Help choosing readings for ceremony

gymbugmj2k · November 2011

I don't often come in this board, so my apologies if this gets asked a lot (The knot has a terrible search feature. haha)

I'm going through our ceremony planning book that the preist gave us, and we're finding that we do not like most of the reading choices. A lot of them are extremely traditional (which is a little odd for our university mindset, forward thinking church). One of the readings has strong sexual undertones which we think its a little too much for us, and most of the others are either overused (1st corinthians) or too strong a message of "woman should be subordinate to her husband'.
As a couple, we have a very strong, equal partnership, and are hoping to find readings or church appropriate poems to reflect that relationship, as well as perhaps 'being good people to others" --- and not necessarily a traditional catholic "we love God and God loves us and the purpose of us getting married is to produce children and obey the husband". Our family and our church is fairly modern in its ideas and practice.

....and while we understand others may not agree with us or our vision for our wedding ceremony, we do hope for some ideas and support from the board. So, suggestions for sites with a good selection of readings or poems would be extremely helpful.

Thank you!

agapecarrie · November 2011

The word obey is not in the wedding vows, nor is this what the reading means when it talks about being submissive. Before rejecting it, please consider what it really is talking about. It's surprising, and does not at all mean "unequal" Submission can be broken down Sub= under. To place yourself under the mission of the husband. The husband's mission is to love his wife as Christ loved the church. To love means to will the good for the other, which is heaven. Christ is the model for that--- in death. So the husbands job is to get his wife to heaven, even of it kills him. To love is to be in service to one another-- to sacrifice. This reading actually keeps women as the crown of creation--- its more "forward thinking " that anything.

gymbugmj2k · November 2011

gah, i knew i'd get a response like this. I didn't mean to offend or be ignorant...and thank you for explaining.

I do understand what the readings try to portray. I really do. And I can appreciate the beauty and true spirit of it...... but at first glance (or first hearing it), we each interpret a reading in our own way. It took me at least 3 read throughs to REALLY understand some of the messages, and at our ceremony, I wouldn't want our family and friends to get the wrong impression.
So yes, while I do understand the true messages, it still doesn't erase the inital shock for me, and how "not us" the message initially seemed. I just want to see if anyone has any ideas for alternative readings to find one that words the message in a more appropriate way for the 2 of us.

Again thanks for helping and explaining.

p.s - i understand that 'obey' is not in the vows, but it WAS in one of the readings! I forget which, but the line "wives, obey your husbands" was clearly in it. While I understand it might not literally mean that..... i can't get past the literal meaning and i'm sure there would be raised eyebrows in the church that day! =P

professorscience · November 2011

You don't have to use the readings that are in the books, but they have to be Biblical readings, so poems are out.

I actually thought a lot of the readings we chose (from the book) were not focused on the couple, the family, or the purpose of marriage being to have children. The one that probably had the most to do with marriage was from Tobit, where Tobias and Sarah pray before even consummating their marriage.

The other was from Corinthians, but it was "Let the peace of Christ's love be upon you always," not "Love is patient, etc."

Our Gospel is from John, and it's more about Christ's committment to his church.

lisa89760 · November 2011

I agree - I asked my priest if I could pick any readings I wanted because none in the book were really clicking with us. We finally found 2 we liked and used Wedding at Cana as our gospel because it is and has been one of my favorite gospels. So you might want to look up some other readings that mean more to you and your fiance.

gymbugmj2k · November 2011

I already did a couple searches, but havent found much past whats already in the book. So, instead of me reading the bible cover to cover to find something meaningful for our day, I figured i'd turn to you ladies to see what you've used or what you have heard.

I'm kind of a fan of the Hebrews 13 reading in the book (that's about the only one we could decide on - mostly because we LOVE the line: “Let mutual love continue. Do not neglect hospitality, for through it some have unknowingly entertained angels.”), so something along those lines of general kindness and partnership would be great.

suggestions are welcome. Thanks!

ellen73 · November 2011

What do you want your marriage to be about? You have plenty of time to search & spend some time on this (10 months still!).

