venting sorry

i2012do · September 2010

Hi ladies, I dont usually post here because I recently got engaged and I have been mostly on my local board while I start to plan.

My fiance is in the USNavy and is currently in the reserves since he just came back from his tour in afghanistan (his enlistment was up ,so instead of going back in active he went into reserves)...

I just posted on my local board about getting military discounts at wedding vendors-- and if anyone knew. I mean it doesnt hurt right?! the Government doesnt pay THAT well, and a discount here or there for someone looking to help a hero would be nice...

Well a member on the knot from my community private messaged me:
Her message was like half apage but the gist of it was something like:

I dont think people will be willing to give you a discount JUST becuse you are a military family and THINK you deserve it. A lot of people are struggling in this economy. The reason other places give you discounts, as someone noted on the board is because its large volume-- like a movie theatre-- its not a wedding venue.. Honestly, do you thinkt hey want to give a discount to every tom and harry along the way? How rude are you to assume you deserve more than civilians...."

and it went on and on and on.

it was so rude, it almost made me cry.

im so upset. geeze. i just was hoping to save a few dollars here and there.

Ebattani · September 2010

That person doesn't have a clue. People give military discounts because they appreciate the service and sacrifice that your Fi has given for our country.

My experience is that you should always ask-- some will and some wont! I've had some pretty good luck while planning my wedding!

Beachy730 · September 2010

Agreed with PP, some people just don't get it. Many people appreciate the sacrifice given by all the members of the military, as well as their family members. Not everyone will give you a discount, but its worth asking. Even if they don't offer a discount they may throw something extra in, like our limo gave us a free Just Married sign.

Samantha175 · September 2010

I would take her comments very lightly because, like PP said, it's obvious that she doesn't understand why companies offer discounts to military personnel. FI and I ask everywhere we go about military discounts. You never know who will or won't give one so it doesn't hurt to ask.

mymarinemyhero · September 2010

I would have messaged her back and told her i'm sorry honor service and sacrafice mean nothing to you but many of us appreciatethe sacrafice others make for us. that girl sounds rude!

catemeg · September 2010

I wouldn't write back to her at all. I would have lost all respect for that person - it's one thing to believe that discounts for military service are silly, and everyone's entitled to their own opinion, but to attack someone and say they don't deserve it is just uncalled for. I'd say she's just bitter and wishes she got a discount somewhere, so she's probably frustrated that others might. I'd chalk it up to a bit of jealousy and ignore her.

As far as RI military discounts, Newport has a few since it's got the naval base, but because it's a top wedding destination the popular venues likely don't offer anything. Definitely check out the Officers Club - my aunt and her husband got married there, and it's gorgeous! It's on base, so you'd have to get permission for each of your guests beforehand so they can attend. I believe it's quite affordable for military, especially for right on the water!

I can't think of any others, but then again I haven't been searching as I'm not engaged yet. But I'd appreciate it if you passed on any that you find, especially vendors (since we've sort of got our venue figured out) - I'll be getting married in Rhode Island in 2012!

I'm definitely a proponent of, "If you don't ask, you won't find out." I'd be more offended, honestly, if a military bride got angry at a vendor for not offering a military discount - we're not entitled to them, but it's okay to ask! If they say no, not a big deal. Like someone said, people often offer them as a "thank you for your service."

tracyt14 · September 2010

Ugh! Do not spend one more second feeling bad and crying-- she is not worth your time or thoughts! That just makes me so angry that someone would write you and say that! Clearly she has NO idea what sacrifices your husband (and you!!) make so that she has the freedom to email you such a bitchy response! Screw her and don't fell bad-- feel bad for the poor guy who is marrying her!

amylydia23 · September 2010

I'm sorry that happened! I lurk over here a little bit and read and responded to your post on the RI board and I did not think you were out of line at all for asking. That is rude and like PPs said, a lot of people just don't understand. It's awful that someone has an outlook like that.

Yay for RI brides! I am having my wedding next summer in Newport at the Regatta Place. I will let both of you know if I come across anything.

Catemeg- What venue are you thinking of?

i2012do · September 2010

thanks guys. i just had to vent it made me upset. I think maybe this was seeded in something else. I know that in these times its hard, especially for those who dont believe int the war....

