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Bridal Shower Invite - How rude?!

Soon2BNicoleDSoon2BNicoleD
10 Comments
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
A friend of mine is aware that her BS is the day after my wedding (my wedding is a Friday), she lives out of state and the BS would be held here so they told her to make sure she didn't plan to head home early. 

She has asked a few times when I was leaving for my HM (Saturday pm) and said she'd make sure they scheduled the BS early so I could attend.  I kindly told her I would not be attending no matter what time, it's going to be a busy day. 

I get the invite yesterday, call her mom, and RSVP no.  There was a card included with the invite with a poem saying they wanted cash only.  Her mom told me I could still write a check, give it to her, and she would make sure it was there at the BS. 

Umm NO are you kidding me. First it's rude to ask, second to assume.

I feel like the only reason I was invited was so I would send money. 

Would you guys send a "gift"? or would opt not to participate?
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Re: Bridal Shower Invite - How rude?!

  • Stackeye210Stackeye210 member
    5000 Comments
    I would opt not to participate and give a gift at the wedding, and I'd also make sure it was a gift not money at the wedding.  What is the point of a cash bs?  Do you open up the cards and be like, "Oh, Cindy is a big spender, she gave me $75, but Emily what the f*ck, $20 - dig deeper for the wedding".  Like where does it stop?  Just not the point of a BS at all.  
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  • brenda2011Wed139476brenda2011Wed139476
    10 Comments
    I wouldn't give a gift at all.  To be that presumptuous and ask for cash is just plain RUDE!  It amazes me that there are books, magazines and websites available that tell people that the mention of gifts in invites, especially cash, is just plain bad etiquette.  Why don't people get it?
    BTW, you have enough on your mind than to worry about someone else's shower.  Enjoy your day and your honeymoon!
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  • Meegles4Meegles4 member
    1000 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    Eeewww.

    I'd probably opt not to participate and be really thankful I have an awesome honeymoon to go on instead of attending this lame shower.
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  • mbodymbody
    1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    Oh really, Can I still send a check?! Thanks Dude!

    You should ask your friend how much she's planning on giving you for your wedding and then tell her to subtract however much you'll give her for her shower and call it even.

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  • Soon2BNicoleDSoon2BNicoleD
    10 Comments
    Thanks ladies. Sometimes I get heated about this stuff and I'm like let me ask someone to make sure I'm not being ridiculous.

    I'm definitely not giving money at the wedding.  I just couldn't believe her mom. Like seriously, does she plan on asking every NO to send a check.
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  • AdeleDazeemAdeleDazeem member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridal-shower-invite-how-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e6c936b4-bd64-44c0-9bfa-0dfdef05214fPost:15b4ba1e-b5b0-4503-8010-33ef888e54fe">Bridal Shower Invite - How rude?!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Her mom told me I could still write a check, give it to her, and she would make sure it was there at the BS.
    Posted by Soon2BNicoleD[/QUOTE]

    bahahahahahahaha.

    ohmygod. 

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  • elldee333elldee333 member
    Second Anniversary 10 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridal-shower-invite-how-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e6c936b4-bd64-44c0-9bfa-0dfdef05214fPost:bc77394f-4363-4f79-9f9a-57641bd70ada">Re: Bridal Shower Invite - How rude?!</a>:
    [QUOTE]You should ask your friend how much she's planning on giving you for your wedding and then tell her to subtract however much you'll give her for her shower and call it even.
    Posted by mbody[/QUOTE]

    I second this.
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  • ceh789ceh789 member
    1000 Comments First Anniversary
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridal-shower-invite-how-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e6c936b4-bd64-44c0-9bfa-0dfdef05214fPost:15b4ba1e-b5b0-4503-8010-33ef888e54fe">Bridal Shower Invite - How rude?!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Her mom told me I could still write a check, give it to her, and she would make sure it was there at the BS.
    Posted by Soon2BNicoleD[/QUOTE]
    Wow.  I am rarely struck dumb but I would have absolutely no idea what to say to that.
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  • baystateapplebaystateapple member
    5000 Comments Fourth Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    That's pretty tacktastic.  I wouldn't go or send a gift.
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  • lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    It was rude to put in the invite they wanted cash for the shower.

