the biggest fan. I think most of it is because he doesn't know him well (they've met a couple of times, but not one on one, or really sober, for that matter), and he knows that this guy knows a lot about me, and was there for tough parts of my life that BF wasn't (because I didn't know him yet).
It's not really a problem or anything, I just think it's an interesting dynamic.
Do you guys have good friends that are guys? How does your BF feel about it?
After we graduated, we stayed pretty close, and since he now lives between my hometown and where I live, I would stop by and grab lunch or dinner with him occasionally on my way from place to place.
Well, BF makes a joke about it, but I can tell that he is a little weirded out by my friendship with this guy. He would never discouage me from talking to him or anything, but I can tell he's just not the biggest fan. I think most of it is because he doesn't know him well (they've met a couple of times, but not one on one, or really sober, for that matter), and he knows that this guy knows a lot about me, and was there for tough parts of my life that BF wasn't (because I didn't know him yet).
It's not really a problem or anything, I just think it's an interesting dynamic.
Do you guys have good friends that are guys? How does your BF feel about it?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Friends of the Opposite Sex
I'm not sure how I'd feel about Andrew doing "date like" things with other girls.
[QUOTE]I was raised to believe the opposite sex friendships were inappropriate- so I'm jaded. I'm not sure how I'd feel about Andrew doing "date like" things with other girls.
Posted by lunarsongbird[/QUOTE]
I'm not ok with BF doing "date like" things with other girls. I don't do "date like" things with my guy friends so I feel it's reasonable to expect the same of him.
BF does have one girl friend that I have issues with but most of it has to do with her as a person not her being a girl.
Tyler's best friends are chicks. Not wildly fond of his absolute best friend, but that's because our personalities don't jive. If he wants to spend a bunch of time with her, cool. She's not his girlfriend and he straight up refers to her as his sister, so there's no concern.
Now one of my coworkers who is in a very odd, seemingly abusive relationshop with her husband, he won't let her be around any other men with the exception of her father and brothers. That's just sick. I think that if people can't trust their SOs with members of the opposite sex, the couple needs to sit down and talk about some things, because there is a huge difference between being friends and being SOs.
[QUOTE]I have one good guy friend from college, who Mo knows and likes. He and I don't get together independently now in anything that could be construed as a date-like activity. We've gone to a Red Sox game together, and have occasionally met for lunch during the work week in the city. But normally we get together with our significant others now. Mo only has one good female friend and she is married to a woman, so I'm unconcerned. I'd have problems if either of us did date-like things with the opposite sex, or <strong>if it was clear that a girl had feelings for Mo and he didnt seem to get it.</strong> I cut out all male friends who I knew were attracted to me once I was serious with Mo.
Posted by LivLeighton[/QUOTE]
This is the problem I have with one of BF's girl friends. I know he doesn't have feelings for her but I feel like she is constantly trying to elbow me out or show me how she is closer to BF than I am. It is really frustrating.
I think these friendships are important, and BF definitely respects that. He would never expect me to end this friendship or anything, I think it just seems a little odd to him.
I also have other guy friends that BF really likes, and doesn't really seem weirded out at all by. I think it really is the degree of closeness me and this one guy had back in college that's the difference.
We have pretty hard lines in the sand regarding our friendship. If any spouse were to have an issue with it we would have to adjust so that spouse was comfortable. A spouse always come first and we would do whatever was needed to do to make the friendship something the spouse was ok with.
All 3 of our spouses strongly encourage and support our friendship. The guys never confide marital issues with me and I never confide that in them either. If I have an issue with DH, he is the one I will talk to.
There is no way I could ever gain another male BFF like that. As a married woman I would never get that emotionally intimate with another man. It would be disrespectful to my DH and I just don't think it would be appropriate. I have no issue having male friends or DH having female friends as long as it isn't anything emotionally intimate.
He had feelings for me for quite a while, and I had some feelings for him as well, but we were never single at the same time so that we could explore our feelings. When we finally were, it didn't get far, and I realized that I just did not really feel THAT way about him. I think he still thought it could work between us, because he seemed upset that I just wanted to stay friends.
Now, I really could use my friend. When BF and I went through our big upheaval earllier this year, I wanted my friend's shoulder to cry on and ear to listen more than I could say. He just always had good advice for me, and always made me feel better. I told him I wanted to hang out, and he said he would make time, but it just never happened. I haven't seen him in a couple of years, and I miss him a lot.
Jon would be fine with me hanging out with this kid, I think, but I would want them to get to know each other as well, for many reasons. One being that I would want Jon to feel completely comfortable - another because I think they could be good friends as well. I have no idea if my buddy's current GF would like me, as I have never met her. He tends to keep more of a distance from me when he has a GF and I have a BF, so I have no idea when I will see him next. I miss him though. It certainly is an interesting dynamic.
I used to have lots of guy friends but I kind of lost most of them about a year before I started dating FI. I had one close guy friend who when I started dating FI had feelings for me. He removed himself from the picture though, I still miss him sometimes but I am glad he went rather than cause problems. Fi doesn't have many close girl friends and I am kind of grateful for that. He does have some old church girl friends that he sees sometimes and I don't mind. They are all very sweet and have no interest in him so I am not worried.
Married! May 27th, 2012
As for BF having friends of the opposite sex, I really don't mind it, but I'd prefer to know/meet them. Otherwise I feel a bit uncomfortable about it. I expect to give him the same courtesy though.