Getting married at 18!

dylansbaby0902 · August 2010

I am currently 16 almost 17 and am getting married when I turn 18! Im super excited, and have started planning already!!! My fiance says we will pay for most if not all of the wedding... my mom wants me to have a budget wedding... i dont want to settle for something i dont absolutly love, and my mom wants to switch everything up! shes not happy where i want our wedding or my colors! I dont even think shes happy about who i chose for my MOH! Ugh!! HELP!!

twilight.rose · August 2010

Oh dear...perhaps, before you get married, you should learn to spell correctly (it's "absolutely," and use apostrophes in your contractions.)

Also, maybe you should talk to your mother, maturely, about her concerns. Furthermore, there is absolutely no need to have chosen your MOH at this stage of the game...the WP should be asked a year ahead of the wedding at the earliest.

I think you need to cool down, enjoy being a teenager, graduate from HS, and see where life takes you before you get too caught up in planning a wedding that won't happen, at the earliest, for almost two years.

You and your SO will change so much in the next couple of years, and college would change you even more. Don't rush into something because it feels right now...experience life for a little while. If he is "The One," he'll still be there in a few years, and you'll still want to spend forever together. Get married then.

By the way, I'm not speaking completely from inexperience. I met my husband when I was 13, and we just got married a month and a half ago, almost ten years later. We lived life, went to college, grew up, and now I know that he really is who I belong with.

brilibby4 · August 2010

Oh please be MUD?

opalsky007 · August 2010

Where to begin...

I think you have a lot of questions to ask yourself here. Why the rush to get married? I don't want to belittle the feelings you have for your fiance, but keep in mind that a lot is going to be changing in your lives over the coming years. You'll be leaving high school, leaving home, becoming responsible for your own finances. Can the two of you withstand that? Many marriages don't. I think before determining whether you'll be able to live together, the two of you need to know whether you can be successful living independently--and I say that to everyone, regardless of age.

In addition, on the subject of paying for the wedding: your fiance says you're paying most of the cost, your mom wants you to stay on a strict budget, and you don't want to compromise on your vision. If you and your fiance take a few years and save up plenty of money, you won't need to compromise on your dream, and you won't be under your mother's thumb either.

If you choose not to wait a few years to get married, then you need to figure out what your budget is, and where it will be coming from, now. You can't plan without knowing what you can afford. Keep in mind that if you do accept money from your mother, she'll expect to have some say in the planning. Picking your MOH is unreasonable, but expect her to hold sway over things like guest list, venue, and even the little details. Just some things to think about.

bethsmiles · August 2010

Who is paying? If she is paying her opinion counts for a lot more than if she isn't paying. I know you probably hear this a lot but I think you should hold off on getting married. You are so young, why the rush? I'm young too (20) but my BF and I are waiting a long time to get married (we will have been dating 6 years by the time we get married when we are done with school) I get impatient sometimes but I know that it will be worth it to wait and give our marriage the best start that we can.

But anyways back to your question: We all have had fantasies about what our weddings will be like but in reality most of us can't afford to have everything we ever would have wanted. You may have to compromise on some things but that's life

Amivy06 · August 2010

Please take into consideration everything the other ladies have said. Eighteen is a really young age to get married.

mysticl · August 2010

Is it possible that your mother's concerns aren't actually about budget, colors, venue or MOH but instead that you are 16 and planning a wedding? Part of her has to be scared to death that you are making the biggest mistake of your life. Wait, please wait. You haven't yet become the person you are going to be for the rest of your life. The person you become may not even like this boy.

As for the MOH: When I was 16 I had a bff and she was going to be my bff forever. Of course we would keep in touch and be in each other's weddings down the road. By the time I was 18 we weren't even speaking. Graduation night we ended up at the same party but didn't speak. I didn't see her again until this Christmas over 16 years later. We just started to repair our relationship in the last year or so.

aerinpegadrak · August 2010

I had two very close friends in junior high and high school. We naturally assumed that we'd all be in each other's weddings. Well, six years later I got married, and neither of them were invited. I moved, they moved, we're all at very different places in our lives.

I wouldn't want to spend a dime on a wedding for my 16-year-old daughter, either. I think your mom is overindulgent for even entertaining talk of wedding planning. It's an adult decision, and you're not an adult. If he truly is The One, it doesn't matter if you do the paperwork when you're 18, 28, or 48, he'll still be there. But at your age, smart money says that the two of you won't make it as far as 18. Sorry, but statistics aren't in your favor. And if you don't get some solid experience living on your own, working, and paying your own bills before you get married, you're all but doomed. Loving each other whole bunches isn't enough.