    Mom was WAY out of line when you spoke to her.

    But if she was still a friend who was good enough to invite to my wedding I would still send a small gift.    

    Question?  Is this girl normaly like this?  Or is it mom is just out of control and your friend doesn't even know.   I think it's kind-of sucky to deny her a gift because mom is crazy?  KWIM?






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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  • achiduckachiduck member
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its
    That's pretty low. I wouldn't be going to a shower the day after my wedding either.

    Based on the friendship, I'd proabably still send a small gift, but I would send it to the bride and not her mother.
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  • MRSBJSMRSBJS member
    500 Comments
    I just got one of these - on the shower invitation it actually states "cash gifts only" - I'm VERY tempted not to go, but I don't really want to start shiit in my H's family.
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  • MiksChick23MiksChick23 member
    100 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridal-shower-invite-how-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e6c936b4-bd64-44c0-9bfa-0dfdef05214fPost:dbbcdfcb-e691-4934-ab42-aa3fc32e6e54">Re: Bridal Shower Invite - How rude?!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I just got one of these - on the shower invitation it actually states "<strong>cash gifts only"</strong> - I'm VERY tempted not to go, but I don't really want to start shiit in my H's family.
    Posted by MRSBJS[/QUOTE]

    So will I get booted if I bring an actual gift? What is wrong with people lately? Who in their right mind thought this would be ok? What is the point of a shower if there are only cash gifts? LAME!
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  • csharpe44csharpe44 member
    10 Comments
    OMG ppl amaze me!  And how exactly is this a 'poem' that they only want money?
    "Bring cash or don't bring your a$$"
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  • ceh789ceh789 member
    1000 Comments First Anniversary
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridal-shower-invite-how-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e6c936b4-bd64-44c0-9bfa-0dfdef05214fPost:dbbcdfcb-e691-4934-ab42-aa3fc32e6e54">Re: Bridal Shower Invite - How rude?!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I just got one of these - on the shower invitation it actually states "cash gifts only" - I'm VERY tempted not to go, but I don't really want to start shiit in my H's family.
    Posted by MRSBJS[/QUOTE]
    I'd kinda like to be invited to one of these because I totally can't imagine how it would even go.  Do they pass the checks around for people to admire?
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  • baystateapplebaystateapple member
    5000 Comments Fourth Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    My cousin had a wedding shower but she didn't have a registry, only a HM registry.  I ended up buying her a tangible gift because I felt really awkward going to the shower with a receipt from her HM registry.  The shower was sort of awkward in any case -- because there really wasn't a gift opening, the MOH kept up with a steady stream of games as filler, and the shower went on FOREVER.  Not fun.
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  • notyetavetnotyetavet
    100 Comments
    Maybe you should plan a very important brunch for the morning after her wedding, expect her to be there, and then ask her to cover her plate when she RSVPs.

    I agree with all of the PPs. I would not send her anything for the shower and certainly do not let anyone make you feel guilty for not attending.  I think you're allowed to have some time to yourself the day after your own wedding! 
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  • Megbo2012Megbo2012
    2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    Ugh. No I wouldn't send cash or a gift. She knew you weren't coming, invited you anyways (which I think is fine) but for her mom to be so pushy and remind you to send a check? Wtf. BJ I miss youu
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  • MJandDLMJandDL
    100 Comments
    Wow - I have no idea what I'd even say to that. Incredibly rude and tactless on her mom's part. That's going to be a terribly boring shower if all she is doing is opening money cards.
    "When life hands you lemons, make a beef stew." Andy Milinokis
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  • chelseamb11chelseamb11 member
    2500 Comments Third Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    Well if the bride is in the know of all this and is involved, I highly recommend sending a card with a check for about 25 cents.  They said a check can be sent... they just didn't specify how much.  I feel like a biitch for saying it, but maybe it'd put her in her place.

