How Do I Involve a Friend Who Is Not A Bridesmaid?

Re: How Do I Involve a Friend Who Is Not A Bridesmaid?

• Summer2011Bride member

  

  July 2012 edited July 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_how-do-i-involve-a-friend-who-is-not-a-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:b0cc98c1-ef02-4901-8377-61413897db15Post:f2b00163-0dd5-49c6-8662-50ca48fafe76">How Do I Involve a Friend Who Is Not A Bridesmaid?</a>:
  [QUOTE]     I could use some advice. I have a friend who was originally going to be a bridesmaid, when I was first engaged and we were much closer. Then my FH and I postponed our wedding due to losing our jobs and working out some other issues. At the time we thought we'd only have honor attendants when we chose to put things back on to keep things small and save money. Now I actually have 3 bridesmaids who have their dresses and everything is on track for October 6.      My friend and I didn't connect much due to schedules and her moving 2 hrs south. She just got married and only had her parents there. Now we are talking all the time and I am going to see her tonight. I am less than 3 months til the big day, so I don't want to ask her back in the wedding party but I can't see her not being a part of it. .      How do I involve my friend without making her feel like an afterthought or feeling like I'm throwing work on her? How do I tell her I have bridesmaids and ask her to be something else? What would I call her on my programs? Welcome Attendant? I'd love her to be a part of my day, but I don't want it to be weird. Thanks!
  Posted by djdanib24[/QUOTE]
  
  Just curious: How long was it postponed for? If it was planned for May and then you pushed it back to Oct, for instance, and I was asked to be a BM for May, I would personally expect to still be one for Oct. It's not like you cancelled your wedding or told your guests the wedding was off and then a year or so later chose to have a smaller wedding. IMO if you told everyone, including your BMs, that the wedding was pushed back, I would assume I would still be in the WP. Maybe I'm wrong here and someone else can throw in their two cents, but thats how I would feel.
  
  Either way, I wouldn't call her a welcome attendant. What does that even mean? If she ends up not in the WP, you could always ask her to do a reading or just invite her as a guest. Things like passing out programs or greeting people are just a crap job and would honestly make me feel even worse about not being in your WP anymore.

  
  
  
  
  

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• djdanib24 member

  

  July 2012

  Thanks for your reply. We got engaged in January 2011 and called off the wedding all together in September. At the time not much talk or planning had been done with wedding party at all. In January 2012 we decided to have the engagement back on but not at the original date because that would have been March 2012 and we wanted to have a firmer foundation for our marriage (not rush back into it). At the time we were not sure on size or if we'd have more than just Best Man (FH's brother and a Maid of Honor). In March we decided to have the wedding in October. At this time, my friend had moved, was hard to get ahold of, we just weren't connecting, she eloped, etc. Now we're talking more, picking up where we left off... (strangely she hasn't asked anything about the wedding).
  
  That's a great idea about having her doing a reading. It would mean something to both of us. It is more special than "crap jobs" unless of  course she volunteers to help out. We are having ushers, so it would fit in. I of course want to invite her out for the bachelorette and keep her involved too. I suppose I could invite her back into the wedding party and see if she'd like to buy the dress (at David's so it shouldn't be hard). We're rearing to go and just getting started on planning some bridesmaid outings, showers, craft making, etc... idk...
  
  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_how-do-i-involve-a-friend-who-is-not-a-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:b0cc98c1-ef02-4901-8377-61413897db15Post:7e9dddeb-7c45-4906-850f-9bea53044464">Re: How Do I Involve a Friend Who Is Not A Bridesmaid?</a>:
  [QUOTE]In Response to How Do I Involve a Friend Who Is Not A Bridesmaid? : Just curious: How long was it postponed for? If it was planned for May and then you pushed it back to Oct, for instance, and I was asked to be a BM for May, I would personally expect to still be one for Oct. It's not like you cancelled your wedding or told your guests the wedding was off and then a year or so later chose to have a smaller wedding. IMO if you told everyone, including your BMs, that the wedding was pushed back, I would assume I would still be in the WP. Maybe I'm wrong here and someone else can throw in their two cents, but thats how I would feel. Either way, I wouldn't call her a welcome attendant. What does that even mean? If she ends up not in the WP, you could always ask her to do a reading or just invite her as a guest. Things like passing out programs or greeting people are just a crap job and would honestly make me feel even worse about not being in your WP anymore.
  Posted by Summer2011Bride[/QUOTE]

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