Honeymoon Registries

saturninus · February 2012

Your opinions?

jessicabessica · February 2012

Did you read the sticky at the top of this board? Please read the sticky at the top of this board.

My answer would be a third option: it is rude to ask people to give you money, and, as a guest, if I want to give a gift of money, I am smart enough to figure out how to do it on my own.

hoffse · February 2012

They're tacky and rude. And even if you like the idea, you will have guests who will talk about you behind your back because of it.

Wiscisbliss · February 2012

I don't like the way most of them work.

You register for a couples massage for $200. A guest purchases the couples massage for $200. You get a check from the website for $180 to use however you want. That seems really decietful to me (and also a waste of money - where did that $20 go?).

I don't mind (as much) the registries through specific hotels and resorts where guests actually buy you what you registered for without an additional fee.

freebread03 · February 2012

My opinion is that they are tacky and rude. I do not want to pay for someone else's trip. If I want to give money, I'll give cash and not visit someone's honeymoon registry.

Grits8812 · February 2012

Tacky. If I want them to get money as their gift, I will give them a check or cash, I don't need to be told. Not to mention, like PP said, they have service fees and they just get a check for the amount anyway, so there is no point.

If they want to use the money I gift them on their honeymoon, that is their decision.

em01092 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_honeymoon-registries-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:9a4e1ddf-f7c2-479a-990e-a00be491edcePost:8362ac6b-2fc5-4096-9b14-4968eacd4951">Re: Honeymoon Registries</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't like the way most of them work. You register for a couples massage for $200. A guest purchases the couples massage for $200. You get a check from the website for $180 to use however you want. That seems really decietful to me (and also a waste of money - where did that $20 go?). I don't mind (as much) the registries through specific hotels and resorts where guests actually buy you what you registered for without an additional fee.
Posted by Wiscisbliss[/QUOTE]

<div>This. I am not offended by the concept of them themselves, but rather that these HM registry companies take a cut. It's better for them AND for you if you just avoid the HM registry and let people write you checks. </div><div>
</div><div>If you make a very small traditional registry, usually people will get the hint. If people ask, you can have your family/BMs mention that you have a small registry at_____ and you are trying to save for your HM. This would not be rude because they asked. </div>

MNVegas · February 2012

Rude! Asking for cash in any form is inappropriate.

Most HM registries charge fees either to you or your guests. You are also deceiving your guests by giving them the impression that they are buying you an actual gift when in fact you are receiving a check from the HM registry.

naomikb · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_honeymoon-registries-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:9a4e1ddf-f7c2-479a-990e-a00be491edcePost:8362ac6b-2fc5-4096-9b14-4968eacd4951">Re: Honeymoon Registries</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>I don't like the way most of them work. You register for a couples massage for $200. A guest purchases the couples massage for $200. You get a check from the website for $180 to use however you want. That seems really decietful to me (and also a waste of money - where did that $20 go?). I don't mind (as much) the registries through specific hotels and resorts where guests actually buy you what you registered for without an additional fee. </strong>
Posted by Wiscisbliss[/QUOTE]
I agree with all of this.

You are inviting me to your wedding. I am going to give you a gift. I get to pick what it is... maybe something off your registry, but probably cash. I'd rather give you cash that you spend on your HM or house reno than give you a "beach massage" and then you use it to help cover your flight because you didn't save up enough for your HM before the wedding.

Danny&Mel2003 · February 2012

I had a friend who registered her bridal shower with her cruiseline she was taking for the honeymoon, of course you had the option to give her another gift, I thought that was fine and am considering it for mine as well. It was not a honeymoon registry per se. For her actual wedding I gave her cash though.

Viczaesar · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_honeymoon-registries-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:9a4e1ddf-f7c2-479a-990e-a00be491edcePost:116ba085-6f5e-4245-97fe-da4d63b65bc2">Re: Honeymoon Registries</a>:
[QUOTE]I had a friend who registered her bridal shower with her cruiseline she was taking for the honeymoon, of course you had the option to give her another gift, I thought that was fine and am considering it for mine as well. It was not a honeymoon registry per se. For her actual wedding I gave her cash though.
Posted by Danny&Mel2003[/QUOTE]
That's inappropriate. Showers are for physical presents.

Tandra&Devin · February 2012

I'll really just have to disagree and say I don't think they're tacky at all. To me, asking for assistance paying for a honeymoon is no different than asking for items to stock a home. If people are going to give you cash anyway, what's the big deal? I've set up a honeymoon registry since we can't use but a few traditional gifts (still have roommates and no space!), and I don't plan to be deceitful and use it for anything else than the intended purpose.

And as for the wedding companies taking a cut, how is that really different than other companies tripling costs to make a profit, or guests having to pay taxes, shipping, and handling on top of the gift price?

Traditionally, showers are for physical gifts, but if no one the bride is close to is offended, why worry? Traditionally, those gifts were also a dowry -- a payment to the groom for taking the bride. Things change and being too uptight about etiquette rules just gives more chances for someone to get in a huff.

CasieAran · February 2012

I find myself in the middle of this debate. I agree that it's not any different than asking for an item for my home. However, I did not like any of the services we looked at. I didn't want to ask my guests to put credit card information into a website I didn't know was trustworthy.

