ENGAGED but... NOT feeling the love from my family

Re: ENGAGED but... NOT feeling the love from my family

• [Deleted User] member

  

  February 2012

  LOL! Thank You

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  February 2012

  Response to: edielaura
  
  My Fiance and I do not live together and we will not move in together until we are married. I am not sure If i will be going to school some where else ( i doubt it)  but that does not worry me as we have already spoken about the possibility. If we were to get married before and I would have to move away for school he will be moving with me... I wouldn't get married with the intention of living apart.
  
  I appreciate your feedback.

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  February 2012

  Edielaura:
  
  I really appreciate your feedback and I do like hearing from people who have a more experience then me! So again I take your comments as genuine advice and I appreciate it!

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• LadyElite member

  

  February 2012

  WAIT!!! I know you don't want to hear that right now but you're almost 21. Take your time, go to school...SAVE THE MONEY but there is no need to rush into it (you may think it is, but it isn't).
  
  I don't think that your family is not happy for you but they're probably more scared for you than anything...scared that you may not finish school or that you may have a baby too soon. I don't know...call me crazy but looking back, I'm so glad that I waited to do the real grown-up stuff (marriage/babies/house). Just my opinion...
  
  

  

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• snuff9861 member

  

  February 2012

  My parents told my fiancé when he proposed that we would have to wait til I was done school to get married. I'm in first year nursing school and I really did not want to wait 4 more years to get married, we've been together 7 already. We decided to get married this fall, and my parents have been very supportive. That being said, we're both almost 25 and I've been through school once before. Talk to your dad and listen to his side of the story too. 

  October 2012 December Siggy: Favourite Wedding Picture
  

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• brosters

  

  February 2012

  cudos to you for not living together before marriage..i.could never do that

  

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• mandi921vh member

  

  February 2012

  I would wait to plan your wedding until you are done with school. It's a b!tch planning a wedding while going to college.

  
  

  Congrats on your engagement!

  

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  February 2012

  LucyHC:
  
  I would want to get married before starting law school but definitely after finishing my undergrad. I know the first year of law school is crazy, I currently work at a law firm  and hear the stories from previous law students. My aunt and cousin are also attorney's.
  
  I really appreciate your feedback!

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• futuremrswoods9511

  

  February 2012 edited February 2012

  I'm in a similar situation to yours. My parents and grandparents (because they help pay for it) insisted that I finish school before we get married. Thankfully I only have a year left so its not too big of a deal. I definitely think that a compromise could be reached in that you get married after undergrad but before law school. And don't worry about your dad objecting, my aunt has threatened to do the same thing!

  

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• redheadfsu member

  

  February 2012 edited February 2012

  Wait until you finish school.
  
  But, do you really want to go to law school? ...
  
  Many lawyers (myself included) wish we had not gone to law school. Many of us have $100,000 in loans and no job/a low paying job. Law schools are actually getting sued (they are accused of inflating the statistics of employment).  The legal sector will probably take over a decade to recover from the recession.
  
  ETA: I could have got a paralegal degree/certification and been much better off.

  Planning Bio
  Married 9/15/11

  
  *This is Not Legal Advice*

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• jemmini6 member

  

  February 2012

  My plan for myself was that there was no way I'd ever consider getting married before I finished my undergrad, which sounds like is what you are planning too.  Honestly, I think the shock of you being engaged right now is what is scaring your parents, but I bet by the time the wedding comes around and you are finished with school, that they'll be much more excited about everything. 
  
  My only advice is to not really talk about your wedding, or even start planning it yet.  2 years is a LONG time and you probably won't need to start booking anything until about 12 - 15 months out (and even then that's a ways out, but it's not unheard of). 

  
  

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• saraschilling88

  

  February 2012

  Congrats on your engagement!!  My FI and I waited until we were out of college to get engaged (but we were both wanting to wait to make sure we didn't change throughout college), but we know his friend got engaged and married during school and they are currently expecting (I think they are both still in school too) so that may be what your parents are worried about.
  
  You said your FI's parents are divorced? My FI's parents are too, and his Dad told us we were idiots for getting engaged and wanting to get married, he said we were stupid and he didn't really like it.. All in all he has been one of the most supportive of us despite his initial dislike of the idea!! 
  
  So good luck and don't be afraid to get married if that is what you really want, I speak from personal experience that those who have strong initial reactions can come around to the idea and become supportive!!

  

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  February 2012

  Thank you everyone for the feedback! I really appreciate it!

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• rlavach member

  

  February 2012

  It's nice to see someone on here that's young, yet has her mind right. Kudos to you for trying to do what's best. I'm also not moving in with my FI until we're married. It's hard, especially since we just got an apartment that's under my name, but he's living in it. I'm so jealous...

