NWR: what would you do?

mica178 · December 2010

After we got married, my H joined my insurance plan. I referred him to a colleague of mine to have a routine physical exam. That colleague, who I really only know socially, apparently treated my H with disrespect and distrust, despite knowing that he's my husband and that H is a physician himself. My H honestly left that appointment and felt like sh*t for the rest of the day because my colleague wouldn't take my husband's word about his surgical history and didn't do a physical exam to see the scars for himself.

Would you call the colleague out? Or complain to the higher ups about this person's professionalism? I have done some soul searching, and I cannot imagine making a patient feel the way my H felt after that doctor's appointment, and I'm not sure if I'm just a more trusting doctor or if I'm stupid and naive and this guy is right not to trust my H for having some chronic pain issues.

Neither this "mean" doctor nor I have made partner in our group yet, so I don't really want to trample either of our careers, nor do I want to bring my H's medical history to the attention of my bosses, but I feel like people should know that this is the way this guy practices. And part of me wants to yell at this guy for making my H feel so horrible because that's just not right.

kikibaby · December 2010

I think your H should make the complaint, as he was the patient.

Beachy730 · December 2010

Ditto Kiki. Can he just call and make an anonymous complaint about him?

The only problem I could see is if you are competing against this guy to make partner or for advancements and it could look as though you are trying to make him look bad. Total hypothetical, but if you made the complaint it's possible it could be seen that way.

LDYGTR13 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-would-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6ce0a595-20a5-4cdf-9efd-30b456598778Post:1f875f9e-39ba-4e46-95a7-ee1eb933a9f2">Re: NWR: what would you do?</a>:
[QUOTE]I think your H should make the complaint, as he was the patient.
Posted by kikibaby[/QUOTE]

I agree. Keep yourself out of it.

I'm not gonna lie, I'm totally intrigued by what kind of cool scars your H must have from who knows what awesome surgery.

noodle_oo · December 2010

Yeah, I definitely don't think you should get involved. That seems like a conflict of interest on your part (especially if you are both competing for partner, but even if not, I woudln't get involved). If your husband was unhappy he should make a complaint. If it comes from you, that just gets office politics involved and you don't want to get into that.

annakb8 · December 2010

I also agree your H should be the one to make the complaint.

My mind is also blown by the fact that a doctor married to a doctor goes to another doctor for a routine physical exam. I guess it makes sense to have an unbiased opinion and all that, but it still interests me.

Snippylynn · December 2010

Here's the thing. I don't think there's any way for Mica to really keep herself out of it. If her H makes the complaint, the people will come to her and say, "Why didn't you talk to us about this?". If you, Mica, know any of the partners even a little bit, then I would take one aside and make it as private as possible so it can't be seen as talking bad about him.

Honestly, if the doctor really said/did these awful things, then he should be brought to the attention of the partners.

andy71781 · December 2010

I think you need to touch base with your colleague/your boss prior to your husband making a complaint - but I do think that a complaint should be made. That really sucks mica.

mica178 · December 2010

I can't prescribe certain medications to him as we have the same last name. Also, it'd drive me nuts to live with someone who could bug me about every sore throat. We need boundaries.

I told H to file a complaint against this guy, but he doesn't want to. Sigh.

H played a lot of sports in college and has scars all over his body. Both knees, a shoulder, both ankles, two back. Tons of smaller scars just from bad cuts that needed stitches (no one ever told me soccer was so darned violent!). More recently, an old injury flaired so he had intricate thumb surgery. He looks like Frankenstein. A cute Frankenstein, but still.

Eta: H doesn't want to report that guy because he doesn't want to rock the boat for me.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · December 2010

If your husband doesn't want to report it and rock the boat, I think you should do what he asks.

Honestly, I have trouble thinking of any scenario in which this wouldn't look like you were creating trouble for a colleague who is also your competitor.

georgia_bride09 · December 2010

Well, if nothing is said, chances are this doctor will be an A-hole to someone else.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-would-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6ce0a595-20a5-4cdf-9efd-30b456598778Post:f0fe47a7-96e3-4fac-9e01-5ec7586d0749">Re: NWR: what would you do?</a>:
[QUOTE]Well, if nothing is said, chances are this doctor will be an A-hole to someone else.
Posted by georgia_bride09[/QUOTE]

Yeah, but chances are also good she can hurt her own career. So really, what is one to do?

missy68 · December 2010

Mica, aren't you required to report him for unethical/illegal/potentially patient-harming behavior? Or does this not fall into that category? I mean, if he didn't physically examine your H, that would seem like it falls into the category.

mica178 · December 2010

I don't think it quite falls under illegal or unethical behavior. Just A-holery.

Well, we were thinking about moving. I'll file a complaint against him on H's behalf on my way out the door, if that happens. I can wait for now, although I think I'm going to advise H to go outside of my office for further care (esp since my colleague red flagged H's chart in our system). I just hate to think that this guy will make partner in a year or so and the organization will be stuck with him in the system being a jerk to patients. Honestly, this guy has the bedside manner of a rabid raccoon.

kikibaby · December 2010

I just feel like if Mica says something to him, she's basing it on hearsay. She knows her H isn't a liar, but I don't know how seriously the bosses would take her, YKWIM? Who's to say they wouldn't roll their eyes and think he was just whining to his wife?

I think the complaint would be more meaningful coming from the patient, regardless of that patient's relationship to others in the practice.

BUT, if her H doesn't want to complain, maybe Mica could say something to the other doctor about her H being uncomfortable with the way he was treated. But I don't think she should go to the higher ups about him.

Snippylynn · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-would-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6ce0a595-20a5-4cdf-9efd-30b456598778Post:7cc60180-ddcb-46c9-8b37-5c4f148403eb">Re: NWR: what would you do?</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't think it quite falls under illegal or unethical behavior. Just A-holery. Well, we were thinking about moving. I'll file a complaint against him on H's behalf on my way out the door, if that happens. I can wait for now, although I think I'm going to advise H to go outside of my office for further care (esp since my colleague red flagged H's chart in our system). I just hate to think that this guy will make partner in a year or so and the organization will be stuck with him in the system being a jerk to patients. Honestly, this guy has the bedside manner of a rabid raccoon.
Posted by mica178[/QUOTE]

I hate to think that doctor's get along in the system just because people are afraid to stand up and say something. Mica, I would suggest you take one of the partners aside. Him flagging your H's chart could cause problems for you both down the line.

NWR: what would you do?

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