IFor those in RI the most random thing was this person hadn't really ever posted on the rI board before... and I looked at their older posts and it was mostly in general forum.

for now, i have breathed and forgotton it.

If I do come across any RI discounts, ill be sure to pass em' along!!

mysticl · September 2010

My cake baker and photograhper both offer military discounts. Actually my photographer is AD Navy himself and threw in an extra discount for the ship my FI serves on. We have a military clause in that contract that says the photog will arrange for a replacement if HE gets deployed.

A friend of mine got her bridal bouquet for free because the groom was going to be in uniform.

It never hurts to ask....and it never hurts to ignore the rude people.

SamSam31 · September 2010

Wow! I am so sorry to hear that. I don't think it's tacky at all to ask for a military discount. If businesses didn't want you to use them, they wouldn't have them available, would they? I think it's tacky of her to write something like that to you and expect you to feel bad or feel like a cheapskate! A penny saved is a penny earned, and it's smart to ask if there is a discount available. It's not showing that you have a sense of entitlement, it just makes you smart.

Yeah the economy sucks. FOR EVERYONE. It's impacted you too, so don't feel an ounce bad that you're looking for a deal. And if it's not available, it's not available!

I'm grateful to be able to get a military rate for some of the things we're doing for our wedding. In fact, if I didn't have the ability to rent a facility on a military installation, I would be paying 2x more for my wedding!

Ugh, now I'm all riled up.

SamSam31 · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_venting-sorry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:c599c476-36e2-4cf6-be79-2bfe946a7d20Post:0e3bfae4-1af8-4fde-99dd-5eaa9f456832">Re: venting sorry</a>:
[QUOTE]That person doesn't have a clue. People give military discounts because they appreciate the service and sacrifice that your Fi has given for our country. My experience is that you should always ask-- some will and some wont! I've had some pretty good luck while planning my wedding! :)
Posted by Ebattani[/QUOTE]

Amen, sister!

I'm getting married at Admiral Kidd (Point Loma, San Diego). The venue is GORGEOUS and it overlooks the bay. For a similar venue on the economy, I'd be paying twice as much! Definitely look into having the wedding on Newport. I've spent some TDY there and I loved it.

jelique7 · September 2010

Wow that is so rude! She was way out of line.

catemeg · September 2010

Amy, we both love Blithewold in Bristol. We're very lucky in that my parents are willing, able, and interested to pay for our wedding, so we'll have a comfortable budget. Our back-up choice is Ft. Adams - we really want a tent wedding on the water but not the beach. I love the privacy of Blithewold, and having the back-up plan of doing things inside the mansion in case of foul weather, but with BF being in the Marines and his father (and most of his father's friends) being retired Marines, I kind of like the imagery of the old fort. We'll see - we're going to go look at them when we get engaged and put down a deposit on the one we love.

The Regatta Place is gorgeous! That's a tent too, if I remember? I just don't like that we'd have to use their caterer - my Mom's friend is a caterer so we'd get huge discounts if we go through him (which reminds me, OP, ask that brat if you ever talk to her again if she'd turn down a 'friends and family' discount if she knew a vendor - it's not that different!), and our family friends own a liquor store so I'd prefer to get our booze through them and just hire a bartender. Thus why it's not interesting for us, but it's absolutely beautiful!

mysticl · September 2010

We are getting married in the base chapel which is free and then having our recpetion at one of the clubs on base. Not only are their rates cheaper than those in town that whole no sales tax thing makes it a ton cheaper. The only drawback is getting all of our civillian guests to turn in the information we need to give to base security.

i2012do · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_venting-sorry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:c599c476-36e2-4cf6-be79-2bfe946a7d20Post:1e675c3b-8a90-4400-bf4c-9f492a1352af">Re: venting sorry</a>:
[QUOTE]Amy, we both love Blithewold in Bristol. We're very lucky in that my parents are willing, able, and interested to pay for our wedding, so we'll have a comfortable budget. Our back-up choice is Ft. Adams - we really want a tent wedding on the water but not the beach. I love the privacy of Blithewold, and having the back-up plan of doing things inside the mansion in case of foul weather, but with BF being in the Marines and his father (and most of his father's friends) being retired Marines, I kind of like the imagery of the old fort. We'll see - we're going to go look at them when we get engaged and put down a deposit on the one we love. The Regatta Place is gorgeous! That's a tent too, if I remember? I just don't like that we'd have to use their caterer - my Mom's friend is a caterer so we'd get huge discounts if we go through him (which reminds me, OP, ask that brat if you ever talk to her again if she'd turn down a 'friends and family' discount if she knew a vendor - it's not that different!), and our family friends own a liquor store so I'd prefer to get our booze through them and just hire a bartender. Thus why it's not interesting for us, but it's absolutely beautiful!
Posted by catemeg[/QUOTE]

