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I'm afraid my inlaws will ruin our wedding

emilybpersademilybpersad
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
This may be a new question but I'm afraid my inlaws who are loud and disrespectful will ruin my wedding. I got married in a civil ceremony 9 months ago and they have already broke up my marriage 3 times and threatened my husband to cut him off if he didn't divorce me, they did this because I suffer from Bipolar Disorder and only my husband new about it. Now my husband and I are back together, happy and planning our 2013 wedding ceremony reception. My family is the opposite, they are quick to give you a piece of their mind but they are respectful and accepting of individuals choices and love and respect my husband. But my inlaws don't even speak to me and I don't see them at all! My sister in law went as far as threatening to kill me and then said that's how their family jokes around! In my ideal world I would cut out his family completely but I know I can't do that! Help!
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Re: I'm afraid my inlaws will ruin our wedding

  • Sharpschruter22Sharpschruter22 member
    Fourth Anniversary 500 Comments 25 Love Its
    ...You may want to change your wording to vow renewal. You cannot possibly have a wedding because you are already married. Vow renewal, sure. Anniversary party, yes. Wedding? no. Not unless you are legally divorced and then re marry. I'm afraid it is too late for me to wrap my head around this family drama, so I'm afraid I have no helpful advice on that. Just wanted to give you a heads up. This board will erupt into WWIII if you start talking about your wedding when you've already been married awhile. Curious why? Let's all have a chat and discuss that. :D Where's Stage Manager?
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  • MeghannsixMeghannsix member
    500 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Love Its
    I can't believe this is real, too much drama in one little post.  I'm calling MUD
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  • jessicabessicajessicabessica member
    2500 Comments Third Anniversary 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    You are already married (congratulations!).  It sounds like you had a rocky start to your marriage, so I understand why you might want to renew vows, but I think you still have some work to do.  You haven't resolved anything with his family.  You need to have a serious talk with your H about how you're going to proceed going forward.  How does he feel about how his family treats you?  How in the world did they break up your marriage 3 times in 9 months?  Have you been to couples counseling?  

    Then, if you want to plan a vow renewal or anniversary party down the line, go for it.  Do not shape your relationship with your ILs around a party--you need to work that out beforehand.  
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  • StephBeanWed61502StephBeanWed61502 member
    2500 Comments Third Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    The easiest solution here is to be happy with the wedding you already had and work on moving forward in your clearly extremely tumultuous marriage. Frankly, I think the money you'd be throwing down on a "wedding" would be much better spent on counseling for you and your husband to learn how to set appropriate boundaries with his family. If his family was able to "break up" your marriage several times in the course of less than a year, it's pretty flipping obvious he has no idea how to set boundaries or stick up for himself with them. Not to be dire about it, but I really don't see how your marriage can survive if he doesn't learn this skill. Worry about your in laws ruining your MARRIAGE instead of your "wedding" and use your money to get help with that, instead of throwing yourself a princess party. Priorities. You both need them.
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  • sarahnealsarahneal member
    First Comment
    Why are you having a ceremony and inviting people who you clearly know will possibly ruin your wedding?  I don't get that.  You already know the outcome it seems, so why don't you just change the plan so you don't have to worry about something that you clearly know will happen. 
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  • lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    So you have been married for 9 months and have broken up 3 times?  On average every 3 months you break up.   Sorry, those are not very good odds.   I wouldn't put much faith in your marriage either.  

    Honestly, I would skip this whole vow renewal until you are a little more solid in your relationship.  Having a PPD is not all the sudden going to make your marriage solid and secure. 

    Maybe plan on for your 5th would be better.






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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I agree with other posters.  Use the money that you are putting towards your vow renewal and use it for some couples counseling.  You have a major husband problem here.  He is letting his family treat you like crap and allowing them to come between the two of you.  It sounds like your husband needs to learn to respect you and your relationship more and grow a backbone to tell his family to back the hell off.

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  • samantha24psamantha24p
    500 Comments
    edited October 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_im-afraid-my-inlaws-will-ruin-our-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:6bb4ad45-ed8e-42d0-a8ef-9583f1c277d6Post:20ed7df6-1f5e-4f2b-ac4e-79f0e1797fdd">Re:I'm afraid my inlaws will ruin our wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]If your husband allows his family to get between you and break you two up, and does not stand up for you when his sister threatens to kill you, you have a husband problem not an inlaw problem.
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]



    Yeah this is what I was thinking.
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  • courtski2004courtski2004 member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_im-afraid-my-inlaws-will-ruin-our-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6bb4ad45-ed8e-42d0-a8ef-9583f1c277d6Post:dc0467b7-52b8-4c43-9be6-c89784b7b297">I'm afraid my inlaws will ruin our wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]This may be a new question but I'm afraid my inlaws who are loud and disrespectful will ruin my wedding. I got married in a civil ceremony 9 months ago and they have already broke up my marriage 3 times and threatened my husband to cut him off if he didn't divorce me, they did this because I suffer from Bipolar Disorder and only my husband new about it. Now my husband and I are back together, happy and planning our 2013 wedding ceremony reception. My family is the opposite, they are quick to give you a piece of their mind but they are respectful and accepting of individuals choices and love and respect my husband. <strong>But my inlaws don't even speak to me and I don't see them at all</strong>! My sister in law went as far as threatening to kill me and then said that's how their family jokes around! In my ideal world I would cut out his family completely but I know I can't do that! Help!
    Posted by emilybpersad[/QUOTE]