  
  

  I also agree that it's best to finish undergrad first. That was always my grand plan. I wanted to start dating my last semester of undergrad, that way I'd be getting married about 1-2 years after graduating. My master plan just so happen to come to fruition, exactly as I planned it. Kinda weird. I told my FI many times that he has perfect timing because being in school is just not the right time for marriage. At least not for me.

  

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• TinyDancer06 member

  

  February 2012

  I agree with many of the other posters, I think you'll be much happier if you waited a little bit!  Your parents are just concerned about you, and want to be sure you can support yourself, aka finish school, get a job, all of that good stuff.  My FI and I have been together since we were 17 on and off(we've known each other since kindergarten), and we just got engaged over Christmas (we're both 28).  Okay, so it's a tad bit longer than I would've liked haha, but we both went to college, he traveled overseas for work, I got to figure myself out as an adult, we both moved cross country with each other...I am so glad to have had these opportunities as a couple, and as individuals.  We appreciate each other so much more now than we would've if we were a lot younger.  We considered getting married at your age, but glad we waited.  However, weigh all of your options and considerations, even the ones that are hard to admit, and you will make the best decision for you and your fiance from there!  I wish you the best of luck!

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• whinkle863

  

  February 2012

  I think you should at least wait until after undergrad then decide if it feasible to get married. Weddings are expensive and you don't want to go into even more debt (as law school is expensive). That being said, I start vet school in the Fall and am getting married next summer. My fiancé is currently in dental school. We decided we did not want to wait another 4 years to get married, as we have already dated for 6. However, I've worked full-time through school and we have managed to save money so we are able to afford the wedding. So you two just have to decide what your priorities are and if the financial burden is feasible for you now, or after school. Hope that helps.

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• Miranda2911 member

  

  February 2012

  Hmm, everyone who is arguing that Jeannette should wait until after law school might be forgetting that they do not live together. If you feel very strongly that you should not live together before getting married, you'd have to wait six years or so before actually beginning your lives together! I have plenty of friends who are married while in grad school or law school, and far from being a distraction, they are able to help out supporting the person in school. (I don't just mean with money. I have a manly-man male friend who has cheerfully taken on doing all the housework and cooking because his wife works AND attends classes.)
  
  Soemtimes epople's perceptions of whether you are too young has more to do with themselves than with you. Though my bf and I have been dating for four years...and we are both 26...and we are both gainfully employed and doing just fine financially...a few individuals have suggested that we are too young and poor to get married when we talk about our future plans. If you feel like now is the time, and you are a both grown adults, I think you should follow your heart. :-) But, the caveat is that none of us really know you or your FI...

  Miranda "Tea For Teacher" http://teaforteacher.wordpress.com

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  February 2012

  Miranda: I really appreciate your post, finally felt like someone understood! :-)

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• millsalissa member

  

  February 2012

  I think it all depends on your relationship as a couple, your financial situation, and how you handle school. Couples are statistically getting older and older before getting married because they want to finish school, start careers, make a certain amount of money, etc. However, it may also make sense to get married before your law school starts so that you can live together (saves on rent!!) and have the income of two to get you through school. It also depends on how you handle your schoolwork. If it's already stressing you and overwhelming you then I wouldn't advise adding wedding planning on top of it. But if you have the extra time and you're organized enough to handle it then I don't see a reason to wait.

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• Bett2012 member

  

  March 2012

  It completely depends on your values. FI and I are graduating from our 5 year undergrad (includes teachers college) in 2013, but are getting married this May. Waiting was not an option for us as we have been dating for 5 years now and we don't agree that living together before we are married (or being physically intimate) is healthy and beneficial to our relationship, which is opposite to the common view now, I realize. Anyways, for us, it makes sense to get married before we are done undergrad, but that's not for everyone, just like living together before marriage isn't for everyone. One thing I would be careful of if you opt to get married before graduation is babies... I don't see marriage as a threat to getting a degree, but a baby definitely could, though if you're living together before marriage, the risk of that doesn't really change with a legal paper anyways.

  
  

  Good luck on your decisions

  

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• tamaraandgarrett

  

  March 2012

  I am really feeling you pain. We wanted to get married at 18 but were asked to get a degree first. So, I took the fast track to graduate in December. And now, they want us to wait another 4 years so my FI can stay on his parents insurce (he has a heart condition). However, because of a health care reform we can be covered under our parents until 26 no matter our marital status. THis is mostly our safety net because once I find a job I will get benefits. However, it is hard hearing them try to put time limits on our wedding. We love each other and neither of us want to wait but I know we have a long fight ahead. Try to stay strong with it and keep your head up. They will get in line at some point or another!

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