Securing the church...

MissOwl · June 2011

So FI (that's still so fun to type) and I have been looking for a new catholic church community recently and found one we love. unfortunately, they only have an early ceremony time slot (130pm) available for our wedding date. the reception venue doesnt have any dates available for months on either side of our current date so there's no moving that. i had my heart set on the 6pm ceremony. we have tons of out of town guests (like 90%) and i don't want to have a gap.

my potential options are

1. stick with the 130 and have an afternoon reception

2. try to talk to the 6pm bride to see if she is willing to switch (or is that horrible? I feel like it's a jerk thing to do but i'm sad and desperate)

3. look for another church in the area with later ceremony times (won't be our new home parish but would better accommodate our guests)

your votes and input please!

TheBeckmeister · June 2011

We're having a Catholic mass at 1:30 due to 4pm Mass. Most of our guest list is OOT too (though only about 60% compared to your 90%). We're having a gap. Not ideal, but it'll have to work.

You could ask the 6pm bride (did the Church tell you who it is?) but be prepared for her to tell you no and maybe judge you a little bit

(but worth a shot, I suppose).

Why do you like this new church community so much? Do you love the priest/deacon? Or do you love the people? Or the classes/activities offered there? If you love the priest and you want him to marry you, you'll pretty much have to stick with that parish....

MissOwl · June 2011

thanks becks! i am super hesitant to ask the 6pm bride but i thought i'd see what others thought before i throw that out the window. i agree with you though. i'd judge me if i were her.

i am new to the community so it's not like i have super-tight family ties there or anything. frankly i like the smaller community and it's more diverse than other churches i've been apart of. hmmm...lots of good notes to think about.

keep the thoughts coming ladies!

MissOwl · June 2011

becks, do you have a timeline drafted yet? can you show me what your day will look like?

TheBeckmeister · June 2011

I don't have a lot of the details figured out but we were thinking something like...

1:30 - Mass

2:30 - Exit somehow (no receiving line allowed @ our church, so we still need to figure out how to "exit"....)

Take pictures

5:00 - Arrive at our reception venue, do receiving line as guests arrive at venue

5:30 - Cocktail hour officially starts

6:15 - Announced as Mr. & Mrs., Cake or First Dance?, Prayer

6:30 - Eat

Other fun stuff....

TheBeckmeister · June 2011

BTW, Congrats on the engagement! (I was actually in Columbus this past week for a family emergency, so I'm just now catching up on TK, but YAY!)

tiffanydaniels · June 2011

Here is the issue with looking at a church that is not your own. Many say that you have to become members and be active within the church for 6 MONTHs before you can even ask about a wedding there. That was mine and my FI problem we did not have time to join a church and wait 6 months to even ask so we went to my parents church which is about 25 minutes away from the venue but that is ok. We are having our ceremony at 1:30 and our reception will be from 5-10 we chose to have a break to allow for pictures and a breather.

An extra tip get started on all the meetings early we started have meetings with the priest back in February and we are in our 5th one and we just now got to the 6 part DVD series!! It is a lot of work and money but it is actually worth it becuase it brings up questions you would not think to ask.

Good luck to you... and I say a 1:30 wedding would be just fine!

xjulie2188x · June 2011

If I were you, I would stick to the church that you're joining. I know that you're not that tied to it yet, but it would be nice to attend the church that you were married in. Sort of a special reminder for the two of you every time you go to mass.
I ended up picking a Friday night to have my wedding because I was having a very similar issue with the time between the reception and the ceremony due to the mass schedule. Maybe that is an option for you as well.

If no other day works or you just plain want a Saturday wedding, then I say that's fine! I've been to several Catholic weddings that all had a gap between (2 of those were OOT) and it didn't bother me at all as a guest. When I was considering doing the same thing everyone I talked to, family & close friends all said they thought it would be fine.
I think everyone will understand if that's what you choose, & it is your day afterall! You could always give them suggestions of things to do in between in OOT bags or on your wedding website. Or if your venue is at a hotel then just book your room block there & they can just relax for a while!

Plus on the bright side, think of all the amazing pics at different locations you would have time for!

katy0293 · June 2011

I would start by asking the 6p bride. maybe she didn't have a preference on the time and that's just what they offered her! maybe she's a bit into her planning and is finding that an earlier wedding would work better for her but she hasn't thought to look into it. maybe she will be charmed by you and do it anyway! =P

after that, I would look into doing it at another church. it sounds like you don't want to budge on the date or the time of your wedding, so you shouldn't have to.

MissOwl · June 2011

thanks to all of you. i'm still thinking about what to do and FI and I have talked about it a lot. we'll see. i'll keep you posted!

thanks for the itinerary ideas becks and tiffany.

buckeyesweetz · June 2011

I think you should just stick with 1:30. I think asking the other bride to switch with you would be weird (at least I know I would be weirded out?). I think in the long run it would mean a lot to you to marry in your new home church

This was how our day went.....