We went on vacation a few weeks after our Pre-Cana day. During Pre-Cana, we had an exercise to write down what our values & ideals are as individuals and as a couple and as a married couple. These were things we had discussed many times, but never actually wrote them down until our Pre-Cana day. This helped us when it came time to choosing readings, which we did mostly while at Spring Training that year (interesting conversations while watching baseball, btw!). There were a few that were totally "us," based on what we wrote for that exercise. Having a good, solid foundation for our marriage (Gospel), living for others (which for us even carries over into our choices of where to shop & the brands we buy/choose not to buy) (2nd reading), love of all creation & God's obvious love for us (1st reading). I have loved the Romans 12 reading since I was in high school, but never thought of it for our wedding until reading it more closely & my husband is the one who first realized it was a good fit for us! Our readings are below.

Genesis 1:26-28. 31
Male and female he created them.

God said, 'Let us make man in our own image, in the likeness of ourselves, and let them be masters of the fish of the sea, the birds of heaven, the cattle, all the wild beasts and all the reptiles that crawl upon the earth.'

God created man in the image of himself,
in the image of God he created him,
male and female he created them.

God blessed them, saying to them, 'Be fruitful, multiply, fill the earth and conquer it. Be masters of the fish of the sea, the birds of heaven and all living animals on the earth.' God saw all he had made, and indeed it was very good.

Second Reading: (Long Form)

A reading from the Letter of Saint Paul to the Romans 12:1-2, 9-18

I urge you, brothers and sisters, by the mercies of God,
to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice,
holy and pleasing to God, your spiritual worship.
Do not conform yourselves to this age
but be transformed by the renewal of your mind,
that you may discern what is the will of God,
what is good and pleasing and perfect.
Let love be sincere;
hate what is evil,
hold on to what is good;
love one another with mutual affection;
anticipate one another in showing honor.
Do not grow slack in zeal,
be fervent in spirit,
serve the Lord.
Rejoice in hope,
endure in affliction,
persevere in prayer.
Contribute to the needs of the holy ones,
exercise hospitality.
Bless those who persecute you,
bless and do not curse them.
Rejoice with those who rejoice,
weep with those who weep.
Have the same regard for one another;
do not be haughty but associate with the lowly;
do not be wise in your own estimation.
Do not repay anyone evil for evil;
be concerned for what is noble in the sight of all.
If possible, on your part, live at peace with all.
The word of the Lord.

Gospel: A wise man built his house on rock.
(Long Form)

A reading from the holy Gospel according to Matthew 7:21, 24-29

Jesus said to his disciples:
“Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’
will enter the Kingdom of heaven,
but only the one who does the will of my Father in heaven.
“Everyone who listens to these words of mine and acts on them
will be like a wise man who built his house on rock.
The rain fell, the floods came,
and the winds blew and buffeted the house.
But it did not collapse; it had been set solidly on rock.
And everyone who listens to these words of mine
but does not act on them
will be like a fool who built his house on sand.
The rain fell, the floods came,
and the winds blew and buffeted the house.
And it collapsed and was completely ruined.”
When Jesus finished these words,
the crowds were astonished at his teaching,
for he taught them as one having authority,
and not as their scribes.
The Gospel of the Lord.

ingeniousidea · November 2011

OP, what were the passages you've already looked at? This will give us a better idea of what you do and don't like and avoid duplicates.

My suggestions (these are all OT, but I'll keep looking for NT ones!)

Song of Songs 8:6-9
⁶ Set me as a seal upon your heart,
   as a seal upon your arm;
for love is strong as death,
   passion fierce as the grave.
Its flashes are flashes of fire,
   a raging flame.
⁷ Many waters cannot quench love,
   neither can floods drown it.
If one offered for love
   all the wealth of one’s house,
   it would be utterly scorned.

Ruth 1:16-17
Ruth said,
‘Do not press me to leave you
   or to turn back from following you!
Where you go, I will go;
   where you lodge, I will lodge;
your people shall be my people,
   and your God my God.
¹⁷ Where you die, I will die—
   there will I be buried.
May the Lord do thus and so to me,
   and more as well,
if even death parts me from you!’

