bridesmaid issue

Re: bridesmaid issue

• waltzingmatilda13 member

  

  January 2012

  This is a completely different wedding and it's been a couple years, so I don't think you owe anyone anything. You started over from the beginning and you aren't obligated to keep the same people. 

  
  

  I wouldn't come out and tell these people that they aren't in this wedding, they will figure it out when you don't ask them. At the same time I think pointing them out in the program would look a little silly. They don't need to be honored in that way, it's supposed to be an honor to be invited to the wedding as a guest and I think it would look worse than actually having them as maids because they will be present, just not standing up with you. Honorary titles are usually reserved for people who aren't able to make it to the wedding. 

  
  

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• Maggie0829 member

  

  January 2012

  First, and most important question...what do you want?  It is great that you and your FI decided on just family but is that what you want?  Do you want those other girls still in your wedding?  If so you have every right to have them in it.
  
  If you are fine with just family, you do not need to tell the other girls anything.  When they aren't asked they will get the hint that they are not included.  If they ask you (which is extremely rude on their part) then tell them that you decided to keep the wedding party family only.
  
  Being a guest is an honor in itself.  But if you would like them to still be a part of your day they each could do a reading during the ceremony.  As far as the honorary title...that only applies to BMs that could not make the wedding (due to illness, giving birth, death in family, another emergency, etc)

  
  

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• RaptorSLH member

  

  January 2012

  With a new relationship and new wedding plans, you are free to choose a new wedding party...but I hope you paid your old bridesmaids back for the dresses they bought.

  

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• gananoque

  

  January 2012

  Canceling the wedding must have been a very difficult and very stressful time for you. Sorry you had to go through all that. If your then-BMs stood by you through it all, I can understand why their friendship would mean a great deal and why you would want to honour them.
  
  However, I don't think making up a strange "honorary BM" title for a program is the way to do it.
  
  Why not host a small luncheon for these friends and tell them how much they mean to you? They don't need the validation of matching dresses to know you care about them and they're not in it for the fame and glory of being in your wedding program.
  

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• stephers92212

  

  January 2012 edited January 2012

  Well no I didn't pay the. Back... cause I had paid for the whole wedding at the time on my own! So I was pretty much broke only being a server in the day time... I used all that I saved for a wedding that failed on the grooms side not mine! So no I didn't I was completely screwed myself!

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• mjradney

  

  January 2012

  When my brother married his now wife she had too many friends she wanted in the wedding so she actually made three of them usherettes. It is always an idea to let them serve you but in a slightly different way. She still had them all have matching dresses (different than the bridesmaids) and all. They helped seat everyone and assisted her anyway they could. It is always an option to ask them to participate just in a different way.

  

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• stephers92212

  

  January 2012

  I was thinking the same thing but I didn't think it would seem right ya know? How many did she have?

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• mjradney

  

  January 2012

  She had seven bridesmaids and three usherettes. If I remeber correctly they didn't seem to mind at all. Actually it cost them less and they still got to have their own special role.

  

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• graysquirrel member

  

  January 2012

  If you only want family this time and those 3 girls were BMs the last time, I think that I'd just have them be guests. That way you can legitimately say that you and your FI decided on a family only WP and they should be ok with that. Assigning other roles in this case seems to me like runner-up jobs. I disagree with pp that being an usher would be a good idea-- they would likely know that it is a consolation prize.

  

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• balasj

  

  January 2012

  How about asking some of them to give readings at the ceremony?  That's a nice way to incorporate important people in your life to a meaningful part of the day.

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• lenergyrlah member

  

  January 2012

  Being a guest is an honor, and standing up front is an honor.  A title is just a title.  Don't bother with the "honorary BM" because that will only highlight the fact that they aren't "real" bridesmaids.  If one of them plays an instrument, they could play during your wedding; otherwise they could do a reading.

  

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