Is asking for gifts ok?

lovliermissliz · October 2010

My "wedding" will actually be a couple days off of my 10th anniversary. My husband and I eloped. We never had a party or anything. About 5 people gave us something. I was wondering if people would be angry if I registered for gifts. On one hand, I think it wouldn't hurt. If people wanted to get us gifts, they would know what to buy. A bunch of people said they wouldn't buy us anything until we had some form of wedding/party. I just don't want people to come out and attack me for being selfish or greedy since wedding gifts are "to help set up the new couple with household items".

kanterkowal · October 2010

Oh no....Please don't do any of the above! What is so wrong with hosting a party to celebrate your 10th Anniversary? That's a fantastic milestone, congrats!

Jelenny · October 2010

agreed that is tacky

amykarrow · October 2010

agreed, this would definently be frowned upon.

Jules08 · October 2010

Oh my, I hope this is MUD, but in the event that it is not: NO, do not register, do not have a "wedding"

Just because you eloped, didn't have a party, and only 5 people gave you something does not mean you get a do-over on your 10th anniversary.

You may consider inviting people to go out and celebrate with you or even witness a vow renewal. In either of these scenarios, you should not register for gifts: that is beyond tacky and gift grabby.

kijpost · October 2010

I don't think there is any harm in setting up a registry but you cannot ASK for gifts. It will just need to be word of mouth if someone asks what they can get you.

Jules08 · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_wisconsin_asking-gifts-ok?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:118Discussion:f603b9bf-d736-4c38-901f-cf8429a72f8ePost:8127f53c-30a3-47ee-96e5-9a45b1b25273">Re: Is asking for gifts ok?</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't think there is any harm in setting up a registry but you cannot ASK for gifts. It will just need to be word of mouth if someone asks what they can get you.
Posted by kijpost[/QUOTE]

I highly dissagree. I don't think it is ever acceptable to register for your 10 year anniversary.

kanterkowal · October 2010

This is soooo not a "Wedding". If anyone showed up, they are coming to mock this spectacle. Nobody registers for their anniversary. This is crazy, crazy tacky. Please forget all of this nonsense, and go on a romantic weekend getaway with your husband with the funds that you would have spent a fake wedding charade.

SweetCharade · October 2010

Honestly the most I would even think to bring to a 10 year anniversary party (which is really what you would be having since you can't really have a wedding since you're already married) would be something along the lines of a nice bottle of wine or a gift card to the couple's favorite restaurant or something like that. If I saw a registry for something like your party, I would think that the only reason the party was being held was for gifts...then I probably wouldn't go at all.

lovliermissliz · October 2010

It pretty much a vow renewal and party. I was just wondering. To be called tacky and greedy.....well, I'm actually crying. I've learned my lesson about posting and execting helpful advice.

LittleKatie13 · October 2010

I understand being sensitive-I am too, but keep in mind no one has called YOU tacky or greedy, they called setting up a registry for a 10th anniversary party tacky and greedy-which you were already afraid of it being. So, to answer the very end of your original post, yes, it could definitely look greedy to set up a registry. Unfortuntely, you didn't get wedding gifts because eloping and there's no way to "redo" that.

You CAN have a really lovely vow renewal with a party afterwards. If a significant number of people approach you about what you'd like as a gift, then I would say that you can set up a "wish list" NOT a registy. Lots of stores do wish lists in addition to registries. You can tell those people who specifically ask that you have a SMALL wish list. I'd so no more than 10 relatively inexpensive items. Sure, if every thing is bought, add more.

But honestly, I don't think anyone is ever even going to ask. I know. It's a bummer that you don't get to have the wedding of your dreams, but that's how the cookie crumbles.

On a final note, no one was mean, no one was even all that harsh for TK. It's a public message board and people are going to be honest when you ask questions. And you got a lot of helpful advice, just because you didn't like it doesn't mean it isn't helpful.

Sorry for the novel.

lovliermissliz · October 2010

I was responding mostly to kanter. They told me that people would only come to mock me and that it is "crazy tacky".

lovliermissliz · October 2010

I also wanted to point out that I wouldn't "require" gifts. It was more along the lines of: IF you want to get a gift, here are some ideas.

kanterkowal · October 2010

Eek! I wasn't calling you crazy tacky, just the notion. Just trying to help you find ways to celebrate your anniversary without running into ridicule IRL, not trying to be a meanie at all. Better to hear it now (and by strangers) than later when you have plunked down a pile of $$$ on a potentially embarassing day. Vow renewal or anniversary dinner sound like great ideas!

ETA- When I say anniversary dinner, I guess that I should clarify that to be understood as a dinner with one or possibly two more couples as guests. A huge party for 10th Anniv would seem really off as well.

Jelenny · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_wisconsin_asking-gifts-ok?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:118Discussion:f603b9bf-d736-4c38-901f-cf8429a72f8ePost:8127f53c-30a3-47ee-96e5-9a45b1b25273">Re: Is asking for gifts ok?</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't think there is any harm in setting up a registry but you cannot ASK for gifts. It will just need to be word of mouth if someone asks what they can get you.
Posted by kijpost[/QUOTE]

Yeah still not ok....

OP how can you NOT be established after 10 years....wedding gifts are to help couples get started (edit - again gifts are NOT expected but have come to be the norm)

Jules08 · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_wisconsin_asking-gifts-ok?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:118Discussion:f603b9bf-d736-4c38-901f-cf8429a72f8ePost:c802f7d4-4b3a-419f-8aa0-775f0fef0afb">Re: Is asking for gifts ok?</a>:
[QUOTE]It pretty much a vow renewal and party. I was just wondering. To be called tacky and greedy.....well, I'm actually crying. I've learned my lesson about posting and execting helpful advice.
Posted by lovliermissliz[/QUOTE]

Oh good lord. No one called YOU tacky, just the ideas that you presented. Remember we can only comment on the information that you put out there...in your OP you called it a "wedding" NOT a vow renewal and you wanted to register for it. We all said, no, bad idea. No one was all that snarky about it either.

Helpful advice = honest advice, NOT validation of your ideas.

It was a good thing you asked here instead of just jumping in and going forward with it in real life. If these are the answers you got from people on the internet, just imagine what friends and family would have thought.

agarbi01 · October 2010

Just something off the wall. I had a friend that got married at the court house and on her first anniversary she and her husband had a church wedding. She had a very lovely reception at a nearby hotel and yes she called it her wedding. There were not a lot of people that knew about the marriage until the wedding invites went out for the church "wedding". In that regard they were getting married in the eyes of God when before they were only married in the eyes of the State.

If you want to have a nice ceremony and have a wonderful party afterwords for your 10 anniversary I say go for it! If you want to invite your family and friends, go for it!.. My family totals about 230 people (my mom has 14 brothers and sisters and most of them are grandparents) so if you want to invite everyone, go for it. Those who are able to make it will come. Just make sure you call it your vow renewal and reception. I'm not sure how much you could do though with big wedding dresses...that part I would tone way down...maybe a nice simple dress (it wouldn't even have to be white) but I would have it be tea length instead of full length. Try to go more casual. I would probably write "no gifts" on the invitation though because this should be about celebrating with your family and friends. If you have kids I would also incorporate them into the ceremony.

In my family something like this would be attended by most of my relatives that live within 2-3 hours from the location of the party... it would not have the same amount of turnout as a "wedding" would.
Ok... thats my two cents.

Is asking for gifts ok?

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