Feeling Lost

DawnB12 · July 2012

I haven't written much on these boards but with 16 days left, I need to vent.
I feel a little depressed, honestly.
The year so far has been awful: I had a Mis-miscarriage at the beginning (no baby but all the symptoms...sucks), car accident right after that with a concussion. My grandmother threatened to not come to the wedding because I didn't invite my uncle (who lives with her): I never had a relationship with him and he makes me nervous. My fiance's niece died a couple of weeks ago (22 years old, acute liver failure): she was one of my best friends and I miss her so much.
Then, last week, my best friend of 15 years texted me and said we couldn't be friends anymore because she wasn't asked to be in the wedding. She had told me last year that she was having a lot of money trouble (and still is: no job, no insurance, lots of medical bills, etc...the list goes on) and I didn't think it was fair to ask her to pay for a dress: I couldn't afford to get it for her either....maybe I was wrong. I apologized and explained why but she didn't want to hear it. I have two sisters who are in the wedding and never intended to ask anyone else.
NO ONE from my fiance's side RSVP'd...really angry about that: we had to call everyone and several of them said they needed the invite again.

I feel really isolated and more than a little sad.

Overwhelmed is a good word.
Sorry if I brought anyone down, just needed to get that out...I don't have a lot of people to talk to.

tuarceatha · July 2012

I'm so sorry to see you have had so much hardship recently.

Don't apologize for reaching out to us. I'm sure many of us appreciate hearing your story for the things they can relate to and offer kind words for.

What is going on right now that is good? Now that you have vented the bad, can you focus on the good things? (or do you need more time to discuss them. I don't mean to shush you

)

Lobsters25 · July 2012

I'm so sorry, Dawn. That really is all terrible news. We're not even sure that FI's immediate family is coming due to longstanding drama, and a bit of the other 'why aren't we invited' drama, so I can relate to that piece, but I can only imagine how run down you are with everything on top of that.
That being said, what are some positives going on with you right now? It sucks to deal with all this, but you're clearly stronger than it, so share some good things, too!

I really hope you have the happiest of wedding days, because you truly deserve it!
edit: haha, I just read jen's post which went up as I was typing. love that we had the same thought with looking at the positive!

tuarceatha · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_august-2012-weddings_feeling-lost?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:1fb748ee-7a4e-40eb-b4b4-e553486f4cacDiscussion:ac8675a0-6d8e-499e-ac6f-03234a59671fPost:fbb8ebab-112b-4a22-8303-9eacab6c1707">Re: Feeling Lost</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm so sorry, Dawn. That really is all terrible news. We're not even sure that FI's immediate family is coming due to longstanding drama, and a bit of the other 'why aren't we invited' drama, so I can relate to that piece, but I can only imagine how run down you are with everything on top of that. That being said, what are some positives going on with you right now? It sucks to deal with all this, but you're clearly stronger than it, so share some good things, too! :) I really hope you have the happiest of wedding days, because you truly deserve it! edit: h<strong>aha, I just read jen's post which went up as I was typing. love that we had the same thought with looking at the positive!</strong>
Posted by Lobsters25[/QUOTE]

lol

DawnB12 · July 2012

Thanks for the replies...and for reminding me that it's not all bad; although it's really hard to see right now.

Some good things to share: I finished writing the place cards, settled on favors and centerpieces. I own my own business (gift stuff and calligraphy) so I was able to do everything myself: so much fun and we saved a ton of money. With so many people not coming: we're saving on food (positive way of looking at it! lol) My sisters FINALLY got their dresses (yes they just tried them on and bought them two days ago). The best thing: I'll be on vacation for two weeks at my favorite place in the world: York Beach, ME. Plenty of time to rest and relax. Can't wait to be walking along the beach with my best friend and new husband:-)

Lobsters25 · July 2012

That's such a nice area in Maine! I've been daydreaming of our vacation (read: honeymoon) lately, too - it's like the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow these days.

tuarceatha · July 2012

I looove York Beach! My grandparents live there. I love walking around all the shops and buying lots of candy like a small child might if they had money

I was really sad that I received so many "Nos" for a bit, but now I'm focusing all my attention on the folks that are attending our wedding. I'm sure it will be a blast!

ElyseE25 · July 2012

This board is so great because I complain on here a lot and everyone is still nice. I give you support and just look forward to your honeymoon... that's might light at the end of the tunnel. And my feelings are that as long as I look good in pictures then I guess everything will be alright because that's all we are going to physically have to remember it anyway!

WE'RE ALMOST THERE!!!!

tlal1026 · July 2012

One more positive to think about. You are getting married to your best friend. That is what really counts. All the rest will be everyone else's loss, not yours. I was in a similiar situation with 2 friends. They stopped talking to me when I got engaged. Would never explain why. Then they started asking other people about my wedding. I finally told them all they needed to know about my wedding was that they were not invited. Friends like that are better left behind. Our close family and close friends that love and support us will be there. Look for the positive and forget the negative.

rungirl12 · July 2012

I am so sorry to hear you had a crummy year. On the bright side, you are with a man you love and are solidifying that relationship next month! I understand how difficult it is to lose someone close to you and unfortunately, only time will help you heal there. As for your friend, things change and she may come around. She may realize how silly it was to not be your friend because she's not in the wedding. If she doesn't, then you may not want that type of person as a friend anyway. At least you followed up on all your missing RSVPs and have that out of the way too! I am happy to hear that there is some good going on - keep focused on that and your new married life!

