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threepinkrosesthreepinkroses
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in Catholic Weddings
Hi everyone. I'm Stephanie.

I'm new around here, and have tons of questions. But first, I'll give you a little bit of background.

I was baptized when I was a bebe, but didn't "do" the religion thing when I was a child. I did do RCIA last year (I'm 28 now), so I am a full member of the church, or whatever you want to call it. I am glad that I did it, but I don't feel like I know much more about God, or being a Catholic than I did before I went through the process. In the interest of full disclosure, I don't attend Mass every week. I won't make excuses for it, because I know its wrong not to go.

My FI are getting married in May 2011. We booked the reception hall the other day, and surprisingly, booked the church too. It isn't the one that I did RCIA through last year, but one that is a little closer to the reception hall. I know it is tradition to be married in the brides home church, but I don't feel any particular ties to any one church, which is why we went with this other church in Goshen. I attend mass in Middletown (which is where I did RCIA) and in Liberty, which is about 40 minutes away and where my family lives. The priest seems very cool, but I still feel like a big faker asking him to marry me when I know I could do more to be a good Catholic. I know I can do a lot over the next seven months to improve that....like, say, go to Mass every weekend.

I don't have so many questions right this moment, but please feel free to give me pearls of advice, and look out for me in the future!

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    bibliophile2010bibliophile2010 member
    First Anniversary Name Dropper Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Welcome.

    It sounds like you are on the right track with planning and getting started on Marriage Preparation.

    However, I would not feel like "a big faker" because you can do better -- we all can do better. Faith is a journey and we all go through highs and lows and times when we are "better" at being a faith-follower than others. The facts that you want to get married in the Church and that you want to do a better job of living your faith means that you are not a faker at all. You are a very human Catholic with a heart for Jesus and a desire to live accordingly. Follow through with your steps toward getting better. Pray. Attend mass. Receive the sacraments. The other changes will come as a result of those graces and letting God into your life.

    God bless -- the ladies here are a great support system, with tons of answers and even more willingness to offer prayers and support.
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    Calypso1977Calypso1977 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011

    you shouldnt feel like a faker.  you have an awareness about your actions - that's half the battle right there!  while i consider myself fairly devout, i'm not "fully" devout as i dont go to mass every sunday either.  we go probably 1-2 times per month, and i hit all the holy days (although sometimes its a challenge with my work schedule).

    if it makes you feel better, i wasnt married in "my" church either, although we did get married in "our" church, which meant more to me since that's where H and i always attended church together as a couple.  for a variety of reasons, i didnt get married in teh church i grew up going to.

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    rombacjarombacja member
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    edited December 2011
    Congrats Stephanie! Ditto to what the ladies above said. I am also not getting married in the church I grew up with. Something that helps me is that I'm involved with activities at my church. Most of the parish activities are only once a month or even less, so it's not too much of an extra time commitment (I'm sure your life is just as crazy!). But the nice thing is that it might give you an opportunity to meet other people at your church and feel more connected. I'm blessed with a very active parish, but maybe yours has a peace and justice committee or a group that works on fundraisers or a group that does the church's gardening. Whatever - just something to make you feel like a part of the parish. Good luck!
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Welcome!

    The first step is admitting that you have been slacking on going to church. I definitely agree that faith is a journey.

    I am in a similar situation as you. I am almost 28 yrs old, and was confirmed through RCIA in April of 2009. I was baptized Catholic but never received the rest of the sacraments. My now husband was Catholic, and our relationship (before I went through RCIA) started coming together as we went to church together. And then it was something that just become a normal part of our weekend. We rarely miss and if he does it is due to his job.

    I know it takes a while to find a church you are comfortable with. Finding a good priest is sometimes hard. We did not get married in my church either, we got married in his church. I never felt a connection to a church since we didn't go when I was a kid. I had only been attending the church I did RCIA in bc I was in the program. I don't think that rule applies as much anymore. The important thing is that you are getting married in the Church and will be a sacrament. It is truly a wonderful experience being able to receive 2 sacraments in one day on your wedding.
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    newlyseliskinewlyseliski member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Hi, Stephanie!  Welcome to the board and the Church!  Ditto bibliophile about faith being a journey... as a cradle catholic, I've gone to church every Sunday of my life and it's been a very ingrained part of my habits... I'm sure it's a huge adjustment if it's something you're not accustomed to!  Joining in different ministries and activities at your parish definitely usually helps you feel more connected and gives you the desire to join with the community at mass.  The more I learn about and grow in my faith... the more I realize that I don't know and how much I need to grow! 

    I don't feel particularly tied to my parent's church, either, because they switched between a total of five different parishes!  It's also difficult to commit to a parish as a young adult because it's a very transitory time of life.  I've been an involved member at my parish now for a few years, but also feel a bit guilty that I might be seen as one of those couples who's getting hitched there and ditching since I don't know where my fiance and I will end up once he gets a permanent job somewhere! 
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    TerriandJoeTerriandJoe
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    edited December 2011
    Just wanted to say welcome! (I lurk and occasionally post here)

    So happy that you found a church and reception hall!

    The ladies on here are great and very knowledgeable!
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