Need advice friend troubles.

Strv2perfection · June 2012

I have been on here long but you ladies give great advice on all issues.

My so called BFF and I haven't really been speaking since about August of last year and I'm not sure why? Her and my fiance don't really like it each other but there adults and should be able to at least act cordial.

This isn't the only time that we have went without speaking but this time I'm not sure what her issue is. The first time I refused to be a bridesmaids in her wedding. She couldnt really get mad I have always told people that's not my thing. I will help you plan everything. Throw you a shower all that good stuff but putting on a dress and standing up there isn't for me. The second time she cussed my fiancé out at out sons 1st bay party for no reason. We stopped talking then she was wrong but doesn't like to own up to responsibility for her actions. Im used to it he said screw her! But this time I not sure what's up. I have always been the one to reach out to her after a few months which I have done this time.

She came over my house we talked about me getting married she offered her help because weddings are her thing. She just said we all need a break from each other something's! Wtf I just don't get it. Now we're still really not talking. She is buddy buddy with my older sister and another friend of hers now. I'm not jealous or anything like that. I dont have many peoples call friends.

I have know her since I was 15 I'm 27 now. She is godmother to my 2 daughters she has seen 2 of my kids come into this world. Her husband is one of my daughters goo father.

I know she wants to be present when I get married. At least this is what my sister has told me. Where ever and when ever I decide to get married she wants to be there. My fiance is like nope we're not inviting her. This whole situation is stressing me out. I'm really hurting over this.

kcc76 · June 2012

I am so sorry to hear you are having problems with your BFF. You may want to talk to your FI and explain that she has been your friends for years and you don't want to lose her friendship and you would really like everyone to get along. This is hurting you deeply and you should talk to your BFF about it. You should explain how your feeling. Find out what is going on with her. You want her to be able to get along with your FI. She may not like him, but at least be respectful to him. Also if the conversation doesn't go well with her you will have to let that friendship go. Sometimes as we get older we find out the ones that we thought were our friends aren't really our true friends at all. I have a BFF and we may go weeks without speaking, but when we do talk it's like we have never stopped talking at all. As you get older sometimes you don't talk on the phone as much, but I know if I ever need her she will be right there for me. Can you say the same for your friend? I hope everything works out for you.

MrsBoss2012 · June 2012

My advice would be to try and talk with her and if she refuses or plays dumb and says everything is ok then just give her space until she comes around. Invite her to the wedding after you have convinced FI of course. If she is your real good friend she will show up to start helping you plan and if not...well hey sometimes friendships dissipate especially when it comes time for weddings! Similar story with me even down to how long we've been friends. We had a falling out, I didn't completely heal so I kept my distance until I was ready. She couldn't understand that and kept pushing me so eventually I pulled the plug on the friendship.

footballwife77 · June 2012

sorry you're going through this. Sometimes, unfortunately, friends grow up and apart. I have no advice. But I hope that whatever you decide, you will feel good about it in the end.

island07b2b · June 2012

Sorry that you are dealing with this while planning your wedding. Your situation is kind of tough if you have already reached out to her and she still won't talk to you. I had a similar situation with a long time friend many years ago. I reached out to her but she never responded. I had no choice but to let it go and I was ok with that because I was tired of her surly and sulky behavior. Her issues were usually about her.

Here are my thoughts for you:

Is it possible that she is jealous of the relationship you have with your FI? Too much happy planning going on for her.

It sounds like your FI is adamant about not having her at the wedding. Maybe your friend knows this (perhaps your FI said something to her) and she is laying low. May also be pure guilt on her part about how she acted at your son's birthday party. She is simply embarassed but still can't bring herself to apologize.

Your sister doesn't have any insight for you as to what could be REALLY going on between the two of you? Perhaps there is something she is trying to keep from you that may really set you off.

mejai1 · June 2012

Wow. This one is tough. The whole "cussing out my FI" part is strange, but I don't know what the situation was. It would be nice for her to be present at your wedding, but maybe you should just invite her (if FI comes around on his reservations) but not expect her help. I know you guys have been friends for a long time, but if FI is adamant about her not coming, you have to think about the picture of the future. Long and hard ... because she's been around longer than him (presumably) and I would hope that he can understand that... because you don't get a do-over if you don't invite her.

Need advice friend troubles.

Re: Need advice friend troubles.

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