How do I include my future stepdaughter in the ceremony?

Re: How do I include my future stepdaughter in the ceremony?

• ericaandtom2012 member

  

  December 2012

  She could stand on your FI's side or do a reading.  Or if she's musically inclined, she could sing or play a piece of music.  

  
  

  Have you talked to her to see what she would be comfortable with?  Does your FI have any opinions on how he'd like his daughter to participate?

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• Jen4948 member

  

  December 2012

  I'd ask her if she'd like to be in the wedding, and then talk to her and your FI about what her role could be.  Whatever you do, don't push something on her if they indicate that it isn't what either of them wants.

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• kmmssg mod

  

  December 2012

  Can I ask why you don't want her to be a bridesmaid?

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• Lisa50 member

  

  December 2012

  You do not mention your fiance's opinion on including his daughter.  My gut reaction is, especially since you don't see her very often, your fiance should extend an invitation to her to participate as he and she would like.  If he doesn't want to do so -- you should stay out of it.  Just sayin' ...

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• ksalinas128 member

  

  December 2012

  I have two future stepdaughters who also do not live with us for most of the year, summers only, but they will be junior bridesmaids and will be doing unity candle and hand fastenings together to represent a new unit. Their mother got remarried a few years ago and eloped in vegas, the girls were not present for this so i think its extra important they feel included in their father's wedding.

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• sbayless78 member

  

  January 2013

  I have a 10 year-old daughter from my previous marriage, so we are doing a ceremony where we both give her a gift and recognize her as part of the family.  We just got her a sweet little necklace to present to her.  She is also my maid-of-honor, but I think you could do something similar if she is not part of the bridal party. 

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• andpandi member

  

  January 2013

  My step-daughter is walking her dad down the aisle, and she will be participating in a unity sand ceremony with us. Also, she will be doing a reading

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• emyjg2001

  

  January 2013

  I will have two step daughters, as well.  The oldest is 10 (and lives with us full time) and the youngest is 4....The 4 year old is going to be a flower girl, and the 10 year old is really wanting to be a bridesmaid, I thought about having her dress like a jr bm and walk my finace' down the aisle....still not sure yet.

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• bethie86 member

  

  January 2013

  I have two soon to be stepdaughters and a soon to be stepson. we have decided to include the kids by making the younger girl and the boy the flower girl and the ringbearer. the older girl will be 8 when we actually get married so we are going to make her a junior bridesmaid. at first she was a bit disappointed because her younger sister is going to be the flower girl but now that we have told her that the junior bridesmaid is important and explained it to her she is extremely excited about it.
  

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• dkpickett member

  

  January 2013

  We had a similar problem with my now stepson, who is 12 and lives with his mother but with us every other weekend. He was willing to help "escort" my 6 and 8 year old daughters (one is special needs) down the aisle when we first got engaged, then he did an almost immediate about face and didn't want to be involved in the wedding at all. A week and half before the wedding, he changed his mind and wanted to be involved. So yes, it can be tough! 

  
  

  We had decided early to have part of our ceremony involve our kids where we would say something and present them with a gift - necklaces that had symbolic meaning. So that was happening no matter what he said. With the last minute change, I ended up making programs that he was going to hand out, and the night before the wedding, one of our attendants dropped out of the wedding and he ended up being a groomsman. 

  
  

  I would definitely ask what her preference is, but keep something in your back pocket if she changes her mind! You can always add to your ceremony at the last minute - challenging, but doable. Good luck!

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• MelisaLyn member

  

  January 2013

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_how-do-i-include-my-future-stepdaughter-in-the-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:a5d83287-e63e-4243-9d12-1fabb308a411Post:3cfcfbad-1a4f-4e0f-8796-0c668bbb542c">Re: How do I include my future stepdaughter in the ceremony?</a>:
  [QUOTE]Can I ask why you don't want her to be a bridesmaid?
  Posted by kmmssg[/QUOTE]
  When I asked my fiance what part his daughter should have in the wedding he was the first to say he didn't think it would be appropriate for his daughter to be a bridesmaid.
  
  She does not have the patience to sit down or do anything she's asked to do. She can be very disrespectful, even to her parents. She is always trying to move on to the next thing before the first starts. She has been acting up a lot lately and honestly I do not feel like I could rely on her to be there without rolling her eyes the whole time.

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• MelisaLyn member

  

  January 2013

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_how-do-i-include-my-future-stepdaughter-in-the-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:a5d83287-e63e-4243-9d12-1fabb308a411Post:39986f26-2d97-40e6-8c53-dfe8a05a69c2">Re: How do I include my future stepdaughter in the ceremony?</a>:
  [QUOTE]My step-daughter is walking her dad down the aisle, and she will be participating in a unity sand ceremony with us. Also, she will be doing a reading
  Posted by andpandi[/QUOTE]
  I really like this idea. It's something different and very sweet.

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