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June 2013 Weddings
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RSVP games

sopraffinasopraffina
100 Comments
in June 2013 Weddings
My sister is getting married this month, so it's great to learn form her experiences. She invited all of the first cousins on our dad's side of the family, even though we aren't really close. We went to our uncle's funeral yesterday, and all of their kids were talking about how excited they were about our weddings. My sister told me the first cousins RSVP'ed along with their kids' names! That's 14 extra people (mostly teenagers). We calculated about $950 extra dollars.

I know this isn't exactly unheard of, but it's stunning when people you thought you knew don't have enough sense to know who is and isn't invited. I don't even want to invite any of the adults now. They know my sister doesn't have a lot of money. She has good friends that she can't invite because she can't afford it. Now these people we don't really know are bringing all of their kids, and some are bringing dates!

My sister begged me not to say anything. She is going to put her foot down on the plus-ones, but not the second cousins. I won't say anything until after HER wedding.

Cake! - June 2013
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Re: RSVP games

  • cnf2013cnf2013 member
    1000 Comments Second Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    That always baffles me how people think it's ok to just invite anyone they want along. People with kids should ask first about brigning them if it's not made clear or specific on the invite. As for dates, I know I wouldn't want strangers at my wedding. I'd put my foot down hard on that. Definitely make it all very clear and concise if you nplan on doing the same kind of inviting for yours. We are only giving people with SO's plus one's for our wedding. Everyone not brining a date knows at least one or two people though, so it's not a big deal. 

    It just blows my mind. I can't believe how many people think weddings are just party free-for-alls. Every person adds to the cost. Just say sorry, we can't afford it and we want to keep the guest list to those who are known and close to us. 
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  • anastassiiatanastassiiat
    500 Comments First Anniversary
    I'm sorry your sister is in such situation! Could your parents maybe talk to the cousins if your sister doesn't want to do it? It sucks that they didn't have enough courtesy to ask before RSVP'ing for their kids though!
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  • emilyb213emilyb213 member
    500 Comments 25 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    Man, I would be freaking out if people decided to start writing in their kids' names. I would definitely see if your sister is okay with your parents talking to the cousins. Otherwise, they might pull the same stunt for your wedding, even if you tell them beforehand that it's going to be adults only (I could totally see my relatives filling out the RSVP cards and justifying it by telling themselves "Oh, well, we did it for Sissy's wedding last year and it was okay, so it will also be okay for this wedding, even though they said a few months ago that it was adults only.")
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  • sopraffinasopraffina
    100 Comments
    Since I'm doing all printing myself, I may just make special RSVP's for just those cousins that list the names of the invited and checkboxes. 

    What do people do when extra people just show up? I will not have enough tables and place settings for anyone who isn't invited. How does that work?

    I don't mind telling them myself, but my sister doesn't want anything said, not by my parents or anyone. I can't believe people are putting her in this situation where she feels terrible and worries about it, and she has to go over budget!

    Cake! - June 2013
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  • sparkles776sparkles776 member
    1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    Ugh, I would seriously be so upset. I think your sister or parents need to put their foot down, because those cousins are going to be upset that their kids were allowed at your sisters wedding, but not yours.
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  • anastassiiatanastassiiat
    500 Comments First Anniversary
    I think one of suggestions that I've read somewhere before is to place name cards directly on each table, that way if extra people show up they will see there is no room for them. But, just in my opinion, that would make people way more upset then if your sister talked to them ahead of time and explained the situation.
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  • ladyscoobyladyscooby member
    First Comment
    That's outrageous, I would say something to them. I haven't sent out my invitations yet but when I do I'm making sure I specify. whom I'm inviting, plus there's aren't anyone under 18 allowed unless in the wedding and we're putting that at the bottom of the invitations.
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  • n3rdl3tn3rdl3t
    100 Comments
    I am pretty sure my head would spin and I would start speaking in tongues if someone tacked on that much extra $$ to an already expensive wedding.. You should definitely be prepared to put your foot down and say something if they decide to try to pull that with you.. not inviting the adults also may be a good idea to avoid the problem altogether, especially since you said you're not close. 
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  • ashlidieashlidie member
    500 Comments Third Anniversary
    Im not your sister, but I would call and kindly say "Im sorry but the invitation was only for XYZ."  If they come up with the whole "but its only one more" you just tell them that you have to be fair and you can not have some 2nd cousins there when people on yours and FI's side can't bring their children.

    Honestly though, I think people just don't understand invitation etiquette.  I mean genuinely make the mistake, and don't realize what they did.  For all you know it's probably not an issue but they had just accidentally assumed.

    To be clear, I am doing a possibly tacky thing, but for my RSVP i have the typical "M---- kindly accepts/regretfully declines" but under the accepts portion, I have written "---- of ---- attending"  And I will write a # in the second blank.  I think the message comes across clear for those who may genuinely just be mistaken.

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  • sopraffinasopraffina
    100 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2013-weddings_rsvp-games?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:f30b0bfc-508d-415c-bf59-ab83e327da37Discussion:92daba66-052d-4c45-a3f9-42847333c064Post:61880846-3c80-4c46-8f43-dc95f05c89f5">Re: RSVP games</a>:
    [QUOTE] I have written "---- of ---- attending"  And I will write a # in the second blank.  I think the message comes across clear for those who may genuinely just be mistaken.
    Posted by ashlidie[/QUOTE]

    <div>Ooh, that's good. I was just going over my list, and I remembered that one of the 2nd cousins got married. I thought that there is no way she was going to invite herself without bringing her husband along. Then I remembered, my sister and I were NOT invited to her wedding! The nerve of some people! But it's the perfect excuse not to invite all of them.</div><div>
    </div><div>Another thing I considered was telling them there would be no alcohol. I'm starting to wonder why a bunch of teenagers would be so eager to go to a wedding. I hope they don't think I'm going to let them drink. There will be alcohol, but maybe a few of them will think it's going to be boring and will stay away. Ha! </div>

    Cake! - June 2013
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