On our wedding website, we linked to a small registry at Macy's (dinnerware, small appliances), but also explained that we would appreciate contributions to the Honeymoon. We listed where we wanted to go, and things we want to do that people could contribute to. We also stressed we don't expect a gift of any kind, in the hopes people wouldn't feel pressured in any way. For us, it seemed like the right balance, but everyone has their own comfort level.

Sportzchck · February 2012

I agree with CasieAran. I personally was not comfortable with the idea of a honeymoon registry and didn't like the idea of someone purchasing a massage or romantic dinner for myself and my finace. I think that in itself is a little weird.

Also I think it's in poor taste to ask for cash on any wedding website. If you are hoping for monetary gifts over physical gifts, you can try to drop hints through smaller physical registries. Also guests will often ask fellow guests, parents of the bride or groom or wedding party members for ideas when the registries are small.

People are smart and if they haven't been to many weddings, they know people who have and can easily get advice.

jaso2012 · February 2012

I'm going to be in the minority here, too, but I really don't think honeymoon registries are tacky if you're up front with guests about what they are when asked. Also, you need to use the money you're given for what guests intend for it to be used for! This is what we're doing with our honeymoon registry, and I think it's going to work out just fine. As for the fees, the people who run the registries have to keep them up and running somehow, and those who buy physical gifts pay taxes and, likely, shipping, as well.

Also, I definitely don't think it's appropriate to ask guests to pay for your entire honeymoon if you can't afford one. A honeymoon registry should be used to give guests the option to augment a honeymoon you can already afford to go on and pay for!

micls · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_honeymoon-registries-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:9a4e1ddf-f7c2-479a-990e-a00be491edcePost:c0e2d0a7-1cbb-4c5f-becb-2a76299a6f7c">Re: Honeymoon Registries</a>:
[QUOTE]Traditional registries fly under the radar because: They are a wish list only. Nobody has to use it. They aren't a request for other people's money. Registry info is only provided when requested by the guest.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

To clarify in advance, I'm not a fan of honeymoon registries, or registries in general, but on the points above:

1)As is the honeymoon registry
2)Of course they are. They're asking for someone to spend money on you.
3)As is the honeymoon registry.

Traditional registries fly under the radar because they're traditional. People are used to it, so it's ok. I don't see a big difference between them and honeymoon ones. The main difference I do see is the deceit in honeymoon registries. People think they're buying you something in particular and they're not. That annoys me. If you want to in any way suggest a gift to your guests, be completely honest about it.

I do agree with the point that honeymoon registries are completely unnecessary. People know fully well, without help, how to give a couple money if they wish to do so. Unlike traditional registries where it can be a guide to make things a bit easier for guests.

micls · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_honeymoon-registries-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:9a4e1ddf-f7c2-479a-990e-a00be491edcePost:d58ec611-1504-40b0-b4fa-d7514ee4936f">Re: Honeymoon Registries</a>:
[QUOTE]Traditional registries are for household items, NOT a direct request for CASH. They don't say, "Give us your money." It's accepted that a couple needs certain items to set up their home. Honeymoons are not necessities. Lots of couples already have established households when they marry. They can still look for things to upgrade or replace. That's not an excuse for people to say, "I want some of your money. Open up your wallet."
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

Nope, they're not a direct request for cash, they're a direct request for gifts. I don't see much of a difference bar the practicalities of it.

In this day and age, most couples live together before marriage and have a home. The vast majority of things on traditional registries aren't any more necessary than a honeymoon is.

I agree, I would never agree with anyone asking a guest for cash. But then again, I don't agree with asking a guest for anything, but that's just me. Registries aren't the norm where I'm from, so to me, all registries seem in the same vein. The differences being the practicalities mentioned in my original post.

itsmeariane · February 2012

I don't think there's anything wrong with using a honeymoon registry.
Listen ladies, some people are POOR. Not everyone can afford a $25000 wedding and a $5000 honeymoon. Maybe for some people, it suits them to have a small backyard wedding and accept donations for a honeymoon.
For all the commenters saying how tacky they think it is- I bet there are things about your wedding that people will find tacky. Maybe they will think your dress is ugly, or your colors are stupid, or your ceremony is outdated, but you don't care because it is YOUR wedding and you can do whatever you want.
Well it's 2012. Times have changed. People live together before marriage and some people don't want THINGS. They want memories.
Call it what you like, but just because you choose to trap yourselves in old traditions doesn't mean other brides have to. People no longer accept dowry, women aren't expected to be virgins, and people don't want toasters! It's just a sign of the times.
Live and let live.

micls · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_honeymoon-registries-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:9a4e1ddf-f7c2-479a-990e-a00be491edcePost:752c4885-08e8-4af4-8740-391a657d6e26">Re: Honeymoon Registries</a>:
[QUOTE]Traditional registries are just a wish list. The honeymoon and house registries are asking your guests to pay for your vacation or home. That's the difference.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

We obviously aren't going to agree on this. Traditional registries are a wishlist for gifts. Honeymoon/house registries are a wishlist for cash. This may be a defining difference to you, but I don't see much of a difference. Either way it's a wish for guests to spend their cash on you somehow.

But, we come from different backgrounds. You come from a tradition where traditional registries are the norm and accepted. I don't.

What I'd wonder is hwo etiquette viewed traditional registries when they were first conceived in America. At a guess, I'd imagine they were seen with similar scorn as other registries are now. It'l also be interesting to see in 50years how nontraditional registries are treated in comparison to now, if they become more traditional.

itsmeariane · February 2012

Stuffy attitudes are tackiest of all.

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