Last night FI and I were on the phone before going to bed (as we usually do) and I could tell that he was really down. So I started to dig, he finally opened up to me and told me that he doesn't like the idea of our wedding at all, he really wants to run away and get married just the two of us, but because of talk to his mom and me he has settled for the "big" wedding because he never wants me to look back and say. "Well I never had". Everytime I would bring up the idea of a destination wedding or eloping (being very serious about it), he would always be on board for the big wedding. So he and I began looking into venue and vendors and he has seemed fin all along until the tastings with caterers.
He has not wanted to go to any of them and would rather stay home and eat spaghettios rather than having a decent meal. Part of this comes from the fact he doesn't have the best relationsip with my parents and he feels like everytime we are with them that all they do is look down their nose at him (which I don't see, but he feels this way and it kills me.) So I have been trying to help him get excited about the wedding and the planning process, but have been failing miserably.
He helped pick out the tuxes and helped with the Save the Dates, but has back off after that. (which is fine if he doesn't want to be involved.) But he says to me Last night that he feels like we are just going through the motions of being a couple and that this whole Wedding thing has taken over our relationship and we aren't working on us anymore. (WHOA, where did that come from?!?!) So after letting him talk and express to me how he has been feeling, I brought up how I have been trying to get him to come with me to things so he feels involved as well as use them as ocassions to get out of the house. I even plan a Date for us to do before or after to sweeten the deal for him.
I suggested that we make a point of one night a week making it a date night to continue to focus on us and not the wedding (after graduation in 2 weeks when I move home) . He agreed that this would be a good start.
So, during the planning process, what did you do so FI didn't feel like it was all wedding all the time?
It truly kills me that he is feeling this way. I have always done surprises for him so that he knows he is loved and that he is always on my mind and I know I have been slacking (read: not doing it as frequently) on this for a while now (prior to our engagment) and I am making a concious effort to do small surprises for him more frequently.