So Grandpa told me today that he "can't in good conscience attend an event at which his daughter is not welcome". My Mom threw a fit because she hasn't been invited to anything by any of her siblings (not an exaggeration - never ever) and yet her father has gone to those events without qualms for years. I simply told my Grandpa that I value our close friendship that we've enjoyed, and that it would be a real shame if this is how he chooses to proceed. Because if he skips my wedding out of protest because my aunt is not invited, who I do not like and is not part of my life, then I simply don't know if we'll be able to get past that. The ball is in his court now. I think it was an empty threat on his part, but it's his decision and I won't be bullied or guilted into it.
For all of you who are going to say, "Well, just invite her then if it'll make him happy!" it's a lot more complicated than that. If she comes, my Grandma won't come. They haven't spoken in over 20 years. If I really liked my aunt, I'd tell Grandma the same thing - it's her choice, though I think in that case if she told me she couldn't handle it, I wouldn't hold it against her for not attending. But with my Grandpa, I have included him in my life for years - phone calls every week, visits several times a year. My aunt has always been incredibly self-absorbed and selfish, and she has never included my family in anything. My grandparents spend every holiday with us or by themselves - my aunt never invites them. She's been rude to my grandparents and regularly treats my grandma (not her mother that she doesn't talk to, her step-mother - my grandpa's wife) like a personal servant for her family every time they visit. It's not even that he wants Susan there - it's that he wants the image of the perfect family to rub in my Grandma's face, and he's angry that Susan isn't invited simply because my Grandma will be happy about that and he wants my Grandma to be miserable. Seriously, after 40 years of being divorced, you'd think they would have moved on.
Honestly, I'm at peace with the situation, though it makes me sad. It's his choice. Though I do know that my Mom will never forgive him if he doesn't get over this quick, I don't know that our relationship would ever be the same if he skips my wedding, and I'm pretty darn sure my father would never want my grandpa in his house again if he snubs us like that after the close relationship we've all shared for years. But yeah, that's his choice.
I'm still kind of hurt and want to cry a bit. I mean, why is my Grandpa doing this to me? I'm just sort of bewildered by the whole thing. Warm fuzzies, anyone? A pat on the back? Insight that I'm missing on how to handle this?