If I were you, I'd put the wedding out of your head and just worry about being a kid while you still can.

aerinpegadrak · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_getting-married-18?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:15Discussion:c6f61024-273c-4a26-96e6-53d1b52e580dPost:847921dd-589b-4f9c-9b15-2c739812d44c">Getting married at 18!</a>:
[QUOTE]I am currently 16 almost 17 and am getting married when I turn 18! Im super excited, and have started planning already!!! My fiance says we will pay for most if not all of the wedding... my mom wants me to have a budget wedding... i dont want to settle for something i dont absolutly love, and my mom wants to switch everything up! shes not happy where i want our wedding or my colors! I dont even think shes happy about who i chose for my MOH! Ugh!! HELP!!
Posted by dylansbaby0902[/QUOTE]

[Deleted User] · August 2010

Ditto aerin & twilight & opal. I don't think they could have said it any better or different than what I was going to write. Please listen to their advice.

nicholestranz · August 2010

I completely agree with everyone above. A relationship is hard enough at 16 or 18. At 16 a promise ring is more appropriate then an engagement ring.

hz80408 · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_getting-married-18?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:15Discussion:c6f61024-273c-4a26-96e6-53d1b52e580dPost:250236f0-b189-4e57-874c-cd0e76b68d1c">Re: Getting married at 18!</a>:
[QUOTE] By the way, I'm not speaking completely from inexperience. I met my husband when I was 13, and we just got married a month and a half ago, almost ten years later. We lived life, went to college, grew up, and now I know that he really is who I belong with.
Posted by twilight.rose[/QUOTE]

Ditto. FI and I started dating in 8th grade, went to HS together, graduated HS and kept dating but went to different colleges. After graduation we moved to Chicago together and now currently live together. Our wedding day is our 11 yr dating anniversary and we're only 24.

If it's meant to be, it will happen. Everything comes in time.

Not only that, but at 17/18, I would think it'd be really hard to find a well-paying job without a college degree (nowadays it's hard enough even if you do have a college degree), that would allow for you to have enough income for living expenses, in addition to having enough savings for a wedding.

SuMmErKuTiE · August 2010

I thought I was going to marry my boyfriend when I was 16 too! We talked about a wedding for when I was 19 and he was 21.. man alive am I glad that never happened. But what did happen.. was I grew up.. I went to college.. I changed A LOT and we never even made it past the first semester of college. I can't even imagine the experiences I would have missed out on if I had been so foolish to marry so young. The friends I never would have met, the opportunities that never would have come my way. Nevermind the fact that I probably would have been divorced before I couldn't even legally order an alcoholic drink!

Please take the advice of those of us who have been there and have had so many things happen inbetween high school, college and beyond that. At 18 your brain and your body aren't even fully developed yet. If he is truely the one you're supposed to be with, he still will be when you're in your 20's and have experienced more of your life.

bananapudding91 · August 2010

I'm not much older than you, but even I can agree with the PP above. Enjoy HS while you can, don't worry about planning a wedding. I've been with the same person since I was 15, and I've been wearing a promise ring since I was 16. We've talked about marriage for quite some time, but talking and doing are two different things. You change SO MUCH between 16 and 18. Who knows if the 18-year-old version of you will even enjoy the company of him?
I'm definitely not saying it can't happen; I'm 18 almost 19 and planning a wedding myself. And we're paying for it ourselves. But we're also waiting until we can pay for it ourselves. I've been working since I was your age, and with a paycheck like that it's impossible to live on your own, let alone pay for a wedding.
Enjoy each other as long as you can. Enjoy being in high school. Don't clog up your mind with wedding bells yet. You've still got to graduate.

Good luck! I hope it works out for you.

desert*bride · August 2010

I think enough people have told you not to get married... and everyone telling you not to, probably just makes you more determined to do it. which is natural. but make sure you really think about what is best for you - not just what you immediately want.

if you are set on having a wedding, first and foremost, you need to make a budget. do you have a job? does your boyfriend have a job? where is the money coming from? how much money will you have? weddings are freakin expensive, especially if you want to fulfill those dreams that you say you have. you need to be realistic - most likely you and your BF don't have much money for a wedding. so perhaps for this reason alone, you should wait until you have saved some money. or you can have a simpler courthouse wedding with just a cake reception or something like that. We are having only 30 guests at our wedding and are not doing anything extravagant, and it will cost us about $6,000. so start doing some research on what it will cost to get what you want and whether you can afford it.

Lay off your mom for a minute though. think about how much you are freakin her out. my mom didn't even like me dating when I was 16, let alone if I was planning a wedding. since you are still quite a ways from your wedding, maybe only talk about it with your boy right now and give the parents a break.

young relationships can work, though usually they don't. I met my FI when I was 12. we kind of always knew that we would be together... but neither of us were anywhere near ready for such a committed relationship. it sucked at the time because I really really wanted to be with him. but I am soooo glad that we didn't date when we were younger. we went our separate ways, dated other people, and grew up. this isn't to say that you can't succeed in your relationship at your age - it will just be harder because you will both have to go through all these changes together and figure out who are individually at the same time as you are trying to establish a marriage and a new household [with new jobs and bills to pay - it's way harder than you think].

I hope it works out for you.

amazonx42 · August 2010

Why do you want to get married?

(Because I love him is not enough! Speaking from experience! Love is not enough. If it were, more people would stay married.)

nationalvixen · August 2010

She asked what to do about her Mothers opinions, but did I miss the part where she asked an opinion about her age?
No disrespect to anyone but coming from someone drowning in "You're too young!" comments myself, it is not only hurtful and unappreciated advice, but only makes me more determined to do it! Mind you, I am 21 not 16, and my fiance is 26 - but I'm sure the feeling is the same!