    If the bride has no idea about all of this (which I doubt), I agree to not punish her just because her host is all kinds of rude.
     
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  • KelaReneeKelaRenee
    100 Comments
    Give me all the monies now!
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  • chattychiqachattychiqa member
    100 Comments
    *wretches*
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  • TurtlesAllTheWayDownTurtlesAllTheWayDown member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited March 2012
    Lol. "Uh, thanks for letting me know I can write my friend a check. I wasn't aware." Undecided

    ETA: I didn't leave on my HM until two days after my wedding (to spend more time with OOT family), but I was still exhausted. I was up until after 2 the night of the wedding, got up around 8 to host breakfast for guests, drove our gifts and luggage home from the hotel, picked up our decorations at the venue, and dropped my mom, stepfather and brother off at the airport. No way would I have scheduled anything else. The entire reason I DIDN'T leave for the HM that day was because I was busy!
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  • MJandDLMJandDL
    100 Comments
    I was curious as to what a money poem would say so I googled:

    #1 - "Because at first we lived in sin
    We've got the sheets and a rubbish bin
    A gift from you would be swell
    But we'd prefer a donation to our Wishing Well!!"

    #2 - "To save you looking, shopping and buying,
    Here’s an idea we hope you like trying.
    As we have all the little things we require,
    Some money for bigger things is what we desire.
    So pop a check in a card,
    It really isn’t all that hard.
    Place your envelope in our “Treasure Chest”
    And we will shop for what is best.
    Now that we’ve saved you all that fuss,
    We hope you will come and celebrate with us."

    I would die laughing if I got one of these in the mail or saw it at a wedding!
    "When life hands you lemons, make a beef stew." Andy Milinokis
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  • schweetiecschweetiec member
    10 Comments First Anniversary
    My friend just recently did this, and I was appauled...she didnt include a poem, instead on the BS AND wedding invites they included multiple regesteries AND then said ' please we would prefer if you brought a gift in an envelope '.

    Why the hell did you include three regesteries then?! SO TACKY
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  • dubirddubird
    100 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridal-shower-invite-how-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e6c936b4-bd64-44c0-9bfa-0dfdef05214fPost:15b4ba1e-b5b0-4503-8010-33ef888e54fe">Bridal Shower Invite - How rude?!</a>:
    [QUOTE] Her mom told me I could still write a check, give it to her, and she would make sure it was there at the BS.
    Posted by Soon2BNicoleD[/QUOTE]

    I would send one of those giant novelty checks.  Add some balloons and glitter.
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  • eripat17eripat17
    10 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridal-shower-invite-how-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e6c936b4-bd64-44c0-9bfa-0dfdef05214fPost:2b2f5edf-a2e2-479b-8816-fd9e1b0a9278">Re: Bridal Shower Invite - How rude?!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridal Shower Invite - How rude?! : I'd kinda like to be invited to one of these because I totally can't imagine how it would even go.  Do they pass the checks around for people to admire?
    Posted by ceh789[/QUOTE]

    Well this would make Bridal Bingo so much easier!!!  =)  Unbelievable!  I wouldn't attend. It's beyond rude to demand a gift, never mind what type of gift!  Ugh!!!
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  • myname1234myname1234
    500 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridal-shower-invite-how-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e6c936b4-bd64-44c0-9bfa-0dfdef05214fPost:d266d5e8-1d61-44d9-a780-504fa3a569c4">Re: Bridal Shower Invite - How rude?!</a>:
    [QUOTE]OMG ppl amaze me!  And how exactly is this a 'poem' that they only want money? "<strong>Bring cash or don't bring your a$$"</strong>
    Posted by csharpe44[/QUOTE]

    that made me chuckle outloud.  love it!
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  • HoonahGraceHoonahGrace
    10 Comments

    I had a "friend" (FI's childhood friend really) send a shower invite saying something about "twice the things we need" yada yada. Well if they have twice the things they need, sell half and get money that way!
    But seriously, very tacky. Their justification was that they live in Canada (we're on the border for gosh sakes) and didn't want to hassle with customs. The nerve of some people.

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