formal family reception + casual party for friends?

leahtangney · September 2010

Hi,

My fiance and I are planning a formal reception following our ceremony, but for a few reasons (budget, space in the reception hall, LARGE families) we aren't able to invite more than a *very* select few friends. The reception will be primarily for family, the bridal party, plus a couple of people...

The thing is, we have a number of good friends who we would love to invite, and who we know would love to be there. Would it be appropriate to have a casual bbq for friends the next day, and let people know that they are welcome at the ceremony? We're just concerned about people feeling like they didn't "make the cut"... but we've gotten the feeling that the people we have in mind understand that we can't invite everyone, and aren't taking it personally. I just wanted to bounce the idea off people... what do you think?

quotequeen · September 2010

If they are invited to the ceremony they need to be invited to the reception that follows the ceremony. Having two different receptions for different groups of people who are all invited to the ceremony is really rude.

Having another party the next day would be fine, but you shouldn't call it a reception or link it to the wedding.

squirrly · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_formal-family-reception-casual-party-friends?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ddb453f4-93d1-4b17-8126-ffca7cc04cb3Post:82bbed81-6e88-4e8f-b132-e29e656bc2a6">Re: formal family reception + casual party for friends?</a>:
[QUOTE]If they are invited to the ceremony they need to be invited to the reception that follows the ceremony. Having two different receptions for different groups of people who are all invited to the ceremony is really rude. Having another party the next day would be fine, but you shouldn't call it a reception or link it to the wedding.
Posted by quotequeen[/QUOTE]

Yup, this.

If your ceremony is in a church, though, it's generally considered open to the public. If they want to be there that badly, they'll show up.

However - why not scale back the formality of your reception and be able to include everyone? Having another party the next day is going to leave you exhausted. I promise. And you're still going to spend money on it. Make cuts where appropriate - both in finances and guest list - and invite everyone to one shindig.

leahtangney · September 2010

Noted. I didn't mean formally inviting people to the ceremony, and I DEFINITELY didn't mean having two "receptions"... but it is at a church, so I think there may be some people who would like to come regardless, and I thought it might be nice to have some kind of casual get-together with friends after the wedding... but I'm thinking maybe we should just let it be. Thanks for the advice!

glam70s · September 2010

We're sort of doing this, except the casual party will be the same day, and it will be in a private room at our favourite restaurant, not at our house. It will not really be connected to the wedding in any way, but since it's the same day I'm guessing it will come up in the conversation. :-)

We're specifically having a morning ceremony and brunch reception so that we can have a small wedding guest list, and party without FI's family giving us the evil eye for drinking later that night..

SarahNicole80 · September 2010

Maybe have a party when you get back from the honeymoon? You won't be as stressed or exhausted and there will be less of a tie to the actual wedding.

quotequeen · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_formal-family-reception-casual-party-friends?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ddb453f4-93d1-4b17-8126-ffca7cc04cb3Post:435af1bd-4541-433c-9f70-6a9a6cadb2ce">Re: formal family reception + casual party for friends?</a>:
[QUOTE]We're sort of doing this, except the casual party will be the same day, and it will be in a private room at our favourite restaurant, not at our house. It will not really be connected to the wedding in any way, but since it's the same day I'm guessing it will come up in the conversation. :-) We're specifically having a morning ceremony and brunch reception so that we can have a small wedding guest list, and party without FI's family giving us the evil eye for drinking later that night..
Posted by glam70s[/QUOTE]

I think having a party for your friends later on is fine, but when it's the same day or the next day it just kind of rubs it in that they weren't invited to the real thing. I would suggest doing it maybe a month later, and just call it a party. If you want to, that is.

squirrly · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_formal-family-reception-casual-party-friends?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ddb453f4-93d1-4b17-8126-ffca7cc04cb3Post:435af1bd-4541-433c-9f70-6a9a6cadb2ce">Re: formal family reception + casual party for friends?</a>:
[QUOTE]We're sort of doing this, except the casual party will be the same day, and it will be in a private room at our favourite restaurant, not at our house. It will not really be connected to the wedding in any way, but since it's the same day I'm guessing it will come up in the conversation. :-) We're specifically having a morning ceremony and brunch reception so that we can have a small wedding guest list, and party without FI's family giving us the evil eye for drinking later that night..
Posted by glam70s[/QUOTE]

But are the friends invited to the wedding and "real" reception? If so, then this is kosher. If not, it's. . . strange, and in a very grey area.

AbbeyS2011 · September 2010

We are doing quite the opposite - our wedding is the day before Father's Day, and we are inviting family and friends to the wedding/reception, then on Sunday, having a Father's Day BBQ with just family and maybe a couple close friends. Two different celebrations on two different days.

If you are going to invite someone to your wedding ceremony, you need to extend the invite to the reception also - or were you planning to order two different sets of invites, one with an invite to the reception and one without?

Honestly, I would be quite offended if I received a wedding invite (without any reception notation), attended the wedding, and then told when I inquired about where/when the reception would be that I was not invited, but you can come to a party the next day!

You need to decrease the formality of your reception and include your friends in the entire celebration, or not invite them at all, IMO.

formal family reception + casual party for friends?

Re: formal family reception + casual party for friends?

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