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Uncommitted maids?

editas20editas20
First Comment
in Pre-wedding Parties
So our wedding was originally planned for July. For health reasons, we had to do a small family wedding in April (next week!). My girls knew about this wedding over 4 weeks ago.

I just mentioned to them about having a small bachelorette party/get together the night before last weekend. Today, I found out my bridesmaids had made other plans for that night with other friends and won't be able to make it. The only one coming is my maid of honor...

Am I being unreasonable by being upset? Anyone else having a similar issue? What do I do now?
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Re: Uncommitted maids?

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    saric83saric83 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    I think it's definitely a bummer, but it is a little unreasonable to request this night a week out and expect that everyone drop everything to attend.  They knew about the wedding four weeks out, but you mentioned you just brought this idea up, so I don't think you should be mad at them.  Still go ahead with the plans to have a great night with your MOH, and then if you still want to whoop it up or something, suggest a girls' night out post-wedding as a thank you to them.  Obviously, this wouldn't be the same as a bachelorette party, but you can still have a fun night out with your closest friends.  Good luck with the wedding!  Early congrats! : )
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    editas20editas20
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    That makes sense, but I guess I feel a little bit taken advantage of. My mother in law covered the cost of the bridal shower and pretty much planned the whole thing since we knew their money situations were not all that great. I was left addressing all the envelopes and sending those out. All they were expected to do was show up and help me open presents. I have not asked anything else of them whatsoever. I have not gotten a single phone call from anyone other than my MOH regarding this wedding and whether I needed help...

    I don't want to be a brideszilla, but at the same time, there is a certain level of committment when saying yes to being a bridesmaids. Also, if I was in their position, I would have done things very differently and been there all the way...
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    hlq2011hlq2011
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_uncommitted-maids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:1b3d3e96-3eca-475b-aa97-35584e81b007Post:7daa4431-0fbb-4b38-ae7e-c7668970d924">Re: Uncommitted maids?</a>:
    [QUOTE]That makes sense, but I guess I feel a little bit taken advantage of. My mother in law covered the cost of the bridal shower and pretty much planned the whole thing since we knew their money situations were not all that great. I was left addressing all the envelopes and sending those out. All they were expected to do was show up and help me open presents. I have not asked anything else of them whatsoever. I have not gotten a single phone call from anyone other than my MOH regarding this wedding and whether I needed help... I don't want to be a brideszilla, but at the same time, <strong>there is a certain level of committment when saying yes to being a bridesmaids.</strong> Also, if I was in their position, I would have done things very differently and been there all the way...
    Posted by editas20[/QUOTE]

    The level of commitment involved in agreeing to be a bridesmaid is this: buy a dress, show up at the appropriate location on the wedding day.  That's it.  What you would do doesn't enter into the equation.

    Yes, you have a right to be disappointed that they aren't coming, or to wish they'd help more.  But you don't say that to them, and you don't act any differently toward them.
    image
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    trix1223trix1223 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I really hate using the shortened version "maids" when talking about one's WP.

    I know that had nothing to do with the question at hand, but I had to say it.

    OP:  The "commitment" your friends make is for the day of the wedding.  If they're at the ceremony in the requested attire, they walk down the aisle, they stand respectfully during the ceremony, and they smile for the photos, then they've fulfilled their commitment to you.

    I think in their situation that they've also had a very short timeframe sprung on them.  Let this go.  You shouldn't have asked for a b-party in the first place.

    And if you have a b-party,  at the end of your ceremony you'll be married.  And if you don't have a b-party, at the end of your ceremony, you'll be married.  And isn't what this is all about?

    Good luck to ya.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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