What to do with an 11 year old brother?

BrittM2013 · July 2012

Good Morning!

When we get married next year my young (and only brother) will be 11 years old. I am unsure of what to do with him. We would really like him involved somehow but he is in that age where he is not quite a groomsmen.

People have suggested having him do guest book but I would like him to have more involvement.

Anyone have some suggestions? Thanks in advance.

StephBeanWed61502 · July 2012

Guest book is a terrible, thankless job. Please don't make ANYONE do it. People can generally locate and sign something without the assistance of a babysitter. Personally, I don't see why he can't be a groomsman, or better yet, a "bridesman", meaning he can stand up for you on your side. Obviously he's not planning the bachelor party or anything, but I don't see how 11 is "too young" for him to dress nicely, walk down an aisle, and stand by your side while you take your vows.

BrittM2013 · July 2012

Thank you everyone for your input. I would love him to have a special role and to be a part of this day. I agree that the guestbook is a very thoughtless responsibility.

So my next question is if I already have wedding party decided (as well as my fiance) is it ok to have him just stand up on my side? Considering he won't have a "partner".

boomboom1243 · July 2012

I dont think theres a place for a 11 year old to be a groomsmen I don't think it would be appropriate. But I am also against junior bridesmaids. I think you need to be mature to be either and I dont think children/teenagers take it as seriously or help out as much. And with the parties they really can't be involved in those either. I would ask him if he would like to be in the wedding because he may not want to be, if he does let him be an usher or ring bearer or even have him read a poam or passage at the ceremony.

MrsL2014 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_what-to-do-with-an-11-year-old-brother?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:72223f27-5bdc-4ba9-b412-fe017a85685fPost:4191972f-570d-47a5-a73f-2a6b2211765e">Re:What to do with an 11 year old brother?</a>:
[QUOTE]Guest book is a terrible, thankless job. Please don't make ANYONE do it. People can generally locate and sign something without the assistance of a babysitter. Personally, I don't see why he can't be a groomsman, or better yet, a "bridesman", meaning he can stand up for you on your side. Obviously he's not planning the bachelor party or anything, but I don't see how 11 is "too young" for him to dress nicely, walk down an aisle, and stand by your side while you take your vows.
Posted by StephBeanWed61502[/QUOTE]

Agreed, I know my wedding is a few years away and my little cousin will be 13 at the time of the wedding, but she is 11 right now and knows she will be a bridesmaid AT LEAST! She is mature enough and she likes the idea of being up there with me, so even if I got married tomorrow and she is 11 she still knows what she is doing. I am thinking of even putting her as a Maid of Honor and just having 2 MOHs and no BMs.

MrsL2014 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_what-to-do-with-an-11-year-old-brother?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:72223f27-5bdc-4ba9-b412-fe017a85685fPost:0275c7a5-c5cb-457f-a879-dea2f1e2baef">Re: What to do with an 11 year old brother?</a>:
[QUOTE]I dont think theres a place for a 11 year old to be a groomsmen I don't think it would be appropriate. But I am also against junior bridesmaids. I think you need to be mature to be either and I dont think <strong>children/teenagers take it as seriously or help out as much</strong>. And with the parties they really can't be involved in those either. I would ask him if he would like to be in the wedding because he may not want to be, if he does let him be an usher or ring bearer or even have him read a poam or passage at the ceremony.
Posted by boomboom1243[/QUOTE]

Really? It isnt their job to help out, they show up the day of the wedding and stand next to you while you get married. Anything other than that is not their job. And trust me an 11 year old can take things seriously for 30 mins.

MJandDL · July 2012

He doesn't have to attend crazy bachelor parties to be considered a groomsman. But since he is your brother, you could have him stand on your side if you like. I also don't have a problem calling someone a Jr. GM or BM if they are younger, but I know some people do. But really...what ever you call him, if you want him standing up there with you, you should ask him too.

kmmssg · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_what-to-do-with-an-11-year-old-brother?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:72223f27-5bdc-4ba9-b412-fe017a85685fPost:0275c7a5-c5cb-457f-a879-dea2f1e2baef">Re: What to do with an 11 year old brother?</a>:
[QUOTE]I dont think theres a place for a 11 year old to be a groomsmen I don't think it would be appropriate. But I am also against junior bridesmaids. I think you need to be mature to be either and I dont think children/teenagers take it as seriously or help out as much. And with the parties they really can't be involved in those either. I would ask him if he would like to be in the wedding because he may not want to be, if he does let him be an usher or ring bearer or even have him read a poam or passage at the ceremony.
Posted by boomboom1243[/QUOTE]

<div>I'm sorry but this is as bad as your abortion/adoption post the other day because someone thought they might be unexpectedly pregnant. OP - Younger people ARE appropriate in wedding parties because age has no bearing on any responsibilities. This is just hogwash.</div><div>
</div><div>Another idea for you - he could be the escort for your grandmothers and mom. My DS is much younger than his sisters and would not have been comfortable in the wedding party. he was my escort for 2 of the weddings. Just thought I would share that.</div>

BrittM2013 · July 2012

He does very much want to be included. When I told him we were engaged his first question was how he could help out!

