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I am so worried... T&P needed..

natalieervinnatalieervin member
First Comment
in Military Brides
So, for the past month FI had been acting really weird. He is in the Navy and lives 12 hours away from me. Anyway, he was having a really hard time because he was there when one of his patients died. He has somehow gotten it in his mind that it is his fault that the patient died. (It really isn't. I have heard the whole story and it was actually the patient's fault.) So to "cope" with his pain he has been going out to bars 3 to 4 times a week. This is very unusual for him since he really HATES going out anywhere. So he wasn't talking to me much, in fact he wasn't talking to anyone.

So, last night I get this text from some number I didn't know and they wouldn't tell me who it was. The text told me that FI had been sleeping with some girl from one of the bars he had been going to and had actually been staying there for the past two weeks. I called FI screaming and crying because I was so heart broken. FI said he had not cheated on me but if I would like to believe some random person I could. He continued to say things that eventually led to him saying that he didn't want to hurt me anymore. So we broke up..

I text his mom to tell her that she needed to talk to her son since in his own words he couldn't eat or sleep, he didn't want to get out of bed and he just didn't care anymore. I was really worried about him. She called him and he was highly irate that someone had sent me that text (from a text only phone we later found out. I didn't even know they had those!) saying that he had done that. His mom asked him if he had and he said NO. His mom called me after talking to him to tell me that everything was going to be okay. But I am so scared! I don't want to be apart. I just want to drive to him and hold him and tell him everything is going to be okay. He deleted his facebook last night. I guess so he didn't have to talk to anyone.

Anyway, I'm just sick to my stomach worried about him. I don't know what is going on. But as of right now, there will be no wedding.
Sorry this is so long..
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Re: I am so worried... T&P needed..

  • kyrgyzstankyrgyzstan member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    That all seems pretty crappy. Going out to bars 3/4 nights a week is pretty normal behavior for a service member who's just had a traumatic experience, but it's not a healthy one. I don't understand why someone would randomly get it in their head to send you that text, and him saying that you can believe what some random person said seems like classic non-denial. 

    I would probably go down if I could, but I would not go down without discomfort and suspicion. 

    I'm really sorry you're hurting, and I'm sorry that he's acting so strangely, and inappropriately (even if he's not cheating, bars 3/4 nights a week is the behavior of a single guy, not an engaged one).
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  • Beachy730Beachy730 member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Ditto everything Stan said.  I would try to go down there if you can.  It sounds like he needs to see and talk to someone about what he is going through, because just going out 3-4 nights a week is not dealing with the issue. 

    As for the text, nobody can really tell you what to do or believe.  It is really odd to me that someone would say that to you, or even have the opporunity to get your number, unless they know you or had access to his phone.  But there are lots of crazy bitches out there too who do things like that for fun.  So it's completely dependent on your level of trust with him and what you choose to believe.  I dont' think that would be an easy decision for anyone.

    And I am really sorry you're going through this.  Situations like this are extremely difficult, and being so far apart just makes it worse.  I hope you can figure things out soon, and hopefully everything works out for you, whichever end result that may be.
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  • natalieervinnatalieervin member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thank you both so much! He called earlier and we talked through a lot of things. We still have a lot of talking to do though. I honestly don't think that he cheated on me. I trust him with my life. Anyway, like I said we still have a lot of talking to do. It can't just go back to being fine. Thank you again!
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  • natalieervinnatalieervin member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    He actually did talk to someone today. He realized that he was having problems dealing with everything and seeked some help. I hope he continues to talk to the person. I didn't pry to much as to who he is talking to as long as he is talking and getting some help. He seemed a little more relaxed when we talked on the phone tonight. Not back to his self but definately better. I know it will take time for him to deal with everything, I just want him to know that I am here no matter how long it takes. Anyway, thank you so much for caring! And thank you for your advice! :)
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