That said, in my church many people marry early and I know of 4 couples close to me that married when the woman was 18 years old. It has been 3 months - 10 years for each couple and they are all still together and are happy. That doesnt mean they have not struggled a great deal, but they are making it work.

It is YOUR wedding, and if you are paying for it then that shouldnt matter, but you should keep your ears open to your Moms suggestions - she might have some great ideas!

amazonx42 · August 2010

Okay then - here is my other advice.

Here is what to do about your mother:

Listen to your mother. She is not going to pay? You don't need an expensive wedding. If you were going to pay for it - Save it for a downpayment on a house. (I'm 30 and having a budget wedding in the most expensive area in the country. My Fiance and I want a HOUSE! Don't let the wedding industry think you need things that you don't.

GET THIS BOOK - its awesome: Bridal bargains

Sorry.

aerinpegadrak · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_getting-married-18?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:15Discussion:c6f61024-273c-4a26-96e6-53d1b52e580dPost:8fab9a39-4b64-43b0-8c7d-8dde24c8a964">Re: Getting married at 18!</a>:
[QUOTE]She asked what to do about her Mothers opinions, but did I miss the part where she asked an opinion about her age? No disrespect to anyone but coming from someone drowning in "You're too young!" comments myself, it is not only hurtful and unappreciated advice, but only makes me more determined to do it! Mind you, I am 21 not 16, and my fiance is 26 - but I'm sure the feeling is the same! That said, in my church many people marry early and I know of 4 couples close to me that married when the woman was 18 years old. It has been 3 months - 10 years for each couple and they are all still together and are happy. That doesnt mean they have not struggled a great deal, but they are making it work. It is YOUR wedding, and if you are paying for it then that shouldnt matter, but you should keep your ears open to your Moms suggestions - she might have some great ideas!
Posted by nationalvixen[/QUOTE]
I'm sorry, but if she's talking about getting married at 16, she's going to have to learn to put up with the judgement. Because it's a bad life choice.

nationalvixen · August 2010

Maybe for your life lol. What works for one definitely doesnt work for the other but it is not unheard of. A lot of couples in my family got married before 21 and are all still together and are still happy.

My god parents met at 16 and married at 18 and say their only regret is not marrying sooner!

AllAboutTheBenjamin · August 2010

My fiance and I met when we were 12 and we fell in love before we were 18. But we also spent about seven years apart before getting back together and getting engaged... so... there is that.

trix1223 · August 2010

I have to ask first: how old is Dylan? And if you want to be taken seriously, I'd take the word baby out of a SN for a 16 year old who wants to get married

But since your question is about what to do about your mom, I'll answer as a mom of three adult children. Listen to your mom. You're 16 years old. As a mom, I would have been broken hearted if any of my children had come to me and said they were engaged.

As a mom, I would be telling you to get a part time job to save up for your prom costs, not the wedding cost. Because as a mom, I wouldn't be paying for a wedding for someone whose age still ends in the suffix "teen".

As a mom, I'd be telling you to worry about your Precalc homework, and not planning a wedding while you're still in HS.

As a mom, I'd be telling you to think about what colleges you're going to visit to narrow down your further education, rather than thinking about when venue halls you're going to visit.

As a mom, I'd be telling you that tastes change over a two year period and you're likely to want entirely different colors and styles for a wedding that will someday happen.

As a mom, I'd be telling you not to even choose a MOH 2 years before you're getting "married".

As a mom, I'd be telling you to get some life experience, and a way to support yourself in case something, heaven forbid, happens to your husband or your marriage.

As a mom, I'd tell you to date your boyfriend. I'd tell you to have a post HS life plan that involves more than getting married.

As a mom, I'd tell you that I had bigger dreams for you than you apparently have for yourself.

CTGirl30 · August 2010

You're practically still a fetus. What's the rush? Slow down, enjoy being a teenager and if you're still together in your 20's perhaps then think about marriage. Which is a serious and sacred (for some) commitment. One I do not think should be taken lightly or considered by people not old enough to vote.

Assuming this post isn't MUD, that is.

gottahavashorti · August 2010

In order to get the wedding you want, you'll have to delay the wedding until you can afford the wedidng of your dreams. You're only 16, so by the time you get married it may or may not be to Dylan. Unless, of course, Dylan is your father since you are self admittedly his infant child.

PeonyPrincesskdd · August 2010

How about your wait a few more years until your old enough to afford to pay for your own wedding so you can have your own likes and ideas

AdeleDazeem · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_getting-married-18?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:15Discussion:c6f61024-273c-4a26-96e6-53d1b52e580dPost:7e0d6239-3b62-472e-bcb9-976fe79e9899">Re: Getting married at 18!</a>:
[QUOTE]You're practically still a fetus.
Posted by CTGirl30[/QUOTE]

Bahahahahaha...

At 16, I was trying to get the guy of my dreamy-dreams to kiss me. Marriage was... what old people did. Please go live your own life before tying your future to someone else's.

Getting married at 18!

Re: Getting married at 18!

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