Jojo714 · July 2012

Hi there. First I think you should go for a run, or do some sort of exercise to ease some of your anxiety- trust me, it helps. Secondly, (not trying to beat a dead horse or anything) focus on the positive. I think you're wedding day is going to be awesome and that is the light at the end of the tunnel.

About your friend, if she's a true friend to you- and your "best friend" she will come around. She just text you out of anger and pain- which she obviously didn't know how to handle, but those feelings will subside if she really cherishes you. If she doesn't then don't even look back. Focus on your friends that ARE there and especially your sisters.

My best friend (since 2nd grade) and I had a huge falling out on December 3, 2011, it was NOT wedding related. I tried to call her the very next day because in my opinion, she's like my sister and I felt like it was nothing to end our friendship over. She wouldn't take my calls, or answer my text messages. It completely destroyed me, I cried over her as if my fiance had left me. It took almost an entire month before she called me hysterically crying and apologizing on New Years Eve, after I had given up trying to reach out to her and was a "little less hurt" about the friendship I thought I lost. I can't say that things were immediately "back to normal". A few months later, I had to confront the situation head on. She was trying to sweep it under the rug, and move forward, but anytime we were together we couldn't even look at eachother. We were still resentful to eachother about the blowup, having never really dealt with the situation. We had the talk that we needed to have, to explain what happened in each of our point of view, and acknowledge where we BOTH went wrong and SINCERELY apologize. She just got married on my bday last Saturday, I was her maid of honor and next month she'll be mine. Slowly but surely- we made it through something that no one saw fixing.

My point is that A TRUE FRIENDSHIP will survive anything. My best friend and I survived even after dissolving a business we built together. Then becoming business competitors. We both had made a big investment financially and it almost ruined the investment we made in our friendship. So don't count her out just yet- it just takes time.

lk&dparker · July 2012

Just want to say that I agree with what everyone has said, and second that I have said it before but Im going to say it again August 2012 Brides are all really good ladies with Great advice, this is the only board I have honestly seen on the Knot like this. Other boards are rude or dont even respond. Everyone is always here to help and give you some advice, so dont feel like you bothering anyone.
I really hope everything works out for you, just like I do for everyone on here because we have all had our little vent moment, I have always heard that in the last month it gets really hard but just think the whole Wedding process is almost over and soon you will be standing next to the man of your dreams saying your vows to one another and live happily ever after

megan8290 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_august-2012-weddings_feeling-lost?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:1fb748ee-7a4e-40eb-b4b4-e553486f4cacDiscussion:ac8675a0-6d8e-499e-ac6f-03234a59671fPost:f68bb5f5-ebcf-4a42-873c-65cada28d90c">Re: Feeling Lost</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks for the replies...and for reminding me that it's not all bad; although it's really hard to see right now. Some good things to share: I finished writing the place cards, settled on favors and centerpieces. <strong>I own my own business (gift stuff and calligraphy</strong>) so I was able to do everything myself: so much fun and we saved a ton of money. With so many people not coming: we're saving on food (positive way of looking at it! lol) My sisters FINALLY got their dresses (yes they just tried them on and bought them two days ago). The best thing: I'll be on vacation for two weeks at my favorite place in the world: York Beach, ME. Plenty of time to rest and relax. Can't wait to be walking along the beach with my best friend and new husband:-)
Posted by DawnB12[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>That's so cool! I was just looking up last night about calligraphy and realized how difficult it is. One of those skills I wish I had years to learn before getting married. :)
Doesn't it make you feel better listing all the things that are going well?

</div>

FlintstonePearl · July 2012

It will get better. Lean on you FI for support, too. It's good practice for your marriage.

elhoekenga · July 2012

Keep your chin up girl, you are marrying your best friend. You get to keep him forever!

Everything else will fall into place, maybe not before your wedding but eventually it will. Your grandmother will get over that you didn't invite your uncle, your friend will probably realize how dumb she is being and get over that, too. The point of all of this is YOUR wedding, so you should make the best of it at the end of it all. You aren't going to get another wedding, so this is your day to shine. No one can take that away from you.

I hope everything turns out absolutely WONDERFUL for you and your FI. And remember too that the people that actually do show up at your wedding are worth your complete focus and gratitude- they are your support system, not the people that chose not to come for dumb reasons!

Good luck!

DawnB12 · July 2012

You girls are the best! Thank you so much for all the support and good wishes! I'm feeling much more positive after having the weekend to rest. Got a ton of stuff done and learned a new skill! I didn't realize how expensive it would be to get the gifts engraved so I bought a dremmel and did it myself! Really hard at first but I'm so glad I tried and was able to do it.

My fiance has been an absolute angel through this whole thing. His response to everything is, as long as he gets me in the end, that's all that matters. Still gives me butterflies every time

.

As far as my friend goes, the more I think about it, the more I realize that everybody in your life is there for a reason and they'll never stay longer than they are meant to. Maybe with us, we've fullfilled our purpose for each other and now it's time to move on.

I hope all of you have the most beautiful weddings and wish you all the happiness in the world because you all deserve it. I love being reminded of the kindness of strangers and I'm so thankful for all of you who took the time to cheer me up with a few words.

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