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Mother of the Bride help

court476court476 member
10 Comments
in Chit Chat
My sister and I are getting married with in 3 months of eachother, my mother is helping with both of our wedding. The problem is (se has said this to both me and my sister) "this wedding is about her, she had 2 girls so she gets to make all the decitions." ....I can understand if she was helping pay, but shes not, at all.

On a side note I am pregnant and she is coming up for the birth, shes treating my pregnany the same way..." I'm the momma, my way or the highway"  attitude.

i just don't know what to do about her any more, both my sister and i have tried to talk to her and tell her shes being out of control, but she doesnt seem to listen and gets mad at  us.... what should i do?!?!?!?!?!?!
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Re: Mother of the Bride help

  • redheadfsuredheadfsu member
    2500 Comments
    edited February 2012
    If she isn't paying, then just say, "Mom, I love you and all, but FI and I have to decided to do X. It fits within our* budget & is what we want."

    If she pushes, change the subject and stop talking to her about the wedding.

    Just say, "Oh, FI & I  will keep that in mind. But oh you must try this beandip. Yes, that is a possibility. But seriously this beandip is great. I'm going to go make more/ get the recipe"

    ETA: and when you say she is "helping" what is she doing? If she is being pushy, I would stop letting her "help."

    *edit

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    Married 9/15/11

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    *This is Not Legal Advice*
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  • mellimel19mellimel19
    500 Comments
    If she is being that pushy, I would keep her in the loop on decisions you have already made, but not involve her in the decision-making process. That way if she objects, you can simply say, thanks for the suggestion mom, but FI and have already decided on this. And if she is still pushy about it, I just wouldn't share wedding details with her anymore.

    I can somewhat sympathize with your situation. My mom isn't trying to take over or be pushy (in fact she's rather uninterested), but she is super opinionated and an overall negative Nelly. She just has a way of putting a damper on your excitement with her negative opinions on everything. So I really don't share details of my wedding with her, and I've found it gives me the breathing room to make the decisions FI and I are happy with and to avoid the negativity.
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  • achiduckachiduck member
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its
    You need to have a conversation with her, like yesterday. This behavior is not ok.
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  • cwaggoner07cwaggoner07 member
    5000 Comments Fourth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    Yeah, if you don't get this under control now, you will be facing all of these problems for every single milestone of your child.
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  • kmmssgkmmssg mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    I agree that she probably behaves like this because she has been allowed to.  You and your sister need to set some serious boundaries with her.  Even if that includes a Come to Jesus meeting regarding wedding plans and her role in them.

    As far as labor and delivery - those nurses are champions at keeping people away from you if that is what you want.

    You and your sister need to harden those backbones and get control of your weddings and lives now - even if that means limiting contact with your mother.  You could tell her that she can come up a few weeks after the baby is born.  My concern for you is that she is going to ruin your first few weeks with your new baby with her "my way or the highway" routine.  You CAN set boundaries and you CAN tell her to stay home.  This is a one time experience for you.  Decide how you want that to go, and make it happen.
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  • LuckyGirl1713LuckyGirl1713
    1000 Comments
    Be strong, be honest and try not to let the guilt of upsetting your  mother (even if she is being crazy) get to you.  Don't buckle under the pressure she puts on you after you set the limits and I would seriously suggest your sister do the same thing as you.  If one of you sets limits and sticks to them and the other doesn't then it's going to be a really bad sitatuion for you and her.
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  • kimiandgarykimiandgary
    100 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_mother-of-bride-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:04984b61-8eca-4eda-b1c1-1267c71ef96fPost:76998acc-aa9e-49f0-84a8-47fd47764dc6">Re: Mother of the Bride help</a>:
    [QUOTE]Wedding:  stop sharing your plans with her.  Keep all information on a need-to-know basis only.  "Thanks, mom, we've got it under control." Baby:  tell the labor and delivery nurses to keep everyone except your husband out.  They deal with situations like this all the time, and are more than willing to be the bad guy for you. Your life:  you need to grow a backbone, and have a long talk with mom.  You and your fiance need to tell her it's time to let go of her babies.
    Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

    Couldn't have said it better myself!
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