MOH

Re: MOH

• Annas2013 member

  

  November 2012 edited November 2012

  My MOH honestly didn't really care much at first.  The wedding is still  over 6 months away.  I wouldn't say anything because it could easily sound like you were asking her to step down or weren't happy with her, and could start a bunch of useless drama.  

  
  

  My MOH only went to help me dress shop, and gave me her opinion on the BM dresses I liked.  And she showed up to my engagement party.  Three of my BMs couldn't because they lived out of state or had other commitments.  Just give her time.  I have a feeling she'll get more excited when it comes closer.

  
  

  Plus just because she's your MOH doesn't mean she has to go with you to anything.  

  

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• bburkel

  

  November 2012

  I have 2 MOHs.  one has been my sounding board for pretty much everything, the other has been busy having her 2nd kid and being a lawyer.  So, she's only been involved in dress shopping, and we just picked out her BM dress the other day.
  I'd say if you have other bridesmaids who are willing to offer perspective, you can ask them, without having to ask the MOH to step down. 
  
  I had lunch with one of my personal attendants last week and she actually mentioned that she likes to go out and shop and look at things, so I'm starting to think i'll use her for some of my wedding-related  shopping. 

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• Krikin22 member

  

  November 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2013-weddings_moh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:ea657a87-d1dc-4588-999f-31c9deeef720Discussion:99d75fbe-20ba-4a49-82e0-97e8bdfec354Post:88cdad1d-4b28-4d7d-935a-2fe7d396b7c7">Re: MOH</a>:
  [QUOTE]My MOH honestly didn't really care much at first.  The wedding is still  over 6 months away.  I wouldn't say anything because it could easily sound like you were asking her to step down or weren't happy with her, and could start a bunch of useless drama.   My MOH only went to help me dress shop, and gave me her opinion on the BM dresses I liked.  And she showed up to my engagement party.  Three of my BMs couldn't because they lived out of state or had other commitments.  Just give her time.  I have a feeling she'll get more excited when it comes closer. Plus just because she's your MOH doesn't mean she has to go with you to anything.  
  Posted by Annas2013[/QUOTE]
  
  I agree with all of this. I can't even get two of my BMs to call in their measurements for BM dresses. So frustrating!

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• melb2013 member

  

  November 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2013-weddings_moh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:ea657a87-d1dc-4588-999f-31c9deeef720Discussion:99d75fbe-20ba-4a49-82e0-97e8bdfec354Post:1cf0ac98-4877-4cdf-a7ec-ffcbc9e1f843">MOH</a>:
  [QUOTE]Need some advice on a MOH related question. Mine is in school, working when shes not in school.. leads a very busy life. She's had financial issues with numerous things.. alots on her plate. When it comes to wedding planning, I've bascially kept it between my FI & I (and my mom) & don't really bother the girls with lots of things. But when I try to ask her opinion or try to set up times to come with me to see things or whatever, she's never free and I feel like she's not very interested. I don't expect everyone to be so involved with our wedding, its our wedding.. not theirs. But it'd be nice to have a girlfriends perspective & help with a few things.. but everytime I ask, I feel like I'm bothering her.. I don't get the reaction I hope for? So I was wondering if I should nicely ask her if the MOH role is overwhelming on top of everything else she has going on? <strong>If she'd prefer to be a bridemsaid & not have to worry about certain things. I don't want her to not be apart of the wedding.. I want her very much to still be a bridesmaid, but maybe not my MOH?</strong> I don't want to hurt her feelings, I don't want her to feel like she's not doing a good job, I don't want her to be pissed off at me & decide to not be anything.. but I just want someone who likes to help me out or be interested in whats going on. Any advive/tips on what to do? My cousin told me I shouldn't be afraid to talk any of the girls in my bridal party but I am. Again, I'm not trying to make her feel bad or hurt her feelings.. I just wish she had a little more interest b/c she's the MOH...
  Posted by tandrosoff[/QUOTE]<div>
  </div><div>The only difference between and MOH and a bridesmaid is that they stand directly next to you, fluff the dress, hold the bouquet, and sometimes are the legal witness on your marriage license... other than that... it's the same.  I would never ask or expect my MOH to come to any appointment.  My MOH did come to my dress appointment and one venue appointment, but he invited himself and hasn't been to anything since.  I think you need to change your expectations.  I find that when you don't expect things of people, they have a way of surprising you.  Remember, you should choose your MOH based on who is closest to you, not who can help you the most.</div><div>
  </div><div>The only time you should speak up about their lack of participation is if they don't order the bridesmaid's dresses in time.  Other than that, if they show up to the wedding with the dress and stand next to you and smile, they've done their job in my book.
  
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• vchan4

  

  November 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2013-weddings_moh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:ea657a87-d1dc-4588-999f-31c9deeef720Discussion:99d75fbe-20ba-4a49-82e0-97e8bdfec354Post:73382c78-b32d-4aee-84b7-ba263110f342">Re: MOH</a>:
  [QUOTE]In Response to MOH : The only difference between and MOH and a bridesmaid is that they stand directly next to you, fluff the dress, hold the bouquet, and sometimes are the legal witness on your marriage license... other than that... it's the same.  I would never ask or expect my MOH to come to any appointment.  My MOH did come to my dress appointment and one venue appointment, but he invited himself and hasn't been to anything since.  I think you need to change your expectations.  I find that when you don't expect things of people, they have a way of surprising you. <strong> Remember, you should choose your MOH based on who is closest to you, not who can help you the most</strong>. The only time you should speak up about their lack of participation is if they don't order the bridesmaid's dresses in time.  Other than that, if they show up to the wedding with the dress and stand next to you and smile, they've done their job in my book.
  Posted by melb2013[/QUOTE]
  This!!
  
