My FI and I live apart from both sets of parents. We're getting married in my hometown, which is about 1500 miles from his parents. When my FI's twin brother was married this last August, my FMIL was heavily involved with the planning. The August wedding was local to my FMIL, and so she went dress shopping with my FSIL, helped with the reception, etc. Because we're getting married in another location unfamiliar to my FMIL, she hasn't been involved at all in the planning process.
Initally when we got engaged, she said that she knew she wouldn't be involved with much planning due to distance, and that was totally ok. She even told me to recommend a place for a rehearsal dinner because she's never been to my hometown. However, after I purchased my dress this weekend (just my mom went with me) she made some comments to my FI comparing me (and him) to the brother's wedding, what my FSIL did (or let my FMIL do) and ending with suggesting that I (the bride to be) "don't like her" because I don't share every single detail.
We've only met a couple of times due to distance, and I don't have the type of relationship with her where we chat on the phone or exchange a lot of emails or texts. I've asked my FI what would be helpful: sending her an email update, showing her some reception centerpiece ideas, etc. But I feel bad asking for her opinions when I've already made a bunch of decisions and can't coordinate to include her on everything. She's told my FI over and over again that she likes me, so I'm very confused about what to do.
Help? How can I be supportive of my FI (FMIL loves to lay guilt trips on him about this stuff and other things too) while getting what I envision for a wedding? How can I help her to understand that I do like her (she's a lovely woman, just very different than my own mother, and it's hard when there's so much distance) and that I just show I care about people differently than she expects? Thank you!