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What do you do when BMs don't like their dress...

Maybe I am overly sensitive about this, but I figured I would ask some other brides' opinions...I chose my BM dresses a few weeks ago on a trip to Mariella's with my 2 sisters/maids of honor. I didn't have my other 4 BMs involved in that first trip to Mariella's becuase most of them are out-of-state and I figured I would choose the BM dress based on what me and my 2 sisters liked. My other 4 BMs said they were fine with that, and I could choose whatever I wanted. So I chose a dress that I liked and my sisters/MOHs also liked....and told the other 4 BMs that they could order online or go to Mariella's and get measured/try on the sample. Well, 3 of them went to Mariella's this past weekend to get measured, and when I asked what they thought about the dress, they weren't overly excited. They said "It's ok" and they complained that the sample size didn't fit them properly. It's a sample! Anyways. Maybe I am just venting but I wanted to ask....has anyone had this reaction from some of their BMs? Did you sympathize with them even though it's your wedding and you should choose the BM dress that you want? I know I should just brush it off and say, tough luck, this is what I want for my wedding....but I can't help being a little upset about their reaction! At least lie to me and say you love it! Anyone else run into this issue?

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Re: What do you do when BMs don't like their dress...

  • edited December 2011
    I think a lot of times we love the dress and they just don't. I have lots of friends that have worn the dress the bride loved and they loathed,  but they wore it with a smile b/c the bride picked it.
    Maybe they will like it when they see it in their size.

    I'm sorry I don't have much more, I let the girls pick out their own dresses, so they love them.
  • edited December 2011
    I would at first make sure it's not a fitting problem. For instance, none of your girls are well-endowed in the chest and you're asking them to wear a strapless dress, or someone's uncomfortable with it being too short in the skirt. 

    If it's not a problem like that, and they just simply aren't in love with the dress... I don't see why you can't ask them to wear it anyway. Yes, you might feel bad, but when you ask multiple people to wear the same dress, you're going to have some people that like it and some people that don't. You can't please everyone. 
  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    Well, keep in mind that you're asking them to spend money on the dress.  If it's an ill-fitting sample it may not be a big deal or it may be a problem.

    Have they been BMs before?  Do they know that BM dresses need to be altered to fit correctly so they won't get a great fit off the rack?

    Or is the issue beyond the fit?

    Yes, it's your wedding but if they have some really serious issues with the dress (body comfort issues for example) then maybe take a trip with them and see if there are other options.  After all, they are buying this for you.
  • edited December 2011
    For my wedding, I picked out the designer, color and fabric but the bridemaids got to pick their own style. After the wedding two of the bridemaids complained that they didn't like their dresses even though they were the one that picked out the style (there were 25 styles to choose from). You can't please everyone especially with a big wedding party. The only thing you can do now is to find out exactly why they don't like the dress, if it's a body image issue then you might have to be more considerate of their feelings. 
  • lfreeman24lfreeman24 member
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited December 2011

    This may be a bit blunt but at the end of the day chances are you were also a bridesmaid in their wedding or will be, and have had to purchase a dress you didn't love as well. I agree with the girls about sample dresses maybe not fitting well, or if a girl requires a strap in order for her to be comfortable. You're never going to please all your maids, especially if they are built differently.

    I sympathize with them from the standpoint that I have bought bridesmaid dresses i didn't LOVE, but from a bride point of view they'll get over it!

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  • edited December 2011
    I did the same thing as you... went with my MOH to mariella's we picked out the girls dresses. they all went to get measured after the dress was picked. now to be fair, i also have 4 bridesmaids and they are all the same size give or take 10 lbs.

    I think that is fine.. your weddiing is your vision. if the dresses are reasonably priced and you didn't pick an unflattering cute i think it is your decision. they may not love the dress, but they don't have too! you do :)
  • rswan412rswan412 member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I agree with PP- is it the fit they didn't love? Could you maybe give us a pictures to go off of? If it's just a matter of one BM having straps to feel comfortable, maybe all could go with straps. Or maybe, it just fit funny. I have tried on dresses before and hated them, tried them in the next size down or up, and then loved them.

    Be kind to them and figure out what the issue is, but at the end of the day, if they just don't like the style, it's your wedding. I've only been in one wedding, the dress was nice but only wearable once.
  • jacki8788jacki8788 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    agree with PPs--you can't please everyone! But do any of the other 4 BMs have drastically different body types than your sisters? A dress may look great on one person, and horrible on another. I found that out... my sister tried on a few dresses and we found 2 that looked great. We brought the rest of the girls to the store yesterday, and one of the 2 dresses looked really unflattering on all the other girls--just because they are all different shapes/sizes. We found one that looks decent on everyone, luckily. I'm sure they all don't love it, but if you want everyone to match and they're all different sizes, there's no way everyone's going to love it. Plus, even if it fits, everyone has a different style--which makes it twice as hard to please everyone.

    As long as it fits/can be easily altered, looks decent, and isn't over their budget, don't worry about it! :)
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  • edited December 2011
    Thanks for all your input ladies! You're right about needing a visual in order to give advice on this one....so I included a pic here. The dress is a pretty basic cut, and it will be in the color black. Nothing flashy, right? I liked the fact that it's not too low cut and not too short. I didn't do anything strapless because 4 of my girls are bigger in the bust and I wanted them to be comfortable. The other 2 girls are tall and thin, and I figured that this dress would also look good on a tall/thin bodytype. Thoughts? Does anyone think this is a wacky choice? I thought it was pretty basic but maybe I'm crazy! It's affordable too...under $175 which I think is good for a BM dress these days!

    I told my BMs that they could wear any black shoes that they want, do their hair/makeup however they want, and wear any jewelry they want (within reason...obviously I wouldn't want them wearing huge crazy jewelry and thigh-high boots! But none of them would do that anyways). I figure that if they aren't thrilled with the dress, I could at least give them the option to choose their own shoes, accessories, hairstyle, etc..




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  • edited December 2011
    I really like the dress! It's simple but elegant and you can definitely wear it again. But I can see how some people wouldn't like it since it's conservative. 
  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    I thnk it's very nice but keep in mind that they're going to need to spend extra money on an undergarment to wear with it.  I don't know many women who go braless by choice and there's no way you can go braless in that if you're well endowed.  That means they need to either get a convertible bra with a strap that goes low around the back or they'll need to buy a corset-type backless bra that hooks low.   Both types are somewhat expensive as far as bras go.

    Did they give a budget beforehand?  The price isn't awful but at $175, unless alterations are included, they're probably going to be spending over $200.  That may push them over the limit they want to spend or it may be fine.

    The rest of your ideas sound great though. 
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