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Unity Candle/Sand Ceremony

Equine OsmosisEquine Osmosis member
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in Catholic Weddings
What's the deal with unity candle/sand ceremonies? 
I'm trying to decide whether or not to include one in our ceremony.  I don't have a strong feeling either way but I think that's because I don't know much about it other than seeing it done.  Are they originally a Catholic tradition and if not how does the church view them?  Is it "bad" not to have one?  If you plan on having one (or had one) do you really plan on keeping it on a shelf forever?

Thanks!  :)

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Re: Unity Candle/Sand Ceremony

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    mica178mica178 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Actually, neither is a Catholic thing, if anything they are secular.  We had neither.  My church allowed unity candles, but many Catholic churches do not because unity candles became popular after a soap opera had one in a wedding.  If you're not interested in having a unity candle or sand ceremony, that's more than fine, most priests and churches would probably prefer it.
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    agapecarrieagapecarrie member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    The unity candle was invented on a soap opera. It is NOT part of the catholic marriage rite. If you are having a mass you actually have the unity happen at the Eucharist, you don't need to symbolize it before. Everything in the liturgy has meaning for the congregation as participants, but the unity candle stops that and makes the congregation observers.
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    ootmother2ootmother2 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    edited December 2011

    At the last wedding I attended, the mothers did the unity candle.  It was pretty and nicely done but probably not necessary unless you have your heart sent on it.

    I would do something else if you're looking for a "unique touch" to add.

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    ootmother2ootmother2 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    "Is it bad not to have one?"

    No, not at all and I doubt anyone will even inquire about it.

    You have far more important things to do planning a wedding than this.

    Good luck!
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    ring_popring_pop member
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    edited December 2011
    I find them pretty cheesy. We did not have either.
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    We did not have one b/c they were not permitted per our priest. Like Mica said, they are not typically part of the Catholic ceremony and considered secular in nature. Had we been permitted to have one, we would have opted for not having one anyway. The Catholic ceremony is beautiful just the way it is.
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    Riss91Riss91 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Like ring_pop, I find them terribly cheestastic and do not see the point as there isn't anything needed beyond your ceremony to "unite" you.

    Personnaly, I feel like they are filler and fluff with little meaning. But, I know others like them.

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    lisa89760lisa89760 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Our priest will not let us have one at the ceremony plus we didn't want one.  There's already a lot going on during the wedding ceremony about being united etc that we felt a candle wasn't necessary.
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    doctabroccolidoctabroccoli member
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    edited December 2011
    We had a unity candle, but only because my H and his family are not Catholic.  So we did it as more of the joining of two faiths since none of them could be joined with us in the Eucharist.
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    catarntinacatarntina member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_unity-candlesand-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:257f9194-b7ef-49c7-bbef-a17680b6f9f7Post:41ebd1df-ef77-41f0-9e46-6bd0943e09fe">Re: Unity Candle/Sand Ceremony</a>:
    [QUOTE]We had a unity candle, but only because my H and his family are not Catholic.  So we did it as more of the joining of two faiths since none of them could be joined with us in the Eucharist.
    Posted by doctabroccoli[/QUOTE]

    This.  H's family is Baptist (H is Catholic, though).  Plus his mom wanted to do something with the wedding.

    I thought it was nice.  It doubled as our alter flower arrangement, too.  We took the candles and left the flowers.  The priest gave a nice sentiment about "Fat Candle First" -- meaning the two candles on the sides were less important than the candle in the middle, don't be selfish and put the marriage before your own individual needs.

    The tapers were also lit from the church's candles to signify the presence of God in our marriage.  I thought it was done very nicely.  Maybe cheesy, but it made the mom's feel special to have a role.
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    bibliophile2010bibliophile2010 member
    First Anniversary Name Dropper Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_unity-candlesand-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:257f9194-b7ef-49c7-bbef-a17680b6f9f7Post:fa9a34cd-7dff-4618-830f-763e495340ab">Re: Unity Candle/Sand Ceremony</a>:
    [QUOTE]Like ring_pop, I find them terribly cheestastic and do not see the point as there isn't anything needed beyond your ceremony to "unite" you. Personnaly, I feel like they are filler and fluff with little meaning. But, I know others like them.
    Posted by Riss91[/QUOTE]

    This exactly.
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    professorscienceprofessorscience member
    First Comment First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_unity-candlesand-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:615Discussion:257f9194-b7ef-49c7-bbef-a17680b6f9f7Post:fa9a34cd-7dff-4618-830f-763e495340ab">Re: Unity Candle/Sand Ceremony</a>:
    [QUOTE]Like ring_pop, I find them terribly cheestastic and do not see the point as there isn't anything needed beyond your ceremony to "unite" you. Personnaly<strong>, I feel like they are filler and fluff with little meaning.</strong> But, I know others like them.
    Posted by Riss91[/QUOTE]

    This times a million.  One thing FI and I declared right off the bat in planning our wedding was that we don't want any "awkward standing around" moments, which is usually what happens with "unity" ceremonies, since inevitably someone will get up and sing a love song.  And then everyone sits around while the singer finishes.
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    caseyhaynes429caseyhaynes429
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    I cant believe this came from a soap opera! I was wondering the same but now I am pretty positive we will not have one in our ceremony either.

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    Megaphone2752Megaphone2752 member
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    edited December 2011
    They're not allowed at our church which we were totally ok with.
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    stardreamer1223stardreamer1223
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    We're not doing the Candle or Sand ceremony, but we are using the Lasso and Arras exchange which is a mexican/hispanic tradition with our family. Really excited about doing it. No many people have seen it done. :)
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