Two Questions!?

irisheyezfsu · May 2010

Has anyone been tempted to just elope? Or has anyone eloped?

Second, what is too young to be married in your opinion, or at what age did you get married? I will be 22 when I am married.

Tsmith7206 · May 2010

I will only be 21 when I get married in 19 Days!!! I think if you know you love someone that is all that matters. My parents got married when my mom was 21 and now 28 years later they are still married

Age is just a number

Pretty Parula · May 2010

LOL at some point in the planning, I asked DH why we didn't just elope. But we never seriously considered it.

Are you sure you want honest answers to the second question?

In general, I'm leery of marriages before the age of, say, 25. People change A LOT even in the few years after college. I was engaged once before, to DD's dad (before we had her!) - we had DD, stayed together for another 18 mo., and I finally called it off. I cannot believe how very different I am now from the girl I was then. There were so many things wrong with that relationship and I'm so much more self-aware now, that guys like him would never hold any interest for me. I think it's good for people to live truly on their own for a while, support themselves, etc. to really become who they're going to be - before settling down. BUT - this is in general. I have met people who got married right after high school, have been married for 20 years, still talk about how in love they are. Some soul mates find each other early and there's no question about it.

What concerns me is that you're asking this question. Take a little while and figure out why you're asking. Is it because you're worried that you might be jumping into marriage too soon, or is it because a lot of people (like your mom, for instance) are telling you that you're too young?

Sometimes 'all those other people' are wrong and you should ignore them, but when it comes to marriages, I think a lot of times 'those other people' are speaking some hard truth to hear. There's just a lot to consider when you're deciding honestly whether you should listen to that sort of talk. Do you and your mom/these other people generally see eye to eye about things? Are you close with anyone who's bringing the issue up, and do you generally feel like they know you pretty well? Are these people generally right about things concerning you, even if you don't agree or want to admit it? If you can honestly answer yes to those questions and they're suggesting this might be too soon, maybe you do need to consider what they're saying and do some deep soul-searching.

That's a really tough thing to think about, and I hope I didn't offend you, but this sort of question is best answered honestly. And perhaps you and your FI won't really be able to address that sort of thing objectively, so seeing a couples' counselor (or your university counseling folks) could be helpful. I sincerely hope that you've found your soul mate and that your questions are needless fretting. But I bet if that's the case, he won't object to deeper probing of your relationship and it will just affirm the bond you two have, so it's a win-win situation. GL

ericak926 · May 2010

What she said! I have nothing to add.

irisheyezfsu · May 2010

haha ladies I am not questioning my choice in my FI he is my best friend and soul mate. I learned the hard way at an early age about choosing the wrong men. I didn't plan on meeting anyone when I met my now FI and we have been together ever since, through 3 years of long distance (due to FI law school) and a couple moves. No my parents are not saying I am not too young, I know they are thinking it. My FI will be 28 when we are married.

My parents were 24 and 27 when they married and as a child I thought 24 was a good age to marry, but my FI and I have been talking about marriage since we starting dating. Sometimes you just know.

The actual reason for asking this question was because right before I read an article on msn about when is the right age to marry. They suggested 25. I do believe everyone is different though. They suggested the independence and experiences. I think I've always just been an independent person, I have lived out of my parents house since I was 18 and have paid all my bills or have gotten student loans which I am paying.

I guess I should explain that I am an only child and while many think in their minds spoiled I was anything of the sort. It made me more resourceful and independent. I never event wanted allowance from my parents as a kid (I know weird). But was the closest family member on my mom's side (who is who we always spent time with) is 20 years older than me. So as a result I matured pretty fast since I was always around adults.

andee1353 · May 2010

Very insightful PP! Nothing more to add she hit the nail on the head.

mlharbis · May 2010

I agree with alyssa.
I also agree with TSmith, when you know you know. I'm 21 and FI is 23. We will both be a few months away from 22 and 24 when we get married.

stardust21587 · May 2010

My parents were 18 (mom) and 23 (dad) when they got married. Haha, I keep thinking that by the time my mom was my age now...she was married and had TWO kids!!! I feel like that is SOOOO young, but that was her dream...to be a mommy.

and my parents are STILL together. So, its all a matter of personal circumstances, I guess.

I am 23 and FI is 24...we feel like this is pretty typical of our "age group" right now...plus, we've been together for 7 years and we want babies in the next 5 years. Hahaha!!

irisheyezfsu · May 2010

the only reason that I would wait to marry would be for financial reasonos so I wouldn't worry about money to finance this wedding. But to me I rather be married to my FI anyway so sacrificing some things to be with the one I love is definitely worth it.

cjbwifey2010 · May 2010

Growing up, I always thought i wanted to be married at 25. It just seemed like a good number to me! LOL. I figured I would have finished my college and matured enough (even though i natured faster than that) to take on the responsibility of being a wife to my husband. I had a friend of mine who always said she wanted to be married by 21 and i thought she was CRAZY! Well...she still isn't married at 26, but that's a different story.

I have another friend of mine who DID get married at 21 and she is one of the most mature 21 year olds i know, and she has definitely taken on the responsibilities of a wife just fine! I admire her!

So, needless to say, there are exceptions to every rule. I'm 26 (and a year behind lol) and i'm glad to be getting married at this age because i feel like i've grown so much in the last 5 years. FI is 6 months younger than me, so we've been together since he was 19 and I 20. We've had our ups and downs and in those crucial years, you never know if that person just wants to be with you in the "moment". I'm glad we made it through those years together and have a lifetime left ahead of us to grow old alongside each other.

Age is just a number, but maturity level, IMO, is KEY!

brit21489 · May 2010

I agree that maturity level is the real deal breaker, not age. Both my fiance and myself are 21 and will be getting married in 1.5 months. I have always been mature for my age and same with him. I know we are making the right decision, but I understand everything Alyssa said. It is very young and can be a challenging time since you grow so much during this time. But I want to be with my FI and I want to grow with him. He is my best friend and I am lucky to have him. I can't wait to marry him and I know it is the right thing to do.

But then I see some of my friends who are my age or even older and question their choices. So I really don't think a number can be set on how old you should be to get married. I believe it is solely about the couple and not a number.

And about eloping... I never thought of it. I have always wanted my family to be there when I get married. BUT, I can totally understand when people want to since wedding planning can be so stressful!

irisheyezfsu · May 2010

I would never elope and always wanted to plan my wedding but it is way more stressful when you actually start planning it, than dreaming it. think I'd rather plan someone else's wedding haha

therockisblinding05 · May 2010

I've thought about hitting up the court house just to make logistics easier- FI and I won't live together before we're married and sometimes deciding whose house to watch 24 at or shuffling around work that we both need to get done gets sooo annoying. I just want to make it legal already and then have the big ceremony w/ family later lol.

I think you are too young to get married when you are under 18- I saw on TV parents who give their kids consent to get married while they are still minors, which is ridiculous. On 20/20, this guy was 21 and dating his BFF's younger sister who was 13 and got her pregnant. They tried to get married and make it legal so they crossed state lines so that she was of legal age w/ parental consent and when they came home, their state didn't recognize their marriage because she was still not at the age of consent and it set off this whole debate about the full faith and credit clause and whether or not her husband was a pedophile. I know that it's SOOOOO not related to what we are talking about, but I thought it was interesting to share, sorry haha.

irisheyezfsu · May 2010

haha wow, confusing and interesting (kinda gross too!)! yeah I really just want us to be married. We pretty much live together as it is now.

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