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Worried...

ShyDreamer00ShyDreamer00
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in Chit Chat
Here's the deal...my FI is part Puerto-Rican and so he has a large immediate and extended family. He has 1 full sister and 8 half-siblings, plus half aunts/uncles, full aunts and uncles, etc...my FI and I both agreed that all siblings, all aunts and uncles, and first cousins would be invited. I also have a decent size extended family....however, my worry with his side is that his mom has repeatedly said that Puerto Ricans don't RSVP and that they tend to bring their children to every family event whether the invitation included them or not. We are having some children-our daughter and FI's immediate family (so half siblings) and first cousins who are under 18, but that is the cut-off. So now I have this thought running through my head of who will show up, but not have RSVP'd, LOL.
However, I will say that when we had our baby shower only his 1 cousin from the puerto rican side showed up which was surprising considering how much my FMIL tried to prepare me for how things were done regarding Puerto Rican events. I was kinda irritated the my FMIL wanted to invite all of them again when they didn't bother to come to our baby shower, but whatever. I will say that of those who didn't show, not a single one called to say that they wouldn't make it-they just didn't show. I did forwarn my FMIL that she will need to put the word out about no kids and I have a feeling I'm going to have to ask her to track down RSVP's too....sigh
Sorry-has anyone else experienced this?
Also, if people bring additional guests or children to the wedding that they did not RSVP for or were not even invited-how does one handle that? lol
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Re: Worried...

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    MoonlightSilverMoonlightSilver member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    Most brides end up calling a couple of family members to ask about RSVPs. All you need to do is put the names of each individual you are inviting on your invites (so Jim and Jane Smith instead of "The Smith Family"). If someone returns the RSVP with extra people on it (Jim, Jane and little Suzy) you can call them up and explain that the invitation was only for Jim and Jane, and that you can't accomodate little Suzy (and you hope they can still make it).  Once your RSVP date arrives, wait a few days for stragglers and then call anyone who didn't RSVP yet to ask them if they will be able to attend the wedding. 

    If people show up the day of the wedding with kids that weren't invited, there's not much you can do. Your coordinator or the person in charge at your venue should be able to set up a few extra tables and chairs if necessary. You can't really hire security to throw people's kids out unless you want to alienate the family. 
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    Queen JaneQueen Jane member
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    We were in a similar situation. You may have to wind up calling them to find out, but that is pretty normal anyhow. Like PP said, print their names on the RSVP card. We had a DW, so didn't have anyone just "show up", but if they do your coordinator should be able to handle it.
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    JaniV123JaniV123 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    ok when you say Puerto rican, do they live here on the island or do they live in the states??

    1. I am from puerto rico and whenever there is a family event everyone rsvp's. so it may just be his family
    2. if they have to travel for your wedding remember that that will most likely cut down your list by a bunch since not many are going to be able to make it, the airfare on the island is ridiculous. 
    3. i find it kind of rude of your FMIL to say ALL puerto ricans bring their kids everywhere, at least my friends and family are really strict about if the celebration is kid appropiate or not. 

    like the PP said spread the word about the no kids things although if people are going to travel its kind of complicated to travel without your kids and if they bring them there is not much you can do. Also wait un til your RSVP deadline to call everyone who didnt answer and such. 

    HTH


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    ShyDreamer00ShyDreamer00
    First Comment
    Thanks for the advice-I guess I just don't feel that I should have to accommodate those who haven't accommodated my requests for my wedding. Why should I make a special exception for you when all of the other guests did what they were supposed to do? Plus we do have assigned seats, an outside vendor for chair covers/table runners/sashes, and if people just show up and I set up an extra table it will not have the decorations of all of the others. I've never even really met his half of his Puerto-Rican relatives as they are half sisters/brothers of the FMIL. My FI hasn't seen any of them in about 4-5 years. I guess I'm just hoping is another no call/no show for us rather than show up with no rsvp and kids, lol
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    Ali092011Ali092011 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
    I can relate to your problem. FI is from a small town in Mexico, and when people in his community have parties, everyone is invited. Kids, grandparents, fifth cousins, neighbors, etc. An invitation is basically a blanket invitation to the whole town. Even when they have parties here in the US, invited guests almost always bring their own guests. We've declined so many verbal "invitations" from his friends to baptisms, graduation parties, quinceneras, and even wedding receptions because I didn't even know the hosts.

    I asked FI how they handle super-fancy, super-expensive parties and/or parties where you need a headcount. He said, "Easy. For those parties the people who were invited get a ticket that they check at the door." Yeah, that's not gonna work either for our wedding...

    We've decided just to go ahead and invite the five or six people that we weren't planning on inviting, but we know would just include themselves. We don't dislike any of them, and that way we can have an accurate count of who's really coming.

    You seem to have a larger group of people to accomodate than I do, though, so unfortunately I don't have much advice. Just wanted to say you're not alone.
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    librababylibrababy
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    FI's family is allergic to RSVP so I know I will be on the phone (or FB since about 90% of live on there) stalking the non-rsvp-ers. 

    As for people just showing up with extra guests or withoout having rsvp'd, there isn't much you can do about it. Just try and accommodate them as graciously as you can. For that, you want want to pad on extras jic (extra chairs, linens, favors, food). Betterto have  too much than not enough.
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