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Pronouncement issue... HELP

asirak87asirak87
First Comment
in Indiana
My fiance is an athiest, I however consider myself angonostic. I beleive in a higher beaing just dont agree with some vales or standards of organized relgion... I want my brother to marry us but for the pronouncement he wants to say by the power vested in me, in the state, jesus christ and yadda yada  yadda... My other half wont stand for it and will not budge on him closing with god mentioned in it. I dont know what to do. I have tried putting my foot down but he doesn't budge. I want my brother to marry us.. no question.. and my brother requires to say it or I find someone else.I dont want someone else.
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Re: Pronouncement issue... HELP

  • shannon5176shannon5176
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Find someone else.  He already told you that if he can't say it he won't marry you.  He has his beliefs and you need to respect them even if they are not the same as yours.  Don't push.  You can easily find a JOP who will agree to say it however you like.
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  • lindenheartlindenheart
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I agree, find someone else. Do you really want your marriage to start with your FI pitted against your brother or vice versa? Rather than force one of them to do something against their beliefs and resent you and the other person, find someone who will word things in a way acceptable to you and your FI. Both of you are getting married, so the wording of the ceremony needs to be tolerable to both of you.
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  • inkygirlinkygirl member
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    edited December 2011
    I totally agree with the other two posters!
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  • asirak87asirak87
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Ok, I see where you guys are getting at and I do respect his beleifs BUT I told him that there would be no spiritual anything during the ceremony period, not scriptures , not songs, ect.. in exchange I want my brother to be the one to marry me but this is his request.. I am totally trying to be fair and although I don't want my wedding to be a church sermon I want my brother to do the wedding.
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  • lindenheartlindenheart
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    You are asking either your brother or your fiance to compromise on a religious belief

    Relationships are all about compromise. Give and take. However, asking someone to compromise on whose turn it is to do laundry or where you're going to spend your first 4th of July is completely different than asking someone to compromise their faith. You just don't do that. Period. I understand your wanting to have your brother marry you. I think it is sweet, but asking either your brother or your fiance to compromise in this situation is completely selfish of you. I'm not trying to be mean, but you are the one being unreasonable.
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  • asirak87asirak87
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Ok... so what about my beliefs? IM not athiest..... So all of you are saying his way or no way???
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  • lindenheartlindenheart
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Ok now wait, you are asking a different question. If YOU want god mentioned, that's different than your brother wanting to mention it, which is what your original question appeared to be. You wanting god mentioned and your FI not wanting it mentioned is probably the first in many hard conversations the two of you will have, or any couple will have when from 2 different religious backgrounds. Unfortunately only the two of you will be able to find an acceptable solution, BUT this discussion and whatever resolution you come to will really help prepare you guys for all of the other future conversations that will come from your religious differences. No, I don't think you should have to compromise any more than he should. I think the two of you need to brainstorm together and really talk through what is and is not going to be acceptable. I would do all of this soon and definitely don't ask anyone else to officiate until the two of you have hashed it out.

    I do wish you the best. FI and I have grown closer by having the tough conversations as will you and your FI
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  • asirak87asirak87
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Well I keep bring it up and how much it means to me and he wont budge... I not only want him to marry us because he is my brother but also because I know my brother is a good speaker and our wedding would be done beautifully by him. Me personally I am not an active church member and I could care less if it is said or not but this is what my brother (as an ordained misister is requiring) I do believe in a higher being but it's really hard to expalin. So my FI isn't going to budge on this one so either A a wedding wont happen or B I am gonna have to pay some random guy (IF I FIND ONE) to do the wedding.... It's not what I want at all...
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  • indyindy member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    I am with you on this. Does you fiance' have money in his pocket? If so, has he ever read the words on both coins and paper money? In God we trust is printed on all our currency so if he can use that, maybe he can concede to hearing the name of God at the end of the ceremony. And also, I am sure besides using your brother because of sentimental reasons, it will save you money too that you could put towards something else.

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