We was just married at 1:30, and it really isn't so bad at all (the time wouldn't have been my first choice but my church only has weddings at 1:30 saturdays). I really felt as if we had a true wedding DAY.... as in the whole DAY not just the evening. Our ceremony started at 1:30, mass was over at 2:30, my husband and I dismissed guests from the pews until 2:45, and then we did pictures at the church until 3:30 (when we had to be out to get ready for 4pm mass).

We expected people to leave 2:45-3, but most of our guests stood around until we left at 3:30 and chatted just outside the church. All of our extended family is OOT, so I think people enjoyed mingling...

Our OOT guests which included mostly everyone besides a few of my friends went to the hotel to check in and sign up for the free shuttle service that the hotel provided to take them to the reception starting at 4:30. The older family members took a short nap which included my dad..... which was the whole reason why we planned a gap (which was a blessing because he has severe COPD and he felt well enough at the actual ceremony to actually have a short father/daughter dance with me. He normally naps in the afternoon so we didn't want to disrupt his normal schedule too much)

After we left the church at 3:30 - we spent about 45 minutes at OSU getting some pics (just my husband and myself) and then we drove to the reception and got there just before 5. Guests were already having drinks and appetizers, we were announced at 5:30 after we just sat and chilled with our WP and got a few pictures then proceeded to the reception. Our reception ended at 9:30.

Gaps are normal in my circle though, so something to keep in mind.

buckeyesweetz · June 2011

Are gaps normal in your social circle? If not, maybe a gap wouldn't be a good idea.
You could do...

Mass 1:30-2:30
(receiving line... expect people to leave by 3??)
Reception 3:30-8:30???? If you are doing dinner, you could always have more apps and mingling until 5, then serve dinner at 5pm.

Just a thought.....

blondbelle15 · June 2011

I would do it at your home church and move the reception up a little bit or start a coctail hour early so there's not so much of a gap. When we were looking there are not a lot of Catholic churches that we found that would do an afternoon ceremony because so many of them have Mass. We actually changed churches so we would not have as large a gap in between and it ended up being a wonderful thing because we came back to our home church. We have a 2:30 ceremony- no greeting line allowed - and then cocktails start at 5:30 and we will be announced around 6:15/6:30.

buckeyesweetz · June 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_ohio-columbus_securing-church?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:112Discussion:59f8b739-5941-4e92-b87b-c8d019f4a395Post:df3a90d4-784f-4b40-b340-b7992a550ab6">Re: Securing the church...</a>:
[QUOTE]I would do it at your home church and move the reception up a little bit or start a coctail hour early so there's not so much of a gap. When we were looking there are not a lot of Catholic churches that we found that would do an afternoon ceremony because so many of them have Mass. We actually changed churches so we would not have as large a gap in between and it ended up being a wonderful thing because we came back to our home church. We have a 2:30 ceremony- no greeting line allowed - and then cocktails start at 5:30 and we will be announced around 6:15/6:30.
Posted by blondbelle15[/QUOTE]

If your ceremony is at 2:30 and cocktails don't start until 5:30 then won't you still have a 2 hour gap? That is still a pretty long gap (I'm not judging because this is about the same time frame in between ceremony and reception that we ended up with as well - people had to go to hotel to get on the shuttle, so I guess that did absorb a good chunk of the time though which helped)

MissOwl · June 2011

so much to think about. i don't think a gap would be abnormal in my circle but the problem is that all of his family is from rural ohio so a gap in the city versus a gap in their hometown is a lot to ask of them. thanks for all the input ladies. i really appreciate it! it helps me to think things through.

love,

owl

loislane906 · June 2011

One other thing to consider (and just a thought on this)...

Do you really want your ceremony at 6pm? That would mean you likely wouldn't be done until 7pm. Unless you're doing all of your pictures before, you wouldn't enter the reception and start dinner until 8pm. Then that only gives you at most 3 hours of dancing if it takes an hour for dinner and you end at midnight.

We had a moderate gap for our wedding 2 weeks ago. Ceremony was at 2pm and lasted until just before 3pm. We had a receiving line at the church and then people were able to head straight to the reception for cocktail hour while we took pictures. We entered at about 4:45 and started dinner a little after 5pm. We had a huge wedding (250+) so by the time everyone was done with dinner and we had our special dances it was around 7pm. Then the regular dancing started and we had to cut it off at 11:45, but people would have gone all night.

So I guess what I'm saying is a gap is fine, but I'd rather have some more time with the people who traveled to be with us and start the party earlier. Happy planning!

MissOwl · June 2011

thanks lois lane. something to consider for sure!

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