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sweetcanadian1979 · March 2012

sorry had to delete this.

browner3 · March 2012

I would be furious too! Especially because it's his NEPHEW.

But while I was reading your post I wondered, "why is he jumping to the abuse so quickly and often?" Too much tv or what? Just something that popped in my head, but I totally agree that what he said was major jerkwad status. Not sure what he could do or say to make you feel better, but it sounds like they each need to go into a mediator and set ground rules for each other. If you SIL agreed to not go out when she has the kids or if that was just a rule he thought she should follow should definitely be discussed; but that is their business.

Perhaps take a few days to cool down then calmly speak to him about how hurt that made you feel that he would speak about his nephew that way and how you would never let him babysit if you didn't trust him yourself.

sweetcanadian1979 · March 2012

I agree about the mediation, but he would not go.
No she did not agree not to go out, when they were together she wasn't allowed out ever for any reason, but he was never ever home, he expected her at home all the time with the kids. He is an alcoholic.

My fiance will speak to him, i will not be calm in a few days. I am beyond hurt. I won't get over this i know that much, but i need to know how to NOT freak out, which is what i want to do so bad right now.

sweet_melissa81 · March 2012

I think this guy has some serious issues. If you can't help support your children then what gives you the right to criticize the one who is busting their ass to raise your children with absolutely no help from you?

I think you have every right to be pissed off! I knew as soon as you mentioned your son watching two little girls exactly where this post was going. I don't think you did anything wrong, but if I were you, I wouldn't put your son in that predicament again. Clearly this guy has some serious issues and this guy could make accusations that could seriously harm your son's reputation and impact his life beyond repair. He apologizes today, but next time he could take things even further.

This happened in our family as well. Someone made an accusation about a one of my older boy cousins who babysat for some of the little boys and it really bothered the one that was accused because he didn't do anything at all. For a long time it caused a lot of problems within our family.

midgetthemighty · March 2012

Umm Wow. That is definitely a jerk move. If he's an alcoholic, controlling and super paranoid about his daughters being abused by other men, I wouldn't be surprised if he was abusing them. Heck, being that controlling is a form of emotional abuse. Being an alcoholic, how does he even have part custody or solo visitation rights for his kids?

As for what he said about your son, that is ridiculous. I'd be pretty angry too but it's not worth holding onto it forever. Nothing is. I for sure wouldn't be telling him as many things about my life but try killing him with kindness once you've cooled off in a few weeks.

kelsey+brandon · March 2012

I know that terrible things were said, but holding a grudge and so strongly for a long period of time is only going to effect you in the long run. I hope that for your own sake, you'll be able to forgive after some time as passed, even though you might not be able to forget.

I think this issue is a lot deeper than him saying something about your son. It's sounds like your FBIL needs to get some serious help and his visitation abilities and rights need to be reviewed.

chelseakopperud · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_nwr-livid-beyond-belief-need-some-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:89e715b8-9fa9-438d-9060-fd6dfa82ebfcPost:7f0cfe8a-16c7-4c85-9ffa-52938df923c7">Re: NWR-Livid beyond belief & need some advice.</a>:
[QUOTE]I know that terrible things were said, but holding a grudge and so strongly for a long period of time is only going to effect you in the long run. I hope that for your own sake, you'll be able to forgive after some time as passed, even though you might not be able to forget. I think this issue is a lot deeper than him saying something about your son. It's sounds like your FBIL needs to get some serious help and his visitation abilities and rights need to be reviewed.
Posted by kelsey+brandon[/QUOTE]

This exactly.

michellep1 · March 2012

I agree with everything Kelsey said. Holding a grudge will only hurt you in the long run, chances are he doesn't care about your opinion of him (not meant against you, just because he seems like the kind of guy that doesn't care about much besides himself). Its so hard to forgive someone when they've really hurt you or those close to you, but it really is worth it in the end. I hope you can move on from this in time.

As for now, I would just suggest avoiding him and showing that you are the bigger person. You never know, maybe one day he will be on the path to recovery from his alcoholism & will deeply regret those he's hurt - you don't want to make the situation worse by reacting on the same level as him.

janeash · March 2012

Also agree with Kelsey. It's not worth hurting yourself over. YOU know your son and YOU know he wouldn't do it so don't even agonize over what someone else said about him. As Michelle said, be ther bigger person here and put it aside, at least so you can get through the next few months (and your wedding) without too much drama!!

Hope everything works out for you!

MMRoberts11 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_nwr-livid-beyond-belief-need-some-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:89e715b8-9fa9-438d-9060-fd6dfa82ebfcPost:c361b498-489d-40aa-967f-c734f7922f5b">Re: NWR-Livid beyond belief & need some advice.</a>:
[QUOTE] Its so hard to forgive someone when they've really hurt you or those close to you, but it really is worth it in the end. I hope you can move on from this in time. As for now, I would just suggest avoiding him and showing that you are the bigger person. You never know, maybe one day he will be on the path to recovery from his alcoholism & will deeply regret those he's hurt - you don't want to make the situation worse by reacting on the same level as him.
Posted by michellep1[/QUOTE]

I agree with everything everyone has said, especially this.

sweetcanadian1979 · March 2012

I won't forgive him, that won't happen. His relationship with his brother will not really be affected either.

I confronted him, he denied it of course, said he don't remember. I told him how i felt about the situation.

Guess will see what happens now. I will never look at him the same though unfortunately. I don't see how i could.

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