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Name change Question

housewifehobbiesthousewifehobbiest
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in Wedding Customs & Traditions Forum
First off I'm very attached to my last name, and I'm changing it begrudgingly, but its important to FI that our family shares one last name, and that it's his as he is the last of his line.  I wanted to move my last name to my middle name, but there is an issue- I already have two middle names!  My first middle name is usually linked with my first name, i.e. "Anne Marie" and my second middle name is a family name that has an unusual spelling which I share with my grandmother, aunt, and 4 cousins.  To be honest, I don't really want to drop either, but Anne Marie Luissa Smith Anderson is a bit lengthy.

Any suggestions?  Or stories from people who had a similar issue?
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Re: Name change Question

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    jemmini6jemmini6 member
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    Yikes, that's quite the mouthful.  Would you use all those names on a daily basis?  Or would you normally just go by Anne Marrie Anderson?  Legally, it would be a pain to fill out forms with that many names, but socially it wouldn't be too bad if you just shortened it.  I don't really have any other helpful suggestions as your name is such a personal decision. 

    Good luck!
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    littleluckypennylittleluckypenny member
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    Why are you begrudgingly changing your name?  I'm not changing my name. It doesn't make me any less of a "Smith" (maiden name) if I take my husband's last name.  Also, you said, he is the last of his line, and that's his reasoning for you to have the name.  Sorry (not trying to be mean/rude, but that doesn't change any lines or order, as it's still the same line.  You can always pass the last name to the children, THAT is how it would keep it alive, not through you.

    If you want to change your name, can you opt to hyphenate?  You can also drop the two middle names and move your maiden name up?  Or even decide which middle name you would like to keep and take your husband's name?  So many options Smile.
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    housewifehobbiesthousewifehobbiest
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    Lucky - Not rude at all, and I do love that there are so many options these days for women.  I did think it over for a very long time, but ultimately decided that changing my name is not a hill I want to die on, so I conceded on that one.  When it comes to something I feel very strongly about, like having a secular wedding ceremony, I'm standing my ground. 
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    rlavachrlavach member
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    edited December 2011
    I can't find where it is, but someone just asked a similar question on another board this morning. A knottie, who is also a lawyer, commented that NY is one of the states where you can't make your maiden last name your middle name by marriage. It has to be done by a separate legal name change. 

    So, if this is true, I'd look up the laws first, before trying to make a decision.

    EDIT: AHA! I found it. I believe it was 32Daisies that commented regarding NY law.

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    ElisabethJoanneElisabethJoanne member
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    What rlavach is saying.

    The rules vary by state, and the applicable rules are a combination of the law of the state that issues the marriage license (state where you're married) and the law of the state that issues you driver's license and other state documents. I don't know how many names the feds recognize officially for passports and Social Security. I think my IRS forms just have a first name, last name, and middle initial.
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    Grits8812Grits8812 member
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    i actually know a girl who (at birth) was given 5 names. its not like when you introduce yourself you will be like "oh hey im  Anne Marie Luissa Smith Anderson". I think you should keep your name and add his.  :)
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    toothpastechicatoothpastechica member
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    i would hyphanate the last names...i am changing my name, but because im not at all attached to my current last name and really have no desire to pass it on....but if i didnt want to change it....well FI would have to understand that...rigid gender roles is one of the leading causes of divorce...so i wouldnt want to start my marraige feeling like im pushed into something because of tradition or because "he thinks i need to". I think hyphenating the last name would be a reasonable compromise, you should not be expected to give up your last name and take his if its not what YOU really want to do.

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    Mary Alex SennMary Alex Senn
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    I have a similarish problem-
    I have a double name that comes from my middle name. I can't drop the middle name because then my name won't make since, and I do not want to leave out my family name.
    I'm taking his last name and Will just abbreviate my madein name when I sign.
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    Otherwise I'm going to call myself Mary Alex Kopp.
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    hboo2011hboo2011
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    Mary Alex, I'd suggest getting a new Knot account and not having your real first and last name be your profile name. Too many weirdos out on the internet, don't want to give out any real information.
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    Mary Alex SennMary Alex Senn
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    ahhhh! i didn't even notice! thanks!
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    blush64blush64 member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_name-change-question-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:35c19d30-d617-4a4f-94d1-3f87fdc5d658Post:f8a24324-6f6e-41d8-aef0-7a49f8f2c98b">Name change Question</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>First off I'm very attached to my last name, and I'm changing it begrudgingly, but its important to FI that our family shares one last name, and that it's his as he is the last of his line</strong>.  I wanted to move my last name to my middle name, but there is an issue- I already have two middle names!  My first middle name is usually linked with my first name, i.e. "Anne Marie" and my second middle name is a family name that has an unusual spelling which I share with my grandmother, aunt, and 4 cousins.  To be honest, I don't really want to drop either, but Anne Marie Luissa Smith Anderson is a bit lengthy. Any suggestions?  Or stories from people who had a similar issue?
    Posted by NYCFoodieBride[/QUOTE]

    I think this is really unfair. Last in the line or not, it's not right to pressure you to do something you don't really want to do.

    People have given other options and they are all fine IF you are actually ok with them. If you don't want to change your name you shouldn't have to. Naming your children should also be equally your choice as it is his. He wants them to have his name. If you are ok with that, great. If not, you should speak up.

    Kids can have both names. Any children you have together will be from your line as much as his. (It's 2011)

    He's entitled to what he wants as long as it's ok with you too.

    Compromise is great as long as you aren't the only one doing it.
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    Aks3131Aks3131 member
    First Comment

    NYCFoodieBride - I know how you feel I don't really want to change my name but FI wants me too so I guess I'm giving in and doing it. You should look into NY laws about name change first before you start trying to figure out how you would change your name. You don't want to decide to change your middle name or something like that and then find out you can't.

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    alberttrae23alberttrae23
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    I JUST DNT WANT TO GIVE UP MY LAST NAME BUT I GOT OVER IT I LOVE MY SOON TO BE SO IM JUST GUNNA HAVE TO!!!!!! IMA B MRS CORRALES NO MORE MS MORADO
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    2012FutureMrsB2012FutureMrsB member
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_name-change-question-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:35c19d30-d617-4a4f-94d1-3f87fdc5d658Post:8248aed6-d1b0-4bd1-bd00-6157bbc9d796">Re: Name change Question</a>:
    [QUOTE]I JUST DNT WANT TO GIVE UP MY LAST NAME BUT I GOT OVER IT I LOVE MY SOON TO BE SO IM JUST GUNNA HAVE TO!!!!!! IMA B MRS CORRALES NO MORE MS MORADO
    Posted by alberttrae23[/QUOTE]

    alberttrae, WHY ARE YOU SHOUTING!!!!!??? It's kinda difficult to read all-caps and it appears that you are shouting at everyone, but I don't think that's what you intended.

    Anyway, as for the OP - Just like PP's have said, your children can still take your husband's last name, even if you don't. So your FI's family's argument doesn't really hold up. And you should be able to do want YOU want with your last name, without any guilt-trip from your FI or his family.
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    MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
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    This whole post makes me so sad.  
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