Telling the Ex about the Engagement

Sarahkayfa · April 2011

I spoke to my ex husband today. His live-in girlfriend is pregnant and we are on speaking terms, so I wanted to check on them to see how they're doing.

He asked about my partner's work, and told me not to rush into getting married again, because I had to 'find out if I could could really stick with someone through good times and bad.'

I told him that my partner and I aren't rushing into anything, but we are getting married, and I thought it was best that he heard it from me.

I know he was a little hurt, because he made a sharp comment about how lonely I'd be in a marriage to someone in the airline industry(a reference to our marriage.) But overall, he handled it pretty well. And I have to be honest- I've been dreading this conversation for almost a year. I feel relieved.

gupsmom · April 2011

Whew! At least it's over! I'm not telling my ex anything. We have kids together and well, he's a jerk - he's evil & vindicitive and his live-in is my stalker. None of his business what I do, or hers.

Sarahkayfa · April 2011

If I were you- I wouldn't tell him anything either!

My ex and I still have a couple of financial obligations together(a small loan my parents co-signed on, and a car he's almost paid off) so keeping on good terms is essential. I was worried there'd be an issue there if I told him.

mdoyle1217 · April 2011

I haven't told my ex-husband that I'm engaged yet either....And wasn't really planning on it. He lives 4 hours away but we do have two boys together (9 and 7). He re-married (to his cousin....but that's a different story alltogether...) and never said a word about it to me AND didn't even include our children in his ceremony or whatever they did. The kids came home after a weekend with him and said, "Guess what Mom...We have a new step-mom!" So...I don't really think I owe him anything.

LMB311 · April 2011

My FI told his ex who he has children with and is a nutso and she flipped.

We also don't give a flying f if she is engaged or married or whatever.

They are exes for a reason.

Sarahkayfa · April 2011

I'd love it my ex got remarried! I really do want that for him.

SoSaysTara · April 2011

My ex got engaged like.. a month before me. He made this huge production of calling and telling me. It was really bizarro. Especially since he had basically propositioned me to go back to him like .. 3months before he got engaged (um, no thanks!). Odd. Odd. Odd.

We don't have kids together or really any reason to still communicate at all.

I didn't make a big thing of telling him. He must have found out though, because he made ANOTHER huge production of calling and congratulating me. Dumb.

Littlered8034 · April 2011

My fiance was once married before. They have a beautiful daughter together who is still very young.

They actually met through me initially and she was an awful friend about everything once they started to become serious.

I adore his daughter and think he is amazing. but their marriage came to a bitter end and we are still not friends to this day.

I hadn't expected to wind up with him after everything.. but he and his baby are my world.

Now I don't know if we should even tell her about the wedding 1. because I'm not sure she deserves the courtesy and 2.because I am worried about how it will affect the joint custody of his daughter, as they have not had a formal custody hearing.

I am certain, however, that I am a bigger person than her (at least the person that she used to be) and want to do the right thing for all parties involved.

Any advice?

Sarahkayfa · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_telling-ex-engagement?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:35Discussion:2691978b-f507-4f98-aa11-2a81187c8859Post:cfc4499c-4c6d-4435-a586-ef116f77e884">Re: Telling the Ex about the Engagement</a>:
[QUOTE]My fiance was once married before. They have a beautiful daughter together who is still very young. They actually met through me initially and she was an awful friend about everything once they started to become serious. I adore his daughter and think he is amazing. but their marriage came to a bitter end and we are still not friends to this day. I hadn't expected to wind up with him after everything.. but he and his baby are my world. Now I don't know if we should even tell her about the wedding 1. because I'm not sure she deserves the courtesy and 2.because I am worried about how it will affect the joint custody of his daughter, as they have not had a formal custody hearing. I am certain, however, that I am a bigger person than her (at least the person that she used to be) and want to do the right thing for all parties involved. Any advice?
Posted by Littlered8034[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>That sounds scary Littlered. Can you get a consult with a family lawyer and put together a plan or find out what your options are based on how she reacts? Where in CO are you?

</div>

prodigalgirl · April 2011

If my ex and I didn't have kids together, I'd never have told him anything at all. In fact, we'd never speak and I would LOVE that!

But, I felt that, having kids together, I needed to tell him because it drastically affects our kids. I told him when I started feeling like FI was someone I WOULD marry and then I told him when we got engaged.

He didn't handle either well.

All he wanted to know was whether I'd let him reduce child support payments because he didn't "want to pay for family vacations to Costa Rica." Sigh.

ReidBreiling · April 2011

My ex flat out asked me one day if I had any plans of getting re-married. Given we have kids together, I told him yes and he asked me if it was with the bf. I told him we are unofficially engaged and planning on getting married. He didnt like either and didnt take it very well. Then I was told how selfish I am.

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