    <div>If you don't see or speak to your IL's, how on earth do they stir up so much drama? </div><div>
    </div><div>You and your husband would be better off putting those vow renewal funds toward counseling sessions if his family is causing you to break up every 3 months on average. It sounds like he needs a backbone and it would do some good for him to stand up for you to his family. </div><div>
    </div><div>And because I'm curious, how did his family treat you before you two got married?</div>
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  • MoonlightSilverMoonlightSilver member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer
    edited October 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_im-afraid-my-inlaws-will-ruin-our-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6bb4ad45-ed8e-42d0-a8ef-9583f1c277d6Post:20ed7df6-1f5e-4f2b-ac4e-79f0e1797fdd">Re:I'm afraid my inlaws will ruin our wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]If your husband allows his family to get between you and break you two up, and does not stand up for you when his sister threatens to kill you, you have a husband problem not an inlaw problem.
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

    <div>Ditto this, exactly. Why doesn't your husband stand up for you? If my parents were that horrible to my new partner, I would probably cut them out of my life (at least until they learned to be respectful). Your husband lets his parents control him still, and that's how it will continue to be in your marriage, unless something changes. </div>
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  • crash2729crash2729 member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 5 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_im-afraid-my-inlaws-will-ruin-our-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:6bb4ad45-ed8e-42d0-a8ef-9583f1c277d6Post:dc0467b7-52b8-4c43-9be6-c89784b7b297">I'm afraid my inlaws will ruin our wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]This may be a new question but I'm afraid my inlaws who are loud and disrespectful will ruin my wedding. I got married in a civil ceremony 9 months ago and they have already broke up my marriage 3 times and <strong>threatened my husband to cut him off if he didn't divorce me</strong>, they did this because I suffer from Bipolar Disorder and only my husband new about it. Now my husband and I are back together, happy and planning our 2013 wedding ceremony reception. My family is the opposite, they are quick to give you a piece of their mind but they are respectful and accepting of individuals choices and love and respect my husband. But my inlaws don't even speak to me and I don't see them at all! My sister in law went as far as threatening to kill me and then said that's how their family jokes around! In my ideal world I would cut out his family completely but I know I can't do that! Help!
    Posted by emilybpersad[/QUOTE]

    Like financially? I'd cut my kids off too if they got married. Time to put up or shut up.

    So are you legally divorced? I'd put off the wedding for a while because if you're splitting up every three months, that's excessive and it can't all be caused by in-laws.
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  • zitiqueenzitiqueen member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_im-afraid-my-inlaws-will-ruin-our-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:6bb4ad45-ed8e-42d0-a8ef-9583f1c277d6Post:dc0467b7-52b8-4c43-9be6-c89784b7b297">I'm afraid my inlaws will ruin our wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE] they have already broke up my marriage 3 times Posted by emilybpersad[/QUOTE]

    No, they didn't.
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  • PeledreamsofrainPeledreamsofrain member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    edited October 2012
    I need some asperin and a nap after reading the first post.
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  • libby2483libby2483 member
    1000 Comments 250 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_im-afraid-my-inlaws-will-ruin-our-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6bb4ad45-ed8e-42d0-a8ef-9583f1c277d6Post:dc0467b7-52b8-4c43-9be6-c89784b7b297">I'm afraid my inlaws will ruin our wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]This may be a new question but I'm afraid my inlaws who are loud and disrespectful will ruin my wedding. I got married in a civil ceremony 9 months ago and they have already broke up my marriage 3 times and threatened my husband to cut him off if he didn't divorce me, they did this because I suffer from Bipolar Disorder and only my husband new about it. Now my husband and I are back together, happy and planning our 2013 wedding ceremony reception. My family is the opposite, they are quick to give you a piece of their mind but they are respectful and accepting of individuals choices and love and respect my husband. But my inlaws don't even speak to me and I don't see them at all! My sister in law went as far as threatening to kill me and then said that's how their family jokes around! In my ideal world I would cut out his family completely but I know I can't do that! Help!
    Posted by emilybpersad[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Not to be harsh, but your in-laws did not break up your marriage.  The only way your marriage could be broken up is by you and your husband.  If your husband is allowing your inlaws to have that much sway in his life, then your problem is your husband, not your in-laws.  Honestly, if one of my siblings was in a marriage, and they had broken up three times in less than a year, I probably would be a bit skeptical about their chances of success as well.

    </div>
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