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
Two are better than one,
   because they have a good return for their labor:
If either of them falls down,
   one can help the other up.
But pity anyone who falls
   and has no one to help them up.
Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
   But how can one keep warm alone?
Though one may be overpowered,
   two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

Tobit 8:4-9
When the parents^* had gone out and shut the door of the room, Tobias got out of bed and said to Sarah,^* ‘Sister, get up, and let us pray and implore our Lord that he grant us mercy and safety.’ ⁵So she got up, and they began to pray and implore that they might be kept safe. Tobias^* began by saying,
‘Blessed are you, O God of our ancestors,
   and blessed is your name in all generations for ever.
Let the heavens and the whole creation bless you for ever.
⁶ You made Adam, and for him you made his wife Eve
   as a helper and support.
   From the two of them the human race has sprung.
You said, “It is not good that the man should be alone;
   let us make a helper for him like himself.”
⁷ I now am taking this kinswoman of mine,
   not because of lust,
   but with sincerity.
Grant that she and I may find mercy
   and that we may grow old together.’
⁸And they both said, ‘Amen, Amen.’ ⁹Then they went to sleep for the night.

see-those-stars · November 2011

I second Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 - we used this one and I think it has a really lovely message.

clearheavens · November 2011

These were ours at our wedding last July:

Old Testament

A reading from the Book of Sirach 26:1-4, 13-16

Blessed the husband of a good wife,
twice-lengthened are his days;
A worthy wife brings joy to her husband,
peaceful and full is his life.
A good wife is a generous gift
bestowed upon him who fears the Lord;
Be he rich or poor, his heart is content,
and a smile is ever on his face.
A gracious wife delights her husband,
her thoughtfulness puts flesh on his bones;
A gift from the Lord is her governed speech,
and her firm virtue is of surpassing worth.
Choicest of blessings is a modest wife,
priceless her chaste soul.
A holy and decent woman adds grace upon grace;
indeed, no price is worthy of her temperate soul.
Like the sun rising in the Lord’s heavens,
the beauty of a virtuous wife is the radiance of her home.

New Testament

A reading from the Letter of Saint Paul to the Ephesians 5:2a, 25-32

(Short Form)Brothers and sisters:
Live in love, as Christ loved us
and handed himself over for us.
Husbands, love your wives,
even as Christ loved the Church
and handed himself over for her to sanctify her,
cleansing her by the bath of water with the word,
that he might present to himself the Church in splendor,
without spot or wrinkle or any such thing,
that she might be holy and without blemish.
So also husbands should love their wives as their own bodies.
He who loves his wife loves himself.
For no one hates his own flesh
but rather nourishes and cherishes it,
even as Christ does the Church,
because we are members of his Body.
For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother
and be joined to his wife,
and the two shall become one flesh.
This is a great mystery,
but I speak in reference to Christ and the Church.
Remain in my love.

Gospel

A reading from the holy Gospel according to John 15:9-12

Jesus said to his disciples:
“As the Father loves me, so I also love you.
Remain in my love.
If you keep my commandments, you will remain in my love,
just as I have kept my Father’s commandments
and remain in his love.
I have told you this so that my joy might be in you
and your joy might be complete.
This is my commandment: love one another as I love you.

gymbugmj2k · November 2011

@Ellen -- Great question. We've discussed that our marriage will strive to be centered around strong values of family, communication and empathy, and good deeds. I suppose that's why we love the line in Hebrews 13 about hospitality to others.

@ingenious -- I've looked at the book readings, and now the ones that you ladies have provided for me.

I think i'm having the most trouble with the 1st reading (old testament)

@clearheavens -- YES to the gospel. That's the type of thing we want to go for. The simple, clean "love one another and do good" message....unfortunately the 1st reading is close to what we DONT want (no offense!) We'd rather not mention what 'wives' and 'husbands' should do. just our preference.

Thank you ladies for your help. It's definitely making this process a little clearer!

bibliophile2010 · November 2011

Remember, you can mix and match.

We did the Tobit reading, Ellen's reading from Romans (I love, love, love this! It has become a new favorite reading of mine.), and (with permission from the priest) used Matthew 25:31-46 (corporal works of mercy -- doesn't get much more love God and love others than that). My second choice would have been the two commandments of the New Covenant (love the Lord your God; love your neighbor as yourself), which is a designated wedding reading.

Help choosing readings for ceremony

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