aw blithwold is so awesome!. its on the higher end of my budget otherwise i would check it out.
ANother really awesome place is glen manor its beautiful and on the water and is inside nad outside, but i think you can do a tent as well.
it was my 2nd choice.

I have asked our vendor if she gives a discount since its town owned and also asked my florist.

the caterer, i probably wont ask, but i likely will ask the photog. too!

catemeg · September 2010

Yeah, I know Blithewold is a lot of money, but at least I can bring in my own vendors. The part that really adds up, though, is hiring a dance floor and all the chairs, tables, linens, china, etc. That's one reason we want a Friday wedding - it's $5,000 less expensive on venue rental alone! I'm also hoping there is a bride getting married that Saturday who wants to split the cost of the dance floor, chairs, and tables. Here's hoping, right?

And you better believe I'll be asking other vendors if they have a discount for a Friday night wedding. And a military discount. And I'll use as many "family and friend" discounts I can get! Bring on the discounts!

SBSmith0219 · September 2010

i would not even give one more thought to that woman, honestly businesses would not implement those discount services if they did not want people to use them. men and women both are greatful for the service of those here or overseas, but unless they are personally affected by military life then they have no idea how hard of a sacrifice it is for those spouses, children, and family members of those serving. They cant even begin to imagine what it feels like to know that the man or woman that you love more than anything is in a situation where they might not come home and how we are here stateside worrying every second of the day. Being able to use a discount for being military should be NOTHING that someone should make you feel bad about. I would be willing to bet anything that if that same rude woman had the ability to use discounts on her wedding that she would do it in a heartbeat and probably bite someones head off if they tried to do the same thing to her that she did to you!

calindi · September 2010

Um, okay, so it seems my old screen name (CateMeg) was removed by TK mods. Something about a overzealous moderator on Favors that I reported for being dictatorial... anyway, I'm back!

I responded to this yesterday, but I think I was being blocked most of the day, so not sure if anyone saw it!

I thought about Glen Manor - my uncle got married there, and they don't let you do a tent (I don't think) and you have to sit in separate rooms if you have more than 50 people. Just wasn't the feel I want. But we definitely want to go back and look at it when we get engaged!

There's no harm in asking the caterer, too! I've always heard, "The worst they can say is no. If you don't ask, you won't know."

i2012do · September 2010

calindi -- werid it was posted yesterday,..but now its gone

sorry i didint mean to say blithwold was "so much" i meant "so beautiful" i read it and it sounded funny.

Ya, I really loved the glen, but its not worth skrimping and savings elsewhere- i want to have a great band and good food. the two rooms botherd by fiance too.

I hope u are engaged soon-- so that u can start booking your stuff!!

you are right about asking the caterer -- whats the difference, its just a question!!

If i find any discounts, ill send them along your way

Everyone else, thanks so much for your words of kindness--someitmes when people make rude comments you start to feel like "does anyone understand what i went through/how i have to live"-- its nice to know others feel this way!! I appreciate it!! Happy labor day, and for those of u ont he east coast like me---stay awy from Earl!!

calindi · September 2010

Oh, no offense taken. Blithewold IS expensive - it's $5,500 for a Friday night, and $9,500 for a Saturday. Um, that's NOT including tables, chairs, linens, china, etc.! Oh, and an extra $950 to host the ceremony there. So yeah, if I was paying for my wedding on my own or if my parents weren't as willing and interested to pay that much, there's no way I could afford it. I'm incredibly grateful.

BunsCheer03 · September 2010

Your FI fought for this country and people who make those statements take their freedom for granted. Military discounts are a way for places to say thank you for what your family sacrifies for theirs. Stay strong & stay proud!

venting sorry

Re: venting sorry

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