  Have you talked to your MOH? As you mentioned, she is probably busy with school and honestly, she just might not be interested in wedding planning/talk. Like Mel mentioned, your bridal party is respresentative of the important people you want to stand there with you on your big day. As nice as it is to get feedback from others, what really matters is what you and FI think of everything.

  

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• ameliah19

  

  November 2012

  I wouldn't say anything. This can easily be a friendship ruiner if taken the wrong way. And really she doesn't necessarily have to do anything besides buy her dress and stand next to you at your wedding. My MOH is excited and wants to help out as well as my other bridesmaids but I never expect them to do anything that they don't want to do, I've just been lucky that everyone genuinley wants to help. But even if they didn't that would not mean a "demotion" or a whatever. I think maybe change your expectations so you aren't as hurt by her reactions. 

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• TogetherPerfect member

  

  November 2012

  I would leave it alone. See if other BM's can go when you want another girl's opinion. My MOH isn't as interested as I imagined she'd be, but she is also planning her own wedding at the same time for June, which I am her MOH in. So we discuss things often, but we understand if we can't make it to wedding related things when invited.

  

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• TheVirginians member

  

  November 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2013-weddings_moh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:ea657a87-d1dc-4588-999f-31c9deeef720Discussion:99d75fbe-20ba-4a49-82e0-97e8bdfec354Post:eb1a2967-9352-4c16-91d4-ab53a298796a">Re: MOH</a>:
  [QUOTE]In Response to Re: MOH : This!! Have you talked to your MOH? As you mentioned, she is probably busy with school and honestly, she just might not be interested in wedding planning/talk. Like Mel mentioned, your bridal party is respresentative of the important people you want to stand there with you on your big day. As nice as it is to get feedback from others, what really matters is what you and FI think of everything.
  Posted by vchan4[/QUOTE]
  
  
  
  Vchan and Melb hit the nail on the head! Presumably you chose her to stand next to you while you wed the man of your dreams. That is all she needs to do. It is wonderful you have your mother to help you also.

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• SSaltzman87 member

  

  November 2012

  I'm sure you have the best of intentions, but this isn't coming off well. No one is supposed to really be helping you except your FI and maybe a couple key family members. Like PPs have said, the person that's your MOH isn't supposed to be who can 'help the most' and honestly at this point, there's nothing that would be needed of an MOH right now. I wouldn't hold her lack of interest against her, that's only gonna backfire on you.

  
  

  My MOH is my older sister and she isn't super interested in wedding stuff, and since she lives in NY- I only see her about twice a year. All she's asked about is what I'd like to do for a Bachelorette party.

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• tandrosoff

  

  November 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2013-weddings_moh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:ea657a87-d1dc-4588-999f-31c9deeef720Discussion:99d75fbe-20ba-4a49-82e0-97e8bdfec354Post:8a144d3c-8765-46a3-a196-99793bb002bd">Re: MOH</a>:
  [QUOTE]I'm sure you have the best of intentions, but this isn't coming off well. No one is supposed to really be helping you except your FI and maybe a couple key family members. Like PPs have said, the person that's your MOH isn't supposed to be who can 'help the most' and honestly at this point, there's nothing that would be needed of an MOH right now. I wouldn't hold her lack of interest against her, that's only gonna backfire on you. My MOH is my older sister and she isn't super interested in wedding stuff, and since she lives in NY- I only see her about twice a year. All she's asked about is what I'd like to do for a Bachelorette party.
  Posted by SSaltzman87[/QUOTE]
  
  I do have the best intentions. As I stated, I don't expect anyone to be as involved or interested as my FI & myself because its OUR wedding. But I thought I'd have a little more support/ interest from her. I haven't said anything about her helping the most.. We've done mostly everything ourselves and thats how it should be. I'm just getting the feeling that she's not very interested & I had hoped she would be more & it makes me a little disappointed.. Thats all. I know what her life is like right now, I don't want to add more stress or pressure to everything else she has going on.

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• mysi019

  

  November 2012

  I get what your say saying. The way I look at it is... whats more fun than having your friends at your side during the fun planning stuff. I have some girls who literally want to be there for every little bit, ie picking out dresses, going dress shopping for myself, doing some of the decor DIY. One of my MOH ( i have 2) has taken 3 half days from work to do stuff (her choice NOT MINE). And I have one or 2 who either cant be here for any "additional" stuff but are asking for things that maybe she can do 2 states away and another who is local who is recently divorced, has two kids and went back to school. I make sure I ask her so she is included in stuff but I understand if  the only time she can be there is on May 25th (the day I get married). But i honestly dont think your wrong in having your feelings. There are some stuff that is way more fun with the girls then the FI.
  
  I do honestly have to say I am almost didnt read this post though becuase normally when someone posts something about there MOH or BM not being intrested they normally get rpped apart by a bunch of other posters. I am shocked that no one did this to you.

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