I will ask him what he would like to do but I was thinking stand up with me as an "extra" or he could Usher.

MrsL2014 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_what-to-do-with-an-11-year-old-brother?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:72223f27-5bdc-4ba9-b412-fe017a85685fPost:89fe6055-d20e-4c52-abdd-58e989018083">Re: What to do with an 11 year old brother?</a>:
[QUOTE]He does very much want to be included. When I told him we were engaged his first question was how he could help out! I will ask him what he would like to do but I was thinking stand up with me as an "extra" or he could Usher.
Posted by BrittM2013[/QUOTE]

Dont use the word "extra" though. He is just a bridesman, but he still gets to wear what you decide. He doesnt NEED to have a partner during the ceremony, he can walk himself. Uneven sides are completely okay. I am having my two girls and my FI is already looking at at least 4 guys if not more.

BrittM2013 · July 2012

That is what I was meaning by extra with him not having that partner. I think he would be more than thrilled to have that kind of role and it would make me very happy!

Thank you everyone for all of your input and suggestions, something to think about

balletdawn · July 2012

I was only 12 when my sister got married. I was in her wedding party and I'm pretty sure I didn't do anything to help out...not that I can remember. My daughter was 17 when I got married and she didn't do much, but it was important to me to have her nearby and I love seeing the pictures of her standing with my other favorite ladies near me. I think your brother would be honored, if not now then someday when he's old enough to appreciate it.

My daughter didn't attend all parties, but she understood. She came to the daytime activiites of my bachelorette party (boat trip and dinner) and then went home when we went out drinking. As an 11 y.o. I'm sure he gets that adults do things that kids are not involved in.

BrittM2013 · July 2012

Thank you so much for that input. I just didn't want to have him standing up with me but then not feel included in things, such as having a partner. I will have to talk to him and see what he feels comfortable doing. Thank you!

MrsL2014 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_what-to-do-with-an-11-year-old-brother?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:72223f27-5bdc-4ba9-b412-fe017a85685fPost:2c4beba4-b147-459d-ab07-32eb970d0472">Re: What to do with an 11 year old brother?</a>:
[QUOTE]I just dont think they can help plan certain things, understand fully the responsibilites, plus I would feel bad if I was excluded from things. . If you have someone in a wedding party they should be invoilved in EVERYTHING not just show up they need to be around and contribute as much as everyone else in the party. It just my opinion because I dont think being in the wedding party is standing up there and supporting you because thats what a guest is and does that although they are just not standing up there with you. <strong>Bridesmaids and groomsmen are there to help you through your planning and wedding</strong> sorry if i take it more seriously then everyone but thanks again for the attack over nothing these are such fun forums.
Posted by boomboom1243[/QUOTE]

No, they are there to stand up next to you and support you on your day. They are not your slaves during the planning process. If they are willing to help and want to they are always more than welcomed to, but this is not their job. If you need help, your FI needs to help or you hire someone to help you.

balletdawn · July 2012

My sister couldn't help with planning, or come to most of the pre-wedding festivities, because she lives 3000 miles away. I guess I should've kicked that beech to the curb.

boomboom1243 · July 2012

attacking people is fun huh

pedulaney · July 2012

Could he help usher? What about being an attendant or junior groomsman?

StephBeanWed61502 · July 2012

In Response to Re:What to do with an 11 year old brother?:[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What to do with an 11 year old brother?:attacking people is fun huhPosted by boomboom1243We're not attacking you.nbsp; We just disagree that an eleven year old is incapable of being a groomsmen. Posted by edielaura[/QUOTE]

She's being attacked WITH LOGIC, edie. And we all know logic is painful.

StephBeanWed61502 · July 2012

In Response to Re:What to do with an 11 year old brother?:[QUOTE]In Response to Re:What to do with an 11 year old brother?:In Response to Re:What to do with an 11 year old brother?: She's being attacked WITH LOGIC, edie. And we all know logic is painful.Posted by StephBeanWed61502It's right up there with mace. Posted by edielaura[/QUOTE]

But is it as bad as bear mace?

allychase · July 2012

I have 8 siblings, ranging from ages 18 to 2 years old. They are ALL in the wedding party, either as a maid of honor, junior bridesmaid, junior groomsman, flower girl, or ring bearer. My 15 year old brother is a junior groomsman because he's simply too young to attend any other groomsman activity besides the wedding. My 12 year old sister is a junior bridesmaid for the same reason, although obviously she'll be at the shower. Which is completely fine, the biggest part is involving them in your big day, since it means a lot to them. My brother will wear a tux, my sister a dress, they'll smile pretty, and enjoy the party. They will also be the only children there.

Edit: if you don't like the title "junior groomsman", there is no problem with your brother just being a groomsman. That's all details, the most important part is he's up there with you.

BrittM2013 · July 2012

I am no expert but in MY opinion they are not in your wedding to slave and cater to your every need. While they generally end up helping out, I would never expect them to be my slave.

