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Pushy FMIL.. Sorry this is long!

sarahmi5308sarahmi5308
First Comment
in Pre-wedding Parties
Ok, this is all going to sound ridiculous... But I'm sure some of you ladies have dealt/are dealing with this!

Background:
My fiance's brother got married in July, him and his wife are very flashy, she loves parties, everything constantly needs to be about her. She had a HUGE engagement party (150 people), 3 bridal showers etc.
I am quite the opposite, I don't like lots of attention, need huge parties.

My FMIL wants to throw an engagement party. She called and spoke to my mom about it before asking me. My mom told her she had to ask me if it was ok before doing it. I gave the ok under the condition it was small, cocktails only. They spoke and my FMIL said she would get in touch with my mom so they could plan it together. I guess my FMIL sent my sister (also my MOH) a message on facebook asking for help with invitations and a guest list this weekend. I guess she never contacted my mom. Needless to say my mom is very upset, and I am of course in the middle of it. I told my mom I don't want drama (I know it is inevitable). My mom is going to email my FMIL to try to deal with it.

I know my FMIL is very pushy, so I think my FH and I need to sit down and have a discussion, laying down the ground rules. My FMIL had asked about what my preference was for a bridal shower (mind you, we are getting married Oct 13, 2012) if we wanted a couple small ones or one big one. I told her I wanted one big one, but my sister (MOH) would be taking care of it.


AGH!
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Re: Pushy FMIL.. Sorry this is long!

  • marissa_clairemarissa_claire member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    To explain it nicely, if she is planning all these parties in your honor, and she's paying for them, then she gets to basically say what goes in and what comes out.  I do think it was rude to snub your mom in the e-party planning, but if I were in your shoes I would just go back to her and politely decline the e-party.   Just because she wants to throw these parties doesn't mean you're under an obligation to go and put up with some huge shindig you don't want.  

    Now, bear in mind that you don't get much say in these parties except for the guest list.  So if she has a huge blowout shower in mind, and you politely decline, odds are she will ask why.  That's when you can say "Well, I'd prefer an intimate shower with my nearest and dearest, not the socialite gala event of the year."  She can either take the hint or she just won't throw you a shower / other pre-wedding party.

    Let your sister go ahead and plan one big shower, you can choose to invite FMIL's family/friends (if you wish) and decline any other showers.
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  • sarahmi5308sarahmi5308
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thanks ladies!!! :-)
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  • kathrynfwalkerkathrynfwalker
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I am planning a shower for a friend at the office. I am sure when it gets closer to her wedding, her family/MOH will have a shower for her, but I will learn from your concerns about your pushy FMIL. I will keep it small and sweet, basically lunch and lingerie. I only invited the people I know she is close with from work (9, including me). Thanks for the insight, I will do my best to keep the focus on her, and leave the rest to her MOH. Smile
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