Honeymoon Registry Advice

etroed7 · January 2010

My fiance and I are thinking about doing a honeymoon registry instead of home goods registry. We'd much rather take an incredible vacation, then have new dishes, etc. The two companies I've checked out so far are TheBigDay.com and honeymoonwishes.com. So far I'm leaning towards honeymoonwishes.com because they seem somewhat more flexible, but I'm not sure if that's what I want. I love the idea of it, but I'm not sure how practical it is. I'm a little confused about how it's all set up. Do we have to know every museum, show, restaurant, hotel, etc we'd like? Is it all taken care of through an agent? I'm basically unsure of the extent we are allowed to create our trip and how much an agent does. Right now, we're thinking about going to Barcelona! We're definitely on a budget, so this seems like a good option to having the honeymoon we want without going in debt...

Has anyone done this kind of registry before? What was the process like for you and your guests? Is it as great as it sounds?

Any feedback and details you have would be so helpful!

AmoroAgain · January 2010

*sigh* We'll have to keep going over and over this i guess.

Honeymoon registries aren't only tacky- they're gross. Frankly, as a guest at a wedding, I don't want to knowingly give you money so you have a place to screw. I would much prefer to give you a beautiful dish or pair of candlesticks that you'll have forever, not a vacation that you could have at any time.

Not only that, but a lot of these places charge your or your guests for adding money in or taking money out.

In short, it's gross, it's wrong and just plain tasteless to do this.

glam70s · January 2010

I haven't had one (wedding's still over a year away), but I love the idea.. I hear honeyfund.com is one of the best, in that there are fewer fees and such - many of these sites charge the guest a fee for contributing to the fund. I think most also give you the option to absorb that fee yourself, however.

Just a friendly FYI, a LOT of the people here feel strongly that wedding registries are "tacky". You may try posting about this at weddingbee.com. I enjoy these boards, but there's no doubt the weddingbee boards are far more relaxed.. Most of the girls over there have banned the word 'tacky' from their vocabularies.

duckie1905 · January 2010

Take a trip you can afford and don't expect other people to pay your way.

So, I guess your solution is: don't have a HM registry.

demarcosjd · January 2010

We are considering doing a HM registry as well but only for extra activities not to pay for the trip. What we have found is a lot of sites charge a fee and we are still on the fence with it.

I don't think they are tacky a lot of people do them now. I think it depends on the attitude of your guests if it will go over well or not. On the other hand you need to be prepared to pay the difference of the trip if your guests do not contribute as much you hoped for. I would also set up a small traditional registry. You might get those guests who don't like putting their information online and still want to physically purchase something for you.

jbll326 · January 2010

We're looking into using honeyfund.com - I've heard good things and I don't think there are fees except for PayPal fees. That said, I don't know for sure, since I haven't done too much research yet. I know Marriott hotel chain also offers gift certificates (general or for specific items like dinner, massages, etc), so it might be worth asking your hotel if they offer the same type of service, and that way you know it's reputable. I would also do a home registry, as many people like to give a tangible gift and it gives them variety to choose from.

And now I digress....
Thank you blonde! I'm so sick of people on here attacking posters for asking about HM registries. etroed was just asking for opinions on which sites to use, not what you think about HM registries in general. I don't see any difference between asking for the kitchen items you want and the activities you'd like to do on your honeymoon. Either way, you're telling your guests specifically what to buy you. To me, the whole concept of registries is tacky to begin with - and if you look at their history, it was thought to be for years when they first started. And just because you have a HM Registry doesn't mean you can't afford it - it means you'd like to do some extra activities if possible and if somebody wants to give you a memorable gift, that would be something they could do.

And if you register for sheets and bedding, isn't that like buying the couple something to screw on?! A honeymoon is supposed to be a wonderful trip that the couple shares and will remember for the rest of their lives. So to me, a special experience (a beachside dinner, parasailing, horse riding) is much more valuable than a stupid toaster I could buy any time I want to. Memories last much longer than anything you can buy a couple off their home registry. If a guest doesn't like it, then they won't use it and will buy you something off your home registry, and that's the end of that.

fallbride1109 · January 2010

Here is an article that compares the various registries posted by a PP a week or so ago that may help you decide between the different ones out there.

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB121020123458375115.html?mod=pj_main_hs_coll

Honeyfund only allows you to pay by Paypal I believe--you might keep that in mind when thinking of older guests/relatives who may not have Paypal.

shauni27 · January 2010

I have done a lot of research into honeyfund and here is what i found--guests can pay by cash, check or paypal. What they do is select an item off of your registry (for example couples massage) for $100. Instead of paying the site directly (if they were paying by cash or check) then they would go through the processing steps and then it prints out a "reciept" that says "Here is your couple's massage! Enjoy it! Love, Uncle Joe" and then they mail it to you with the $100 check. The best suggestion I can give you for honeyfund (which only charges the fees to people paying with paypal) is to go to honeyfund.com and then look at a real person's registry. Trype in common names until you find someones and then look at it. I knew someone who had one and she let me look at hers and go through all of the steps as if I were buying her something so I could see exactly how it works.

Read the article above as well, it really makes it clear that people are basically giving you money under the "honeymoon front" that you can then use for whatever you want. Good luck!

Linqdz · January 2010

*sigh* It is so ridiculous and immature to say that a HM registry is so ppl can pay for you to "screw" or for your "sexfest." I am pretty sure that most married couples have sex after the HM too...in their house...on the sheets that ppl bought off their BBB registry! (GASP!) That argument is stupid.

On another note, some ppl find them tacky. Some ppl don't. You know your guests best. Travelers Joy seems to be the best. Your guests don't have to contribute. I would definitely avoid the registries that make your guests pay a fee. Other ppl in my family/circle of friends have done HM registries and it has been well received. I, myself, have enjoyed contributing to ppl's HM's.

kikipania · January 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_honeymoon_honeymoon-registry-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:11Discussion:48465a84-38a8-4e6b-837f-b82950720c84Post:2c09ebb3-0dc2-442a-b63d-245eb83a5548">Re: Honeymoon Registry Advice</a>:
[QUOTE]*sigh* We'll have to keep going over and over this i guess. Honeymoon registries aren't only tacky- they're gross. Frankly, as a guest at a wedding, I don't want to knowingly give you money so you have a place to screw. I would much prefer to give you a beautiful dish or pair of candlesticks that you'll have forever, not a vacation that you could have at any time. Not only that, but a lot of these places charge your or your guests for adding money in or taking money out. In short, it's gross, it's wrong and just plain tasteless to do this.
Posted by AmoroAgain[/QUOTE]

I think it's more tacky and gross and tasteless to be so snarky for absolutely no reason. This entire paragraph here is YOUR OPINION about HM registries in GENERAL. She did not ask for it. No one cares to read it. If you know your blood pressure is going to increase when you see the word "Honeymoon" and "Registry" together, why not just do everyone a favor and skip right over it.

As for my advice for the OP, I would set up a traditional registry and a HM registry. If you choose to go the HM registry route, then I would include only "extras" (like a sunset cruise, or horseback riding, or an excursion to see waterfalls, etc). I'm not quite sure how people will look at those things as a "screwfest"... (though I do highly recommend that you do screw whilst on your HM, I think if more people had screwfests perhaps this world would be a happier, more chill place :)

The traditional registry can be used by guests who don't like the idea (or don't know how to work) the HM registry.

You can't please everyone... some people think it's tacky to have a registry AT ALL... others wouldn't know what to do without 'em! Do what you want... it's your wedding :) As far as a specific HM registry to go through... I have no idea. I would definitely check out the ones the previous girls mentioned though.

Good luck to you!

marieheimbrock · January 2010

I've researched the HM registries a little and I would not recommend the sites that charge either you or your guests a 3-7% charge on their gift (which a lot of them do). Honeyfund.com seemed to be the only site that didn't charge these fees and they were also flexible. In regards to your question about how they are set up/if you have to specifically choose excursions or gifts for your guests to purchase.. the answer is, not really. Essentially, yes, when you are filling out your registry with items, you will choose specific activities ie. couples massage, snorkeling, private dinner for your guests to purchase as their gift to you. But in reality, you will flat out receive the cash/check for you to spend however you choose on you HM. I see it as a more creative way to receive cash. The problem is that some family members might want to see pictures of you doing what they paid for you to do

I agree with others when they say to do both the HM registry and the gift registry for those who are traditional or aren't computer savvy.

Hope this helps!

Kristin789 · January 2010

First, stop thinking about Barcelona. I stayed there for 10 days, and there's really nothing there, and there's nothing close by for even a day trip.

Now, the OP said she was THINKING about doing a honeymoon registry - NOT that she WAS going to do one or that she'd already established one.

I'll add to the chorus of people who advise the OP to STOP thinking about a honeymoon registry.

Wedding guests expect to give wonderful, long-lasting gifts that mirror their hope for your marriage to be wonderful and long-lasting. Like china, bedding, and other nest-building stuff. When you see these gifts in your home, you will be reminded of the giver, and you will be reminded that you have a whole connected web of marriage mentors to whom you can turn for advice, counsel, new ideas or help when things go from better to worse.

A short-term donation to your honeymoon does not match what wedding gifts are supposed to represent.

fenwaykate · January 2010

At the risk of making myself another target for "tacky" here, we have one set up at TravelersJoy.com. There is a small fee subtracted from the gifts, but it's no more than tax. And we didn't register for the main honeymoon (accomodations, travel) but for special experiences that would make it more memorable. We've shared a household for some time but many of our family members still wanted a registry to refer to, so this was part of our compromise. We also put together a smaller traditional registry, but we weren't about to register for candlesticks or china that we'll never use because we have plenty already.

As usual here, I feel like it's a matter of knowing your guests and knowing the norms in your own circle, and communicating clearly.

I have had no trouble with Traveler's Joy so far; few gifts as of yet because our wedding is a long way away (we put the info on a small section of our wedding website for inquiring minds) but the set-up was easy, it looks great, and those who have checked it out had (unsolicited) positive feedback about the idea.

phillychica85 · January 2010

This has nothing to do with honeymoon registries but I just wanted to mention that I completely agree with someone's post about there being nothing in Barcelona. There is actually a ton to do there if you do some research and read up on the city. It's a city in Spain but because it's in the Catalan region, it's remarkably different from the rest of the country and this is felt in the language, the people, the food, the whole ambience. If you like big cities, you'll love Barcelona. It's very much like New York City except add a Mediterranean twist to it thrown in with the opportunity for awesome tapas and flamenco shows even. There's a lot of awesome art museums there including one that is all Picasso (I think it's better than the ones in Paris and Malaga). Stiges is also close by and I think a neat day trip since it's right on the coast too but has a much smaller feel to it. AVE (the high speed rail) now has service between Barcelona and Madrid so you could even have an easy trip to the capital if you wanted to say finish up there in a different Spanish city. All in all, Barcelona is great and I I think it would be a neat honeymoon spot. If you haven't seen the movie Vickey, Cristina, Barcelona (Woody Allen directed it), I recommend watching it as the shots of the city are gorgeous.

salentines · January 2010

This is what the Wall Street Journal has to say about honeymoon registries in their popular Cranky Consumer column.

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB121020123458375115.html?mod=pj_main_hs_coll#articleTabs%3Dcomments

Here is a snippet:

"A honeymoon is a perfectly appropriate gift to request," says Peter Post, president of the Emily Post Institute, a Burlington, Vt., etiquette think tank. "There's no objection to it from an etiquette point of view."

salentines · January 2010

This is what the Wall Street Journal has to say about honeymoon registries in their popular Cranky Consumer column.

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB121020123458375115.html?mod=pj_main_hs_coll#articleTabs%3Dcomments

Here is a snippet:

"A honeymoon is a perfectly appropriate gift to request," says Peter Post, president of the Emily Post Institute, a Burlington, Vt., etiquette think tank. "There's no objection to it from an etiquette point of view."

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