My brother could be there for whatever he would be allowed to (age appropriate) but all I can ask of him (and other attendants) is that they love and support us.

ems27 · July 2012

I would definitely ask him to stand for you; also, bachelor parties don't have to just be ragers, BIL and his guys went paintballing and then out later that night so that my bro could go with them for part of the celebration :-)

Also... what's a poam?

MrsL2014 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_what-to-do-with-an-11-year-old-brother?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:72223f27-5bdc-4ba9-b412-fe017a85685fPost:614ae7c1-bc1b-4fc8-bae9-ae3887d87d52">Re: What to do with an 11 year old brother?</a>:
[QUOTE]I would definitely ask him to stand for you; also, bachelor parties don't have to just be ragers, <strong>BIL and his guys went paintballing and then out later that night so that my bro could go with them for part of the celebration</strong> :-) Also... what's a poam?
Posted by ems27[/QUOTE]

LOVE!

and I believe they mean poem

Girlie1030 · July 2012

Way to go Britt!

Boomboom, just go.

allychase · July 2012

Well to each their own. Neither of them care what their title is, in our family there have been a ton of junior bridesmaids, no one's been offended, they have all had just as much fun as anyone else in the wedding and definitely didn't feel less included. My sister is 12, all she cares about is toys and Disney channel, she just wants to get her hair done and wear a fancy dress on the big day. She also understands she's about 10-15 years younger than the rest of the bridesmaids, and the title "junior" doesn't make this stand out to her any more than it already does.

allychase · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_what-to-do-with-an-11-year-old-brother?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:72223f27-5bdc-4ba9-b412-fe017a85685fPost:614ae7c1-bc1b-4fc8-bae9-ae3887d87d52">Re: What to do with an 11 year old brother?</a>:
[QUOTE]I would definitely ask him to stand for you; also, bachelor parties don't have to just be ragers, <strong>BIL and his guys went paintballing and then out later that night so that my bro could go with them for part of the celebration </strong>:-) Also... what's a poam?
Posted by ems27[/QUOTE]

<div>Really like this idea. My FI is going camping for his bach party, so my 19 year old brother who is a groomsman will be able to attend since it doesn't involve the casinos or anything. </div>

allychase · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_what-to-do-with-an-11-year-old-brother?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:72223f27-5bdc-4ba9-b412-fe017a85685fPost:4eab54a3-43f3-4e8a-88a5-15c5c1524d8c">Re: What to do with an 11 year old brother?</a>:
[QUOTE]Eh, if that's what's done in your circle, then fine. I think 'junior' anything makes them sound like a prop more than anything.
Posted by jcbsjr[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I can assure you no one views my BROTHER AND SISTER as a prop, that's actually really rude to say that, and I promise you they're just as excited about being in the wedding as anyone else. Maybe you could consider them a "prop" if we had them come only to the ceremony and not the reception. I'm not going to rethink something I've seen done a million times because a few people on the internet don't agree with it. I wasn't asking for opinions- I was telling OP about my similar circumstance. So thanks, but no thanks, for your opinion.

</div>

allychase · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_what-to-do-with-an-11-year-old-brother?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:72223f27-5bdc-4ba9-b412-fe017a85685fPost:da087ed8-95b6-4efd-a346-ba68a128ac0f">Re: What to do with an 11 year old brother?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What to do with an 11 year old brother? : It's not the worst thing you can do but a 12 year old might know the difference.
Posted by edielaura[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>That's one of the biggest problems with threads like this- there isn't a standard 12 year old kid. Some act like 6 year olds, some are 12 going on 25. I know my sister better than anybody on this website, I know she doesn't want to be a flower girl, and I know she's excited to be a junior bridesmaid. It's not an insulting title, it makes her feel like she's one of the grown ups because she isn't a flower girl. I don't understand why people make such a big deal out of it. If it insults the child you're asking, then don't call them a junior. My sister hasn't even thought twice about being called a junior bridesmaid. She knows she isn't an adult. Like I said- to each their own.

</div>

allychase · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_what-to-do-with-an-11-year-old-brother?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:72223f27-5bdc-4ba9-b412-fe017a85685fPost:2b64cd6b-55c6-4264-9411-de5f3cdbf7e3">Re: What to do with an 11 year old brother?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What to do with an 11 year old brother? : So you can give your opinion but she can't give hers?
Posted by edielaura[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Who am I insulting with my opinion? Who in her family did I call a prop?

</div>

Girlie1030 · July 2012

Geez Ally, lighten up. She only said if it's the norm in your circle then cool but it's not in hers so it sounds like a prop title to her. She didn't call your brother and sister props.

allychase · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_what-to-do-with-an-11-year-old-brother?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:72223f27-5bdc-4ba9-b412-fe017a85685fPost:83df51a2-baf4-46a3-95a9-e876e538d5a0">Re: What to do with an 11 year old brother?</a>:
[QUOTE]Geez Ally, lighten up. She only said if it's the norm in your circle then cool but it's not in hers so it sounds like a prop title to her. She didn't call your brother and sister props.
Posted by Girlie1030[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Alright alright. Just seemed like a poor choice of wording on her part. Not a big deal. I'm over it.

</div>

What to do with an 11 year old brother?

Re: What to do with an 11 year old brother?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards