What do you do when you’re in the midst of planning your wedding and realize that moving forward in that direction could possibly be the biggest mistake of your life? I don’t know. If I could answer that, I wouldn’t feel the way I do today.
I definitely love him but I don’t feel like I’m in love with him. I guess I’ve always felt that way, but never had the nerve to actually put all of my feelings of doubt into such a concise statement. So, why after finally seeing the words in black and white do I continue to feel so bad about them? Is it because I question my feelings and this is just what they call, “cold feet?” I don’t think so, but it could be. I am with someone that actually has a heart of gold and loves me unconditionally. I’ve had such difficult relationships in the past so once I met him; I thought he was the answer to all of my prayers. But, as the days pass, I continue to feel worse. I don’t believe in divorce so I don’t want to go through the motions of having a wedding, just to realize that I’m making a mistake. That is definitely not fair to him and he deserves more than that. I feel like the longer I draw this out and continue not to say anything; I’m wasting his time and mine. There are so many women out there that would give anything to be with a man that loves them unconditionally.
I am getting older (almost 37) and I have prayed for many years for the right man to find me (I’ve never been married.) I know that God doesn’t make mistakes, and inevitably we will both find a lesson and wisdom during the time that we’ve been together. Through prayer, patience, and diligence, we will ultimately both find our God given mates. Although I’m confident in my previous statement, why do I continue to feel so bad? Is it because so many people are involved in our relationship at this time due to the wedding, and I’m ashamed about revealing this information to all of them? Is it telling my fiancé that I don’t want to go through with the wedding? Is it that I’m scared to get back out into the world as a single woman and potentially never meet the one that God has for me? I remember what it was like to be single and I don’t want to go through that again.
Typically, I usually don’t write down my thoughts, but this is an unusual circumstance. I don’t have anyone to confide in about these feelings that are not biased in some way. I wish I could get some feedback, good, bad, or indifferent because right now, I am driving myself crazy. This is such an important decision in my life; I don’t want to make a mistake. Can anyone provide insight into what I’m going through? I’m in the process of reading, “There Goes the Bride: Making Up Your Mind, Calling it Off and Moving On,” but at this point, I am still just as confused as to which step to take next.