What to do with MOH? (vent/long)

Re: What to do with MOH? (vent/long)

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  em01092 member

  

  May 2011

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-ventlong?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:daa760ab-3195-4b2d-a4e2-3def9a41a426Post:14d3a24b-6faf-4c21-b759-2cd6c5f0cae4">What to do with MOH? (vent/long)</a>:
  [QUOTE]My MOH and I have been friends for a few years, she's been there for so much with me. But after moving in with my FI we began start growing apart. I would go out to my hometown whenever I could afford it (I'm working as a waitress). But anytime I would go out there I would feel like I was being pushed away. We had a mutal friend together, but the friend and I had a falling out after how flaky she was and how she treated me after awhile. MOH and I had a fight about her the mutal friend was treating us, but instead of trying to see it from both perspectives, she only seen it from the mutal friends. I let it go, we no longer hang out as a group. But since then, I've been in my hometown a few times and she is now starting to flake on me. We don't talk about the wedding anymore and I'm not expecting her to be at my beck and call fo the whole wedding process. After my last visit out there I have invited her out to my place for a weekend, or even for a night, but she never wants to come out here, I always have to go there. She also just graduated college (I took a semester off to save money due to my job), and had invited me to her graduation party, but about 20 minutes after inviting me, asks 'The old mutal friend is going to be there, are you going to be okay? We can do our own thing."<strong> after I had flat out told her I would be fine. </strong>So basically disinvited me when I was going to take the day off of work and drive the two hours to go see her. Needless to say we fought again because of how I felt and <strong>that I was standing up to her about it. </strong>After trying to explain to her what is it like for me out here, trying to get her to see from another point of view then the blinded view she is in, she tells me that if we fight again (mind you we have only had TWO fights the entire friendship) that she has to reconsider being my MOH. And since this last fight I've only heard from her three times, once to help her with a final project at school, and the other two because I contacted her. Should I just cut my losses and get rid of the stress of wondering is she going to basically back out and move on? I know removing her from the WP will end the friendship, but I do not need any stress wondering if she's just going to walk out. I do not know what to do. I don't want to regret my WP years down the road, and I want a day of no drama... I know I will probably get hacked to bits about this issue but I needed to vent and need some advice. So please, any advice before hacking me to bits about it...TIA
  Posted by starryangelz72[/QUOTE]
  
  <div>So are you saying that she basically told you old friend would be there, thinking you wouldn't come, but then you didn't end up caring so that pissed her off? Are you not going to the party?</div><div>
  </div><div>That's a crappy friend. If she can't handle a bit of mild awkwardness between you and old friend for an hour, she has problems. I would never pick between 2 of my close friends, even though I know they do not get along. Plus you can mingle with others. It's not like you have to be at her side the whole darn time. </div><div>
  </div><div>I would just talk with her after a while and try to calm things down. Don't kick her out. If she backs out of her own choosing, then it's whatever. You do not have to have MOH. I can understand if you need to make any budgeting arrangements for her, for example if you were going to pay for her hair and nails the day of, but if she backs out that's $100 back in your pocket. </div><div>
  </div>

  April Siggy Challenge-Wedding Escape: Reading HG/dreaming about Peeta.... Bio-Updated 4/22**

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  mbcdefg member

  

  May 2011

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-ventlong?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:daa760ab-3195-4b2d-a4e2-3def9a41a426Post:1a0240d9-eca2-416d-8132-d655670ede7b">Re: What to do with MOH? (vent/long)</a>:
  [QUOTE]Your wedding isn't until August 2012. This is exactly why we don't recommend that anyone pick a wedding party more than six months from The Day. Relationships change. My advice:  back off, give her some time, then work on the friendship. Take WEDDING out of the equation altogether. Don't bring it up again until after the beginning of next year. If she's not interested in being in the wedding, she'll tell you. If she cuts off contact with you before then, then you have your answer as well.
  Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]
  
  Ditto, give things some time to cool off.
  
  I might also say something to her like, "Look. Mutual Friend and I are no longer friends. But that doesn't affect my relationship with you, or her relationship with you. And the two of us are mature enough to attend a party together and be civil, so there's no need for you to run interference. I think we should just drop the issue entirely and not talk about her anymore. You can be friends with her on your own time, I won't speak ill of her when you and I are together, and that will be the end of it."
  
  As far as you always being the one to travel to see her, I would either propose a mutual meeting spot at the halfway point, or just say, "Sorry, can't make it" sometimes. She can only take advantage of this situation as much as you allow her to. Yeah, it'd be nice if she made the effort to come see YOU once in a while, but if you agree to go to her every single time then you have nobody to blame but yourself.

  

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