Interracial/Cultural Wedding Question – Help!

Re: Interracial/Cultural Wedding Question – Help!

• artbyallie mod

  

  May 2011

  If you are not doing a rehearsal, a rehearsal dinner is not a necessity. However, if you do wish to have one, you should invite the same 'levels' of family. For example, if his aunts/uncles come, yours do to. If you want to cut off the guest list at, say, parents/grandparents and siblings, then he can't invite his cousins.  Ultimately, though, whoever hosts the RD gets the final say over the guestlist for it.

  

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• emmmbeee member

  

  May 2011

  RD invites typically go out to the wedding party, parents, grandparents, immediate family members AND out-of-town guests if your budget allows it.  So if FI's extended family are flying in for the wedding, then they should be invited to the RD.  It's a gesture to show how much you appreciate the fact that they traveled so far to share in the festivities.
  
  However, I can see your delimma.  Are the extended family members only going to be in town for those few nights?  Is it possible to have some sort of relaxed get together (like a backyard BBQ) at someone's house a few nights before the wedding instead of a formal, sit-down rehearsal dinner?  And then you could do the rehearsal dinner with just your immediate family the night before?

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• Avion22 member

  

  May 2011

  Rehearsal dinners no NOT have to include all of your OOT guests.  
  
  However, the issue here is that it's important for your fiance to have his family there.   If they are all there, you think your family members are going to feel....outnumbered?  Left out?   Uncomfortable?    I mean, I guess you could invite more people from "your side", but it sounds like you just have a smaller family than he does?   
  
  Honestly, I think you should honor your fiance's wishes on this one.  It's important to him and to his family.   I think you can tell your family ahead of time that they are going to be meeting a LOT of your fiance's family at the RD, and maybe try to prep them so they know who is who and how everyone is related.   It would be a great opportunity for your family to get to know more about his family and his culture.     
  
  If you're worried about the cost of inviting his OOT family, then scale down the dinner....do something less expensive like an outdoor picnic or something. 

  

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• vlevitt

  

  May 2011

  i echo the pp who said it's important to honour your FI's wishes and family traditions.  i had a similar problem at my wedding, where FI's friends and family outnumbered mine.  i was nervous about it, (and jealous, if i'm completely honest), but we went ahead and it was great.
  
  we also did not do a rehearsal, as it's not Jewish tradition, but did have a series of dinners and events so people could meet each other. you may want to plan a way for people to get your family and theirs mixing, say trivia questions at the table? Or, can you have seperate bride/groom events the night before?  it's customary in some cultures for the bride and groom not to see each other for a few days before the wedding.  this can go for the families as well.  the two of you could rotate between both events etc. 
  
  but, i just think you should have an OOT event, and whomever is from OOT gets invited. 
  
  v.
  

  
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• Soon2BeMrsTing

  

  May 2011

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_interracialcultural-wedding-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:98cd8b0d-a3fc-4b19-8d17-9a17e564d516Post:395bd1b7-e2a2-48c9-9440-a63eb5b63c4a">Re: Interracial/Cultural Wedding Question – Help!</a>:
  [QUOTE]i echo the pp who said it's important to honour your FI's wishes and family traditions.  i had a similar problem at my wedding, where FI's friends and family outnumbered mine.  i was nervous about it, (and jealous, if i'm completely honest), but we went ahead and it was great. we also did not do a rehearsal, as it's not Jewish tradition, but did have a series of dinners and events so people could meet each other. you may want to plan a way for people to get your family and theirs mixing, say trivia questions at the table? Or, can you have seperate bride/groom events the night before?  it's customary in some cultures for the bride and groom not to see each other for a few days before the wedding.  this can go for the families as well.  the two of you could rotate between both events etc.  but, <strong>i just think you should have an OOT event, and whomever is from OOT gets invited. </strong>
  
  This is pretty much what we did- we jut invited everyone, and had a casual pizza and wings dinner at the church.  DH only had three family members there total, including on the day of the wedding, as everyone wlse is in Taiwan.
  
  
  Posted by vlevitt[/QUOTE]

  Long Overdue Married Bio

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• Soon2BeMrsTing

  

  May 2011 edited May 2011

  This is pretty much what we did- we just invited everyone, and had a casual pizza and wings dinner at the church.  DH only had three family members there total, including on the day of the wedding, as everyone else is in Taiwan.
  
  Sorry- stupid TK. Also, edited for spelling.

  Long Overdue Married Bio

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• marinabreeze

  

  May 2011

  I think PPs gave good advice.  I just wanted to say that if you wanted more advice or ideas, you might want to check out the Interracial Wedding board (under "cultural" boards), some of the ladies there may be able to give you additional insight.

  Wedding Photos and Vendor Recs 6 August 2011

  

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• pharmys4

  

  May 2011

  You should invite at least the out of town family members to the rehersal dinner. That would make them feel special and included for the festivities to come and give them an opportunity to meet your family. I'm sure that though, your family is smaller, will have a great time getting to know all of his larger family.
  
  The con of not inviting the family memebers to the rehersal dinner is that they'll feel like you didn't care that they came out from where ever they travelled for your wedding to celebrate with you and feel kinda discluded. This happened to us. We are invited to (Persian/American) Wedding and It's my cousin and we're from out of town(TX going to PA), flying in a day early, staying an extra day, and we aren't to the rehersal dinner. You could imagine how upset my Dad was when he found out; not nec about the dinner, but the fact we are being discluded. So my suggestion, invite everyone, no one's will get upset with you, and just make